IllBeTheJudge
Premiership Player
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2008
- Posts
- 3,396
- Reaction score
- 1,587
- Location
- Insert witty location here
- AFL Club
- St Kilda
- Other Teams
- New Orleans Saints, Sth Dragons
100% accurate 
North Melbourne v Collingwood
This started off as quite a good match, the Pies off to a cracking start with the first few goals and Pendlebury dominant, and then finally the Kangas got the ball rolling with a few goals of their own. It was a quarter of two halves, right Den? With North Melbourne in their light blue strip that apparently the AFL forces upon them, it was thought that perhaps the team would fall over at the slightest contact or get distracted by the white lines all over the field. Daniel Wells wasn't playing, so at least the first option was less likely. Petrie pulled off an amazing goal, battling it out close to the line with his opponent (Brown maybe?), the ball came in and looked as though it would head through for a behind, when the big Drew stuck his big boot out and kicked it over his left shoulder for a goal! Sensational stuff! Urquhart and Simpson were trying hard for North whilst Swan was racking up possessions all over place, well supported by the dazzling and equally unlikeable Neon Leon. After having been pillared in the press, well by Grant Thomas at least, Benjamin Button was up for a big one and only seemed to get better as the night wore on. Maybe because he was younger by the end of it. The second quarter went much like the first but late in that term Collingwood were able to break away and get a handy lead, Lockyer particularly damaging on the scoreboard. Travis Cloke did his best Anthony Rocca impersonation. The pressure being applied by the Magpies was impressive. As was the spray that Mick Malthouse gave Jack Anthony after a series of ill disciplined acts, including a butt of heads with an unrecognizable Kangaroos player, and silly 50 metre penalties. There was spittle from Mick's mouth and a bit of Parko vein popping action to be had, which was just terrific to see.
The second half was generally a let down for those wanting to see a contest, and in the end the Magpies proved far too powerful for an injury depleted Kanagaroos team.
Pies by 52 goolly whackers
Hawthorn v Carlton
This was a cracker of a game. Two big cracking forwards, kicking bags of goals each, several of which were crackers. A cracker of a (somewhat loose) match up in the middle with Sewell on Judd; a cracker of a contest. Arnott's could not have done any better, I tell you. A big crowd at the G saw the premiers Hawthorn taking on finals expectant Carlton in a game that had everything. Not all of the skills were executed to perfection, but this is what happens when you have immense pressure applied as transpired on Saturday afternoon. The whole thing was so exciting that I can't remember any highlights! Of course there were the power forwards, with the rough head of Roughead having 6 by halftime, and then there was Fevola who started slowly but worked his way into the game and ended with 8 for the match. And of course should have had 9. With a set shot from 15 metres, not a massive angle. With stuff all time left on the clock. To win the match. He comes in, has his shot, customary celebration before it's through and .... poster!! What an imbroglio that turned into. Not to be confused with Natalie. Oh, it was almost as though you could feel some sort of emotion for the guy other than smugness. Of course not too long after that the siren went, and it was the Hawks with the win, who now sit somewhat comfortably at 3-3, which they would be very happy with at this stage of the year considering the players still out injured, thank you very much.
The Blues showed something on the weekend that we haven't seen from them in a very long time. Skill. And a desire to win. And a chain of three effective possessions in a row. It was probably all Judd. Do you reckon he commentates to himself? Juddy bursts through, handballs over the top to Judd, kicks it high and long, the pack go up for the mark ... JUDDEEEEEE!
Hawks by 4
West Coast v Fremantle
The "Derby" between the cross river rivals is the perfect stage for the Purple Stink as they embrace it as a grand final, play it like a grand final, somehow manage to win it, celebrate like its a grand final and then play the rest of the season like they're on an end of season trip in Bali with mini bars that never empty....It doesn't help that the winner gets a trophy!.. The PS still haven't quite grasped that beating the Eagles is only ONE game in 22.....oddly enough the only year they ever made the finals was when they decided in a moment of sheer madness to win some of the other games and then promptly pooped it when they found themselves in one of those "finals" thingys.....anyway, enough wacking of the Stink....this was a good game as the Weagles were 23 points in front at halftime, although this could have been much bigger as they had 19 scoring shots to 6, but hey, getting the red thing through the two BIG whites things is better boys..... Whatever Harves said at the break worked for the Stink as the big Pavlova in game 200 and his little mate Haze and draft sensation Hille got the Stink machine into gear and they poured purple stuff all over the Weagles to get the choccies....For the Weagles Kerr was quite, Priddis tried, first game Cockie was okay but a few Eagles are on Glen Jackovich's (Fox Commentator and RoboCop from years gone by) list to go...so this week watch for the Weagles to bounce back, helps playing Melbourne at Subi, and the Stink to get pumped by Carlton.....normal transmission will resume......although it was good to hear all the Eagles supporters choking on their cordials in the second half..
