Think Tank Mofra's Lazy Bottom 40 for 2025

[Pistol Night]

I literally didn't know he existed. Sounds like one of those random generated AFL Evolution players

I’m starting to think this is the bottom 40 imaginary players list.

 

[Duck Farmer]

And 3 days in they became the CROW

And now they're the CROM.

 

[JHF1870]

Player(s) #24 North's "Saviours"
View attachment 2484879
Pictured: One club's trash is another club's false dawn

Statistically, over a multi year period, North are the worst team VFL/AFL team since the 1960s and the worst AFL team of all time.

Alastair "accident of expansion team concessions" Clarkson was brought in by North in the post Brad Scott era (does anyone remember Shaw?) to try and right the ship. Someone, somewhere, decided that bringing in 18 year olds and ruining their career (aka the 'Casting Couch' strategy) wasn't working. North decided, after a 3 win season last year, to try something new... and went and found 3 guys who had played in successful systems, but were no longer really wanted by their respective clubs.

This strategy helped north climb from second last all the way to the dizzying heights of... 3rd last. At this rate, it will only take 45 more superannuated past-it players to get them to the pointy end of the ladder, by which AI will achieve AGI and quickly kill all human life on the planet as an unnescessary waste of resources that are getting in the way its core mission to...

...nevermind. We're talking about Artifical Improvement, Not Artifical Intelligence here.

With Caleb Daniel firing out laser-like 20m kicks in the backline that 60% of the time work every time, Luke Parker sometimes playing decent football and only serving to highlight that 50% of his best is better than what North players provide 50% of the time, and Jack Darling providing some vague enough aerial support to Nick Larkey to earn the nickname "the car bonnet coathanger", north somehow... managed to draw with the Brisbane Lions in round 9 this year?

Fair play to North, that one game was the best result for a North men's team since Boris the chicken was running the social committee. Outside of that game there was a smashing of the Demons at Marvel when the roof was closed and half the Demons players saw a baby crawling across it, and an 'honourable loss' against the Crows that Matthew Nicks described as "perfect finals preparation".

Fun fact: The strategy proved so successful this year that North have completely abandoned it, not trading in any mature talent during this years' trade period.

Caleb (bullgod), Parker and Darling, best of luck next season and welcome to the Bottom 40 for 2025.

Tough, but fair

 

[Baldur]

We did curse poor Nick, sorry lad.

 

[Dubai Quacker]

If ever a bloke deserved a spot in the Bottom 40, its the 2016 Norm Smith Medallist, who, alongside Tom Boyd (a.k.a JUH before we had JUH) had one great career game (courtesy of corrupt umpires acting under AFL instruction) before reverting to innocuous mediocrity.

Dammit, I've run out of salt.

 

[CatToTheFuture]

Dammit, I've run out of salt.

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

Good way to get Duck back to the club in some capacity also

I don't think most of the Norf AFLW players would throw their beaks at Carey for some reason

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

And now they're the CROM.

When did PAFC become Poort ? After 2007 ?

 

[Mofra]

Player #22 - Oscar Allen

12

Oscar Allen

Age

26

Ht

196cm

Wt

96kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

9.8

2star

K

6.6

3star

HB

3.2

3star

M

3.8

4star

T

2.4

4star

G

1.1

4star

No current season stats available

D

8.6

3star

K

5.8

3star

HB

2.8

3star

M

3.8

4star

T

2.0

4star

G

1.2

4star

Pictured: Oscar recalls all of the Eagles wins this season

Oscar Allen

12

Oscar Allen

Age

26

Ht

196cm

Wt

96kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

9.8

2star

K

6.6

3star

HB

3.2

3star

M

3.8

4star

T

2.4

4star

G

1.1

4star

No current season stats available

D

8.6

3star

K

5.8

3star

HB

2.8

3star

M

3.8

4star

T

2.0

4star

G

1.2

4star

is a WA native and co-captain of the Eagles who exercised his free-agency rights to go to Brisbane for next season, presumably because he's homesick.

As captain, Allen really led from the rear this year. Fronting up for 12 games, he had more meetings with rival coaches than wins in 2025. There was the famous fallout of his 'kind of secret' meeting with Sam Mitchell during March of this year, where the Eagles then made him attend a press conference to explain his actions.
Allen was extremely embarrassed and said in an interview he felt like everyone at the club "kind of hated me", because a captain meeting opposition coaches during the season is apprently the club's fault.

Mitchell for his part apologised and said he'd never meet with an opposition captain during the season again, a promise about as iron clad as a Nirvana song lyric.
"And I swear that I don't have a gun" - Kurt Cobain, lying through his teeth.

Oscar finished his season in June with two goalless games, and didn't even wait until after the last round to tell fans he wanted to GTFO. I'm not sure if he cited a "lack of support" again as he cleaned out his locker but, to put it politely, I've never heard Dollay Parton blame an A cup for a wardrobe malfunction.

Fun fact: Oscar said his fiance now manages his social media account. I'm sure she's completely ok with his complete lack of loyalty.

Oscar, good luck in Brisbane. It's about time that club caught a break. Welcome to the Bottom 40 for 2025.

 

[JHF1870]

When did PAFC become Poort ? After 2007 ?

It all makes sense now

 

[the avoca drover]

Player #22 - Oscar Allen
View attachment 2487267
Pictured: Oscar recalls all of the Eagles wins this season

Oscar Allen is a WA native and co-captain of the Eagles who exercised his free-agency rights to go to Brisbane for next season, presumably because he's homesick.

As captain, Allen really led from the rear this year. Fronting up for 12 games, he had more meetings with rival coaches than wins in 2025. There was the famous fallout of his 'kind of secret' meeting with Sam Mitchell during March of this year, where the Eagles then made him attend a press conference to explain his actions.
Allen was extremely embarrassed and said in an interview he felt like everyone at the club "kind of hated me", because a captain meeting opposition coaches during the season is apprently the club's fault.

Mitchell for his part apologised and said he'd never meet with an opposition captain during the season again, a promise about as iron clad as a Nirvana song lyric.
"And I swear that I don't have a gun" - Kurt Cobain, lying through his teeth.

Oscar finished his season in June with two goalless games, and didn't even wait until after the last round to tell fans he wanted to GTFO. I'm not sure if he cited a "lack of support" again as he cleaned out his locker but, to put it politely, I've never heard Dollay Parton blame an A cup for a wardrobe malfunction.

Fun fact: Oscar said his fiance now manages his social media account. I'm sure she's completely ok with his complete lack of loyalty.

Oscar, good luck in Brisbane. It's about time that club caught a break. Welcome to the Bottom 40 for 2025.

He’s no good.

 

[CatToTheFuture]

Player #22 - Oscar Allen
View attachment 2487267
Pictured: Oscar recalls all of the Eagles wins this season

Oscar Allen is a WA native and co-captain of the Eagles who exercised his free-agency rights to go to Brisbane for next season, presumably because he's homesick.

As captain, Allen really led from the rear this year. Fronting up for 12 games, he had more meetings with rival coaches than wins in 2025. There was the famous fallout of his 'kind of secret' meeting with Sam Mitchell during March of this year, where the Eagles then made him attend a press conference to explain his actions.
Allen was extremely embarrassed and said in an interview he felt like everyone at the club "kind of hated me", because a captain meeting opposition coaches during the season is apprently the club's fault.

Mitchell for his part apologised and said he'd never meet with an opposition captain during the season again, a promise about as iron clad as a Nirvana song lyric.
"And I swear that I don't have a gun" - Kurt Cobain, lying through his teeth.

Oscar finished his season in June with two goalless games, and didn't even wait until after the last round to tell fans he wanted to GTFO. I'm not sure if he cited a "lack of support" again as he cleaned out his locker but, to put it politely, I've never heard Dollay Parton blame an A cup for a wardrobe malfunction.

Fun fact: Oscar said his fiance now manages his social media account. I'm sure she's completely ok with his complete lack of loyalty.

Oscar, good luck in Brisbane. It's about time that club caught a break. Welcome to the Bottom 40 for 2025.

Been listening to in utero a bit today so that Cobain line hurt me bad

 

[Borussia Teeth]

Player #22 - Oscar Allen
View attachment 2487267
Pictured: Oscar recalls all of the Eagles wins this season

Oscar Allen is a WA native and co-captain of the Eagles who exercised his free-agency rights to go to Brisbane for next season, presumably because he's homesick.

As captain, Allen really led from the rear this year. Fronting up for 12 games, he had more meetings with rival coaches than wins in 2025. There was the famous fallout of his 'kind of secret' meeting with Sam Mitchell during March of this year, where the Eagles then made him attend a press conference to explain his actions.
Allen was extremely embarrassed and said in an interview he felt like everyone at the club "kind of hated me", because a captain meeting opposition coaches during the season is apprently the club's fault.

Mitchell for his part apologised and said he'd never meet with an opposition captain during the season again, a promise about as iron clad as a Nirvana song lyric.
"And I swear that I don't have a gun" - Kurt Cobain, lying through his teeth.

Oscar finished his season in June with two goalless games, and didn't even wait until after the last round to tell fans he wanted to GTFO. I'm not sure if he cited a "lack of support" again as he cleaned out his locker but, to put it politely, I've never heard Dollay Parton blame an A cup for a wardrobe malfunction.

Fun fact: Oscar said his fiance now manages his social media account. I'm sure she's completely ok with his complete lack of loyalty.

Oscar, good luck in Brisbane. It's about time that club caught a break. Welcome to the Bottom 40 for 2025.

Note, he’s always called Oscar Allen… not Oscar, not Allen.

 

[hawkman]

Note, he’s always called Oscar Allen… not Oscar, not Allen.

Is there anyone that has 2 first names instead of a surname that isn't dodgy?

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

Note, he’s always called Oscar Allen… not Oscar, not Allen.

Osca Rallen, I think.

 

[weltschmerz]

Is there anyone that has 2 first names instead of a surname that isn't dodgy?

For a while I thought Elisabeth Georgostathis, from our AFLW side, was named Georgia Stathis

 

[Funkmeister]

My missis wondered why Colin Jazny from the Cats got his first name mentioned. Also Neal Bullen from the Crows

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

Hoskin-Elliott I heard as Oscar Nelly. It’s stuck now

 

[Cyclops]

Is there anyone that has 2 first names instead of a surname that isn't dodgy?

Ron Jeremy.

Bet you feel silly right now.

 

[Over The Post]

Scorched-earth result from Cyclops.

Hawkman will still be in the burn ward at the start of next season.

 

[frggr]

Is there anyone that has 2 first names instead of a surname that isn't dodgy?

Peter Russell-Clark is the dodgiest of them all

 

[Mofra]

Player #21 - Aaron Francis

Pictured: Francis evades a blonde Geelong player with a headband, which narrows it down to 35 players

Aaron Francis was a lifelong Essendon supporter and a ranga who was drafted with pick 6 in the 2015 AFL draft, meaning he was doomed from the start.
He asked for a trade at the end of 2017, but neither SA based AFL team has any interest, so Aaron stayed at the bombers until 2022, where he played a total of 54 games (0 finals wins) and was then traded to the Sydney swans.

At Sydney he didn't quite nail down a position, having been delisted at the end of last year then placed on the rookie list this season. Considered a decent one on one player, Francis could play both ends almost well enough to keep his spot.
This season he managed 5 goals from 10 games, however 3 of those goals came in one game against Port Adelaide. Port fans were so traumatised by this development that some described it as "the worst non-finals game in our club's long proud history stretching all the way back to 1997".
Swans fans were just upset that 6 of their players registered 9 behinds (no goals) between them, somehow blaming the umpires.

Back to Aaron. They guy could play as long as the quarters were only 8 minutes long. He just never developed the big enough tank required to run out the game at anywhere near his best. He also didn't quite grasp the AFL landscape, nominating for the 2025 draft and being one of only 3 guys out of 985 to put "financial terms" on any potential contract.
The other two players to nominate terms (Ah Chee & Jake Stringer

20

Jake Stringer

Age

31

Ht

192cm

Wt

92kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

12.9

3star

K

8.5

3star

HB

4.4

3star

M

3.3

3star

T

2.5

4star

G

1.8

5star

D

8.5

2star

K

7.0

3star

HB

1.5

1star

M

2.8

3star

T

3.8

4star

G

2.5

5star

D

7.2

2star

K

4.8

2star

HB

2.4

3star

M

2.6

3star

T

1.4

4star

G

1.4

5star

) were picked up, Ah Chee in the PSD and Jake Stringer

20

Jake Stringer

Age

31

Ht

192cm

Wt

92kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

12.9

3star

K

8.5

3star

HB

4.4

3star

M

3.3

3star

T

2.5

4star

G

1.8

5star

D

8.5

2star

K

7.0

3star

HB

1.5

1star

M

2.8

3star

T

3.8

4star

G

2.5

5star

D

7.2

2star

K

4.8

2star

HB

2.4

3star

M

2.6

3star

T

1.4

4star

G

1.4

5star

at the rookie draft then at schoolies.

Fun fact: Francis took a mark of the year contender in 2018, over former Essendon player Paddy Ryder. The award eventually went to Isaac Heeney

5

Isaac Heeney

Age

29

Ht

185cm

Wt

88kg

Pos.

Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D

18.2

5star

K

10.4

4star

HB

7.7

5star

M

4.9

5star

T

4.1

5star

CL

2.2

4star

D

14.3

3star

K

8.8

4star

HB

5.5

3star

M

4.8

4star

T

2.5

3star

CL

0.8

3star

D

10.4

3star

K

7.2

3star

HB

3.2

3star

M

2.8

3star

T

2.4

4star

CL

0.8

3star

.

Aaron, good luck next year. Welcome to the Bottom 40 for 2025.

 

[TheGoatBaron]

Player #21 - Aaron Francis
View attachment 2488980
Pictured: Francis evades a blonde Geelong player with a headband, which narrows it down to 35 players

Aaron Francis was a lifelong Essendon supporter and a ranga who was drafted with pick 6 in the 2015 AFL draft, meaning he was doomed from the start.
He asked for a trade at the end of 2017, but neither SA based AFL team has any interest, so Aaron stayed at the bombers until 2022, where he played a total of 54 games (0 finals wins) and was then traded to the Sydney swans.

At Sydney he didn't quite nail down a position, having been delisted at the end of last year then placed on the rookie list this season. Considered a decent one on one player, Francis could play both ends almost well enough to keep his spot.
This season he managed 5 goals from 10 games, however 3 of those goals came in one game against Port Adelaide. Port fans were so traumatised by this development that some described it as "the worst non-finals game in our club's long proud history stretching all the way back to 1997".
Swans fans were just upset that 6 of their players registered 9 behinds (no goals) between them, somehow blaming the umpires.

Back to Aaron. They guy could play as long as the quarters were only 8 minutes long. He just never developed the big enough tank required to run out the game at anywhere near his best. He also didn't quite grasp the AFL landscape, nominating for the 2025 draft and being one of only 3 guys out of 985 to put "financial terms" on any potential contract.
The other two players to nominate terms (Ah Chee & Jake Stringer) were picked up, Ah Chee in the PSD and Jake Stringer at the rookie draft then at schoolies.

Fun fact: Francis took a mark of the year contender in 2018, over former Essendon player Paddy Ryder. The award eventually went to Isaac Heeney.

Aaron, good luck next year. Welcome to the Bottom 40 for 2025.

Cuz

 

[Pistol Night]

My missis wondered why Colin Jazny from the Cats got his first name mentioned. Also Neal Bullen from the Crows

Bloke on SEN calling a certain legend of the game Ronbar Rassi was interesting

 

[Pistol Night]

Player #21 - Aaron Francis
View attachment 2488980
Pictured: Francis evades a blonde Geelong player with a headband, which narrows it down to 35 players

Aaron Francis was a lifelong Essendon supporter and a ranga who was drafted with pick 6 in the 2015 AFL draft, meaning he was doomed from the start.
He asked for a trade at the end of 2017, but neither SA based AFL team has any interest, so Aaron stayed at the bombers until 2022, where he played a total of 54 games (0 finals wins) and was then traded to the Sydney swans.

At Sydney he didn't quite nail down a position, having been delisted at the end of last year then placed on the rookie list this season. Considered a decent one on one player, Francis could play both ends almost well enough to keep his spot.
This season he managed 5 goals from 10 games, however 3 of those goals came in one game against Port Adelaide. Port fans were so traumatised by this development that some described it as "the worst non-finals game in our club's long proud history stretching all the way back to 1997".
Swans fans were just upset that 6 of their players registered 9 behinds (no goals) between them, somehow blaming the umpires.

Back to Aaron. They guy could play as long as the quarters were only 8 minutes long. He just never developed the big enough tank required to run out the game at anywhere near his best. He also didn't quite grasp the AFL landscape, nominating for the 2025 draft and being one of only 3 guys out of 985 to put "financial terms" on any potential contract.
The other two players to nominate terms (Ah Chee & Jake Stringer) were picked up, Ah Chee in the PSD and Jake Stringer at the rookie draft then at schoolies.

Fun fact: Francis took a mark of the year contender in 2018, over former Essendon player Paddy Ryder. The award eventually went to Isaac Heeney.

Aaron, good luck next year. Welcome to the Bottom 40 for 2025.

Looks like a wimpy Ben Stokes