Never Married

[perthblue]

So every old gay man before last year had something 'off' about them?

yeah, kind of

 

[Saint12]

If you're the type of person who is constantly saying "you guys are next" to your friends then you probably need to be told you're a campaigner. Same goes with having children, jesus, does my head in.

They just want you to join them in the "misery club"

 

[IKnowtheDog]

love this from Naked Gun 2.5

 

[utility]

Marriage seems like such an old fashioned concept. What benefits does it bring to a guy? The girls get a nice ring and a [expensive] day that's all about them, and something to brag to all their vapid friends about. Seems like the only thing a guy really gets is someone to pull the plug on them if they go into a coma and a couple of tax benefits. If you want to spend your life with someone then why don't you just do that without signing some dumb contract?

I'd hate to be that guy who got married and had kids before 30 and got stuck living the same life for the next 30 years. Same 9-5 career. Same city. Can't take any major risks. Can't really explore your full potential. But then I guess there are also people who get to 50 and regret not shitting out a kid when they had the chance.

Marriage is the creation of an estate. Up until recently it was an estate between a man and woman because it was a unique type of estate in that it normally implied creation of family (children). Halsbury's Laws of England gives a simple read from a historical context (first edition).

Marriage does not mean being stuck in the same life for 30 years, that is more a case of mindset and habit. You can change careers, obtain further education, start businesses, travel, etc. That is a matter of financial position - which really isn't related to marriage.

From personal experience there is nothing, absolutely nothing better than being a father. It's the hardest job in the world, thankless at times, exhausting and stressful, but the best. Could not give a shit about anything else in comparison. Until you experience that you simply will not understand. Of course you can have children out of wedlock, which is more common these days, but there are pros and cons about de facto vs. marriage relationships. Most (decent) women wanting a family/children will want to get married, so it's normally part of the deal.

For most people family is THE most important thing in life. There are outliers, but if you miss the boat you'll never know what you missed.

 

[revo333]

As someone that is in a long term relationship the pressure from other couples to get married is ridiculous. If you're the type of person who is constantly saying "you guys are next" to your friends then you probably need to be told you're a campaigner. Same goes with having children, jesus, does my head in.

Have a friend that has been married about 6 years and he told me his wife cops these comments all the time.

You just don't know what private issues people might have.

 

[Power Raid]

I just think that if you dont have a family then what exactly is the point? I mean, sure there are lots of things you can do but I feel there'd always be that emptiness inside.

the counter argument is "living your life through your kids" rather than self actualisation.

each to there own and whatever makes one happy. I have no doubt which ever way people go in life, they will experience highs, lows and adapt to the circumstances.

 

[Coolangatta]

the counter argument is "living your life through your kids" rather than self actualisation.

each to there own and whatever makes one happy. I have no doubt which ever way people go in life, they will experience highs, lows and adapt to the circumstances.

Yeah. Adapt or die, they're your two options. **** people who tell you to love life, and **** people who tell you it gets better. It gets better when you don't have to listen to people like that. Life might not get better, but it could, but I don't think it's wrong to decide you're no longer going to wait and find out. I reckon these celebrity suicides we hear about is indicative of a philosophical crisis, not a mental health one.

 

[Scotland]

Probably more likely to be a homosexual considering his age. Still happens a bit with 'confirmed bachelors,' some who are high profile. It's sad in a way that they've lived a whole life unable to properly live with a man or woman and depriving yourself of all that comes with it. But to me that's a lot less pathetic than being 65 with the Thai girlfriend and your weekends are spending $220 at Susan's.

Yeah I dunno. Creepy vibes regardless. Pretty sure he lived with his mum for a long time until she passed.

And there's a huge difference. I wouldn't want to be married (that lone even with kids doesn't entice me – stupid affair) and locked down for 30, 40 years without kids. Single parenting is way too stressful and doing that almost voluntarily would mean I'd just be doing bad by my kid, but the idea of starting a family is the idea I don't mind. It's about the whole being more than the individual sum of a couple of kids and a partner. It's one of the other for me. But then again life never ever works out how you'd imagine and making the most of your current situation is the interesting thing.

Not sure where you're going with this. Marriage and kids go together but they aren't mutually inclusive (sorry Mr Bernadi and co, your argument was terrible hence it failed). You can get married and not have kids, and you can have a long term partner without getting married and have kids, and you can have a long term partner, not get married and have kids.

There's a (reducing) stigma of having bastard children, like if you're living together with a partner for 30 years and you raise children to adulthood that have a surname different to one of the parents you're committing some social crime. I'd like to be married before having kids but it really isn't a huge deal. The divorce rate is high so clearly people aren't staying together for the kids any more.

 

[mr bagcroft]

Dont EVER, ever let anyone tell you your life is somehow incomplete or less relevant because you choose not to get married or have kids. They dont get to decide that, ONLY you do. And it only matters what you value and enjoy, not other peoples perception of what you do or should be doing. **** them.
**** I hate those people!.

 

[Andre]

Dont EVER, ever let anyone tell you your life is somehow incomplete or less relevant because you choose not to get married or have kids. They dont get to decide that, ONLY you do. And it only matters what you value and enjoy, not other peoples perception of what you do or should be doing. **** them.
**** I hate those people!.

I'd say it's more come around these days to the opposite, that raising kids is considered a lesser job then a 'real' job. Not having kids is a valid choice, but it's a bloody hard 'job' to and those who do, especially the primary care givers, shouldn't be considered less then those that either didn't have kids or had them and went back into the workforce sooner, rather then later.

 

[Fireballs]

https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/12/the-myth-of-the-lonely-old-man/

 

[Silent Alarm]

Not sure where you're going with this. Marriage and kids go together but they aren't mutually inclusive (sorry Mr Bernadi and co, your argument was terrible hence it failed). You can get married and not have kids, and you can have a long term partner without getting married and have kids, and you can have a long term partner, not get married and have kids.

There's a (reducing) stigma of having bastard children, like if you're living together with a partner for 30 years and you raise children to adulthood that have a surname different to one of the parents you're committing some social crime. I'd like to be married before having kids but it really isn't a huge deal. The divorce rate is high so clearly people aren't staying together for the kids any more.

Regardless of whether I had zero kids or 20 I don't want to get married. I'd rather be in a long-term relationship and try that and have kids, but I'd never have kids with a doubt that maybe I'd end up getting bored of their mum (sooner rather than later) and ending up resenting them or leaving them.

Nothing wrong with 'bastard' children. I'm one. Oh...

 

[Silent Alarm]

Bill Maher, 62-year-old childless host of America's superior equivalent of Q&A, said a few months ago people have confided to him that, while they love and are proud of their children, if they'd known how hard it would be they wouldn't have had them.

The issue is – and this is a big one and a big reason for overpopulation, crime, the urban sprawl, the job market – is that most people shouldn't really have kids. And probably those who have the most are the least equipped. Go into Yangebup or Lara and try and find a bogan couple without a kid, whether it lives there or with 'granny' or what. Most people aren't mature enough to actually assess it.

But in a way I guess that's the amazing thing about evolution and the human body... this underlying sense that you absolutely need kids. It's why people try and get good jobs, it's why you dress nice, it's why girls cry out the front of nightclubs. It's this really really strong pull.

Also for every renegade who is 33 and at the cross-roads and goes, 'ah, **** this, nah I wanna stay here in America' or 'hey I might quit my job in Australia and go give living in Europe a go' is a person who doesn't really get the life they want at 55. There are people who are transient forever and get by in that life, or those who succeed fully in a new country or from a bold venture and end up with it all, but then there are those who float and fail and fundamentally still work like a ****in dog and don't have a dollar to their name... that's when you wonder if you should've tried the normal life, and if having a kid would have been the truly rewarding route.

Again life is just random and it's about immediate situations.

And having a kid is probably secretly full of moments where you go, ah **** this, I should have done my own thing a bit longer. And there are special moments where it's absolutely all you're proud of and that's how you want it.

 

[Admiral Byng]

Hard to say. I'm not 50 yet so I don't really qualify, but I am over 40.

I am not lonely, I am comfortable with myself. Sometimes being with other people too long cramps my style and I long to go back to my own solitude for a while. I have always planned on having kids "one day" when I am more mature and financially stable, I guess that time is probably now but I am still unprepared for the prospect, having got so used to being on my own. I prefer having a "part-time" girlfriend not living with me than a wife or de facto. Call me commitment phobic if you like, but living together with anyone really shits me after a while.

 

[Bomberboyokay]

The issue is – and this is a big one and a big reason for overpopulation, crime, the urban sprawl, the job market – is that most people shouldn't really have kids. And probably those who have the most are the least equipped. Go into Yangebup or Lara and try and find a bogan couple without a kid, whether it lives there or with 'granny' or what. Most people aren't mature enough to actually assess it.

But in a way I guess that's the amazing thing about evolution and the human body... this underlying sense that you absolutely need kids. It's why people try and get good jobs, it's why you dress nice, it's why girls cry out the front of nightclubs. It's this really really strong pull.

Also for every renegade who is 33 and at the cross-roads and goes, 'ah, **** this, nah I wanna stay here in America' or 'hey I might quit my job in Australia and go give living in Europe a go' is a person who doesn't really get the life they want at 55. There are people who are transient forever and get by in that life, or those who succeed fully in a new country or from a bold venture and end up with it all, but then there are those who float and fail and fundamentally still work like a ****in dog and don't have a dollar to their name... that's when you wonder if you should've tried the normal life, and if having a kid would have been the truly rewarding route.

Again life is just random and it's about immediate situations.

And having a kid is probably secretly full of moments where you go, ah **** this, I should have done my own thing a bit longer. And there are special moments where it's absolutely all you're proud of and that's how you want it.

The difference is people view bogans and poor people with prejudice (while voting Liberal and pretending to not understand why the underfunded public schools are shit) but the middle class and upper class parent has to really **** up in a public way before people jump to conclusions.

 

[Scotland]

**** is there any thread you haven't posted in about Liberal voters? Cyril Rioli retired. Maybe go remind everyone in that thread that Hawthorn fans are more likely to vote Liberal than Labor... The Coalition got 5,131,505 votes at the last federal election. Two party preferred it was 6,818,824 Coalition to 6,722,277 ALP. Plenty of bogans and poor people vote Liberal, and a good percentage of people vote Liberal or Labor depending on which way the wind is blowing. You need to change the record.

 

[Bomberboyokay]

Far out man. I won't use brackets again

 

[Silent Alarm]

A West Coast Eagles supporter getting shitty and defending the Liberal party... well I never.

 

[Bomberboyokay]

Lives in Julie Bishop's seat I believe.

 

[Gralin]

Far out man. I won't use brackets again

I think Scotland votes liberal just quietly

 

[Shane Heard]

No one on this planet explains more clearly about the complex web of relationships than Esther Perel.

Check out her work on numerous speeches on TEDtalks and YouTube.

If you’re under 30 and clueless about the subject of relationships..it’s essential viewing.

This is one of her best talks..it’ll either put you off marriage for ever or set you up for a wonderful adventure with the love of your life.

 

[revo333]

Mike Sheehan interviewed an Essendon footballer years ago and asked why he never had a girlfriend or got married and then gave him the 'are you sure your not gay?' vibe.

This is the attitude of most people towards those who choose not to have relationships with the opposite sex, the pressure is extreme and i believe most would rather be not happily married then happily single with the stigma.

 

[PP34]

I mean just because you are married doesn't mean you have to spend every day together, you are still allowed to have a life, go out with your own friends, girls weekend away/boys weekend away that sort of thing

not to mention work travel if it happens

Really wouldn’t have thought so.

Doesn’t happen with my parents and it’s not like they’re that typical couple that is constantly doing romantic things together. My old man is constantly walking on eggshells anytime he wants to go drink with his mates or something like that.

And a lot of younger married couples I know or my parents know are even worse. Joint Facebook accounts, being almost attached at the hip and I know of one bloke who turns down business trips away, weekends with his mates etc because he doesn’t want to be away from his wife and feels it’s wrong to be spending time on the piss with work/mates.

This is something I’ve seen my whole life.

I don’t know what to think of marriage personally. I haven’t been in love yet so my opinion is obviously influenced by that. The idea of being in love with someone and having someone there constantly with you does sound good in one way. But then I think of how much I love being independent, having the ability to wake up one Saturday morning off work and do whatever I want, rather than having a wife who wants to go shopping or kids who need to be driven to sport. Then I think that I could easily end up fairly miserable.

 

[Gralin]

Really wouldn’t have thought so.

Doesn’t happen with my parents and it’s not like they’re that typical couple that is constantly doing romantic things together. My old man is constantly walking on eggshells anytime he wants to go drink with his mates or something like that.

And a lot of younger married couples I know or my parents know are even worse. Joint Facebook accounts, being almost attached at the hip and I know of one bloke who turns down business trips away, weekends with his mates etc because he doesn’t want to be away from his wife and feels it’s wrong to be spending time on the piss with work/mates.

This is something I’ve seen my whole life.

I don’t know what to think of marriage personally. I haven’t been in love yet so my opinion is obviously influenced by that. The idea of being in love with someone and having someone there constantly with you does sound good in one way. But then I think of how much I love being independent, having the ability to wake up one Saturday morning off work and do whatever I want, rather than having a wife who wants to go shopping or kids who need to be driven to sport. Then I think that I could easily end up fairly miserable.

Look I turn stuff down to spend time with my family, I've said no to work travel, I've said no to mates, but then people do that without being in a relationship

Just because you get asked doesn't mean you have to say yes.

I say if you find someone do hat works for the two of you, helps if you find someone you can talk to obviously

 

[Howard Littlejohn]

We are biologically inclined to procreate and a man and a woman bound in matrimony give the best chance at raising functional human beings.

Like it or not, there is always something 'off' about old men who have never been married. If you are happy carrying this stigma then more power to you.

If there's a stigma, so be it. I am the sort of person that needs their own space.
Which is fine, because every woman on the planet prefers to have plenty of space between me and them anyway.