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- MELBOURNE DEMONS!!!
OPTUS OVAL GOES MISSING
AFTER TERRORIST GROUP STRIKES
By Randy M. M. Savage
An obscure terrorist group has struck a vicious blow directed at the heart of the AFL this morning when a well-planned commando raid removed Optus Oval from Princess Park. The action was discovered early today after a stunned and disbelieving taxi driver who gave his name as "Clyde" called the Melbourne Age at 5.10 a.m. saying that he was driving northwards in Royal Parade and "Optus was just not there." He described the scene as "bizarre" adding that "all I can see is an open paddock and a few horses grazing in the forward pocket.". Moments later a group describing itself as the Popular Front for the Liberation of Football (PFLF) claimed responsibility for the act in a facsimile message delivered to the AFL.
Authorities are not revealing details of the message but it is believed that the group comprises of a number of disgruntled Melbourne Football Club supporters who removed the grandstands and other buildings brick by brick in a daring pre dawn raid and then carefully and meticulously stored their contents in a secret bunker location. The PFLF action is believed to be in protest at the soon-to-be-released AFL fixture for 2002 which requires their team to play two home matches at Optus and which Demon chief executive John Anderson had earlier described as "commercially disastrous" for his club.
Melbourne Football Club Chairman Gabriel Szondy’s only comment was, "no comment".
Sources say that the group sent several warning letters to the AFL but these had not been opened because the AFL’s mailroom was undergoing a delicate desanitizing process in the wake of overseas events. It is believed that the group refuses to discuss the matter further in keeping with its policy of "not being seen and not being heard" but we understand that it has promised the Oval will be restored to its former glory if the AFL relocates the two Melbourne matches to a more attractive venue such as the Skinner Reserve in Sunshine and pays a ransom of $453.00 to "cover handling costs".
The AFL’s Wayne Jackson was unperturbed at the news declaring that "it’s time some of these Victorian clubs stopped whinging and accepted what was good for them. Melbourne has nothing to complain about. They've got 17 games in Victoria, including two at Moe and one at the Benalla Showgrounds and they can still train at the MCG once a month. Look at the Bulldogs. We’ve moved their game against the Dockers to a Wednesday at 3.00 a.m. under lights on Macquarie Island. After all, we have to promote the game elsewhere somehow and the Bombers, Blues and Magpies flatly refuse to play any games at a venue further than four kilometers from the GPO."
Jackson added that the games at Optus Oval would go ahead as planned even if the buildings and other facilities were not restored. "We don’t see any problem at all. It’ll be standing room for everybody and we weren’t expecting much of a crowd anyway." he said.
Speaking at a luncheon to honour boxer Anthony Mundine in the lead up to his forthcoming world title fight, Prime Minister John Howard warned of swift retribution against "whoever perpetrated this heinous crime.". The PM added that although US President George Bush was refusing to return his frantic calls for assistance, Australia would go it alone in seeking revenge against the terrorists.
"As soon as we work out who they are and where they are, we will strike, directly and decisively against them.", he said. Opposition leader Kim Beazley agreed adding that he hoped Australians "would not blame Cheryl Kernot for this one."
It is not believed that the terrorist action is related in any way to the mysterious disappearance of Carlton President John Elliott who was last seen in Colonial Stadium’s underground car park two days ago. A spokesperson co-ordinating the search for the Blues’ leader has indicated that efforts to locate Elliott are being hampered by a thick pall of what has been identified as "cigar smoke" in the south eastern sector of the car park.
hope ya liked it! i found it pretty funny any ways...
GO DEES!!!
AFTER TERRORIST GROUP STRIKES
By Randy M. M. Savage
An obscure terrorist group has struck a vicious blow directed at the heart of the AFL this morning when a well-planned commando raid removed Optus Oval from Princess Park. The action was discovered early today after a stunned and disbelieving taxi driver who gave his name as "Clyde" called the Melbourne Age at 5.10 a.m. saying that he was driving northwards in Royal Parade and "Optus was just not there." He described the scene as "bizarre" adding that "all I can see is an open paddock and a few horses grazing in the forward pocket.". Moments later a group describing itself as the Popular Front for the Liberation of Football (PFLF) claimed responsibility for the act in a facsimile message delivered to the AFL.
Authorities are not revealing details of the message but it is believed that the group comprises of a number of disgruntled Melbourne Football Club supporters who removed the grandstands and other buildings brick by brick in a daring pre dawn raid and then carefully and meticulously stored their contents in a secret bunker location. The PFLF action is believed to be in protest at the soon-to-be-released AFL fixture for 2002 which requires their team to play two home matches at Optus and which Demon chief executive John Anderson had earlier described as "commercially disastrous" for his club.
Melbourne Football Club Chairman Gabriel Szondy’s only comment was, "no comment".
Sources say that the group sent several warning letters to the AFL but these had not been opened because the AFL’s mailroom was undergoing a delicate desanitizing process in the wake of overseas events. It is believed that the group refuses to discuss the matter further in keeping with its policy of "not being seen and not being heard" but we understand that it has promised the Oval will be restored to its former glory if the AFL relocates the two Melbourne matches to a more attractive venue such as the Skinner Reserve in Sunshine and pays a ransom of $453.00 to "cover handling costs".
The AFL’s Wayne Jackson was unperturbed at the news declaring that "it’s time some of these Victorian clubs stopped whinging and accepted what was good for them. Melbourne has nothing to complain about. They've got 17 games in Victoria, including two at Moe and one at the Benalla Showgrounds and they can still train at the MCG once a month. Look at the Bulldogs. We’ve moved their game against the Dockers to a Wednesday at 3.00 a.m. under lights on Macquarie Island. After all, we have to promote the game elsewhere somehow and the Bombers, Blues and Magpies flatly refuse to play any games at a venue further than four kilometers from the GPO."
Jackson added that the games at Optus Oval would go ahead as planned even if the buildings and other facilities were not restored. "We don’t see any problem at all. It’ll be standing room for everybody and we weren’t expecting much of a crowd anyway." he said.
Speaking at a luncheon to honour boxer Anthony Mundine in the lead up to his forthcoming world title fight, Prime Minister John Howard warned of swift retribution against "whoever perpetrated this heinous crime.". The PM added that although US President George Bush was refusing to return his frantic calls for assistance, Australia would go it alone in seeking revenge against the terrorists.
"As soon as we work out who they are and where they are, we will strike, directly and decisively against them.", he said. Opposition leader Kim Beazley agreed adding that he hoped Australians "would not blame Cheryl Kernot for this one."
It is not believed that the terrorist action is related in any way to the mysterious disappearance of Carlton President John Elliott who was last seen in Colonial Stadium’s underground car park two days ago. A spokesperson co-ordinating the search for the Blues’ leader has indicated that efforts to locate Elliott are being hampered by a thick pall of what has been identified as "cigar smoke" in the south eastern sector of the car park.
hope ya liked it! i found it pretty funny any ways...
GO DEES!!!