Stink by 13 Heave Ho's
Brisbane v Essendon
After the heroics of ANZAC Day that almost had me driving of the road into a ditch way down south, I was worried how the Dons would go up in BrisVegas and after the first quarter I had good reason to be. This was a disaster from the get go as Fletch's 300th went to @#$% (he left the ground injured in the third) as the Lions did the nasty in the first half and went to the break 6 goals up and effectively it was game over. By the end of the game Braddy and Brown Dog had 9 between them as the Bombers had no-one to match up down back and the Lions midfield led by Blacky, Johnstone, Lukey Power and the little Rich kiddie tore the Bumbers apart. There was one highlight for the red and black as finally after a world record number of attempts to what he had done 899 times before, Lloydy finally got number 900 and deservedly joined a very elite group of players...apart from Fletch the other lowlight was the continued lack of form from Lloydys partner in crime over the years and its doesn't look good for Slucas, who has to fire up soon....actually McPhee could do with a rocket as well....anyway BrisVegas won but will only win at home so who cares....
BrisVoss by 43 Roars
Port Adelaide v Adelaide
... and then the siren went, and the boys from Port had come away with yet another victory. No wait, how can I make this seem more like:
a. I saw the match
b. I care about the match
c. I don't end up on every psycho in Adelaide's kill list
I think I have it
The "Showdown" between the cross psycho rivals is the perfect stage for the Teal Tankers as they embrace it as a grand final, play it like a grand final, somehow manage to win it, celebrate like its a grand final and then play the rest of the season like they're on an end of season trip in Bali with mini bars that never empty....It doesn't help that the winner gets a trophy!.. The TT still haven't quite grasped that beating the Crows is only ONE game in 22.....anyway, enough wacking of the Tankers....this was a good game as the Crows were 23 points in front at halftime (or not), although this could have been much bigger as they had 19 scoring shots to 6 (or something), but hey, getting the red thing through the two BIG whites things is better boys..... Whatever Harves said at the break worked for the Tankers, but why Harves showed up to this match is anyone's guess, as the Cornes team got the Teal machine into gear and they poured teal stuff all over the Crows to get the chico rolls....although it was good to hear all the Adelaide supporters choking on their cordials in the second half..
Power by 26
Sydney v Richmond
Didn't see any of this match, but The Thing was back up forward for Sydney along with the return of Micky O (vice captain of the ugliest team in the AFL - Ling, you still have the c next to your name pal), and playing on their own patch, should have comfortably put away a Tigers side lacking in confidence, and any major ball winning ability. The Swans had an early lead but then nearly gave the game away, Mattner applying a tackle on Jack Riewoldt as he was strolling into an open goal as though he thought he was playing against the Richmond defenders. Sadly, the big Richo can't be laughed at any more for most of this season, and in fact his entire career must now be in some doubt. Some weird leg / tendon / leg of hamstring injury or something, with 10-12 weeks being the best prognosis. I'm a bit tired of shrugging my shoulders and, with a wry grin, thinking "that's Richo," whenever he misses what should be an easy set shot on goal anyway. It used to be funny, it then got amusing, but now it's just downright ridiculous, to the point where even now I'm frustrated. Kick the damn thing through the BIG sticks would you!! Ah NO, not out of bounds YOU IDIOT!! Has been the heart and soul of Tigerland, but it's time to give it away.
Swans to win most at home, might continue to struggle on the road. Sorry Cuz if you were writing something, I just really wanted to get these out there
Swans by 19
Melbourne v Geelong
Everyone was looking forward to this game about as much as you could look forward to Talking ‘Bout Your Generation. This was a match of David vs Goliath type proportions, where Goliath also brought his bigger brothers. This match did however mean the return of Robbo (no relation) to the Demons forward line, missing for a long time after injuring his Achilles last season. After the first bounce there was barely enough time for the members to sip their chardonnay before Gablett had one on the board. The match was 9 seconds old. It seemed that Goliath had already pantsed Melbourne and was now happily doing the “typewriter”. To the Dees’ credit, they fought back and at one stage even took the lead in the first quarter, briefly as it was. They also had their chances early in the second but the class of Geelong shone through, and a few clinical goals put the game to bed. The kids of Melbourne didn’t stop trying though, Robbo (no relation) made a serviceable return, Aaron Davey continued his good start to the season and they look like they have a game plan in place. Not surprising they beat the Tiges. Geelong’s kicking for a goal is still a worry. 21 behinds with only 4 of those rushed. That’s not particularly good, but their general field play is still impressive enough to suggest they will be thereabouts later in the season. Bartel and John Malkevich, 41 possessions each. Gablett hurt something and could be out for a few weeks. Dream Team trade time?
Cats by 43
Bulldogs v Saints
What could have been billed as match of the round if it wasn’t for those pesky Hawks and Blues kids, became a “can St Kilda do it again, this being their first real test” type of affair. The Bulldogs had Cooney returning but probably underdone, but there was expected to be some bite from the Dogs having lost their previous two. Kosi was back for St Kilda after missing a week with a calf, and somehow it seemed that the Bulldogs never really got into the game. Two highly tactical coaches in the box went at it head-to-head, with the Saints coach pulling out the surprise move when going forward … kick it to Rooey. Genius stuff that Rossy, you’re a master. Mostly it worked, with the big Nick taking plenty of marks in the first quarter, and yet in an ode to Richo, sprayed them all over the place. These two should start a business together when they retire from the game. We Spray, Weeds Away. Still, that goal from the boundary from the Saints captain was a pearler, and he was running Morris and Lake around like nobody’s business. Young Picken did some good things for the Dogs, going into the contest hard, tackling well, and using the ball with a fair amount of efficiency. Griffen got a bit of it but was largely ineffective, and still yet to really take control of a game. Perhaps trying to figure out if he’s half lion / eagle or half tabby cat / pelican. Goddard was sensational for St Kilda, best on ground for mine. Hayes was damn good in close also. The Bulldogs will always struggle against good sides whilst they lack a genuine tall forward, with talent. In other words, don’t go chasing Travis Cloke. The Ray-Gun had a superb match against his old team with a triple / double, getting booed by the opposition early in the game which soon stopped as they either realised he was cutting them up, or that their team traded him against his will. Kosi made it through the game without head-butting the fence; a positive sign.
First real test for St Kilda will be against Collingwood next Monday night. Monday night? What’s the go with that? The game better be on Fox Sports Plus …
Saints by 28
North Melbourne v Collingwood
This started off as quite a good match, the Pies off to a cracking start with the first few goals and Pendlebury dominant, and then finally the Kangas got the ball rolling with a few goals of their own. It was a quarter of two halves, right Den? With North Melbourne in their light blue strip that apparently the AFL forces upon them, it was thought that perhaps the team would fall over at the slightest contact or get distracted by the white lines all over the field. Daniel Wells wasn't playing, so at least the first option was less likely. Petrie pulled off an amazing goal, battling it out close to the line with his opponent (Brown maybe?), the ball came in and looked as though it would head through for a behind, when the big Drew stuck his big boot out and kicked it over his left shoulder for a goal! Sensational stuff! Urquhart and Simpson were trying hard for North whilst Swan was racking up possessions all over place, well supported by the dazzling and equally unlikeable Neon Leon. After having been pillared in the press, well by Grant Thomas at least, Benjamin Button was up for a big one and only seemed to get better as the night wore on. Maybe because he was younger by the end of it. The second quarter went much like the first but late in that term Collingwood were able to break away and get a handy lead, Lockyer particularly damaging on the scoreboard. Travis Cloke did his best Anthony Rocca impersonation. The pressure being applied by the Magpies was impressive. As was the spray that Mick Malthouse gave Jack Anthony after a series of ill disciplined acts, including a butt of heads with an unrecognizable Kangaroos player, and silly 50 metre penalties. There was spittle from Mick's mouth and a bit of Parko vein popping action to be had, which was just terrific to see.
The second half was generally a let down for those wanting to see a contest, and in the end the Magpies proved far too powerful for an injury depleted Kanagaroos team.
Pies by 52 goolly whackers
Hawthorn v Carlton
This was a cracker of a game. Two big cracking forwards, kicking bags of goals each, several of which were crackers. A cracker of a (somewhat loose) match up in the middle with Sewell on Judd; a cracker of a contest. Arnott's could not have done any better, I tell you. A big crowd at the G saw the premiers Hawthorn taking on finals expectant Carlton in a game that had everything. Not all of the skills were executed to perfection, but this is what happens when you have immense pressure applied as transpired on Saturday afternoon. The whole thing was so exciting that I can't remember any highlights! Of course there were the power forwards, with the rough head of Roughead having 6 by halftime, and then there was Fevola who started slowly but worked his way into the game and ended with 8 for the match. And of course should have had 9. With a set shot from 15 metres, not a massive angle. With stuff all time left on the clock. To win the match. He comes in, has his shot, customary celebration before it's through and .... poster!! What an imbroglio that turned into. Not to be confused with Natalie. Oh, it was almost as though you could feel some sort of emotion for the guy other than smugness. Of course not too long after that the siren went, and it was the Hawks with the win, who now sit somewhat comfortably at 3-3, which they would be very happy with at this stage of the year considering the players still out injured, thank you very much.
The Blues showed something on the weekend that we haven't seen from them in a very long time. Skill. And a desire to win. And a chain of three effective possessions in a row. It was probably all Judd. Do you reckon he commentates to himself? Juddy bursts through, handballs over the top to Judd, kicks it high and long, the pack go up for the mark ... JUDDEEEEEE!
Hawks by 4
West Coast v Fremantle
The "Derby" between the cross river rivals is the perfect stage for the Purple Stink as they embrace it as a grand final, play it like a grand final, somehow manage to win it, celebrate like its a grand final and then play the rest of the season like they're on an end of season trip in Bali with mini bars that never empty....It doesn't help that the winner gets a trophy!.. The PS still haven't quite grasped that beating the Eagles is only ONE game in 22.....oddly enough the only year they ever made the finals was when they decided in a moment of sheer madness to win some of the other games and then promptly pooped it when they found themselves in one of those "finals" thingys.....anyway, enough wacking of the Stink....this was a good game as the Weagles were 23 points in front at halftime, although this could have been much bigger as they had 19 scoring shots to 6, but hey, getting the red thing through the two BIG whites things is better boys..... Whatever Harves said at the break worked for the Stink as the big Pavlova in game 200 and his little mate Haze and draft sensation Hille got the Stink machine into gear and they poured purple stuff all over the Weagles to get the choccies....For the Weagles Kerr was quite, Priddis tried, first game Cockie was okay but a few Eagles are on Glen Jackovich's (Fox Commentator and RoboCop from years gone by) list to go...so this week watch for the Weagles to bounce back, helps playing Melbourne at Subi, and the Stink to get pumped by Carlton.....normal transmission will resume......although it was good to hear all the Eagles supporters choking on their cordials in the second half..
Stink by 13 Heave Ho's
Brisbane v Essendon
After the heroics of ANZAC Day that almost had me driving of the road into a ditch way down south, I was worried how the Dons would go up in BrisVegas and after the first quarter I had good reason to be. This was a disaster from the get go as Fletch's 300th went to @#$% (he left the ground injured in the third) as the Lions did the nasty in the first half and went to the break 6 goals up and effectively it was game over. By the end of the game Braddy and Brown Dog had 9 between them as the Bombers had no-one to match up down back and the Lions midfield led by Blacky, Johnstone, Lukey Power and the little Rich kiddie tore the Bumbers apart. There was one highlight for the red and black as finally after a world record number of attempts to what he had done 899 times before, Lloydy finally got number 900 and deservedly joined a very elite group of players...apart from Fletch the other lowlight was the continued lack of form from Lloydys partner in crime over the years and its doesn't look good for Slucas, who has to fire up soon....actually McPhee could do with a rocket as well....anyway BrisVegas won but will only win at home so who cares....
BrisVoss by 43 Roars
Port Adelaide v Adelaide
... and then the siren went, and the boys from Port had come away with yet another victory. No wait, how can I make this seem more like:
a. I saw the match
b. I care about the match
c. I don't end up on every psycho in Adelaide's kill list
I think I have it
The "Showdown" between the cross psycho rivals is the perfect stage for the Teal Tankers as they embrace it as a grand final, play it like a grand final, somehow manage to win it, celebrate like its a grand final and then play the rest of the season like they're on an end of season trip in Bali with mini bars that never empty....It doesn't help that the winner gets a trophy!.. The TT still haven't quite grasped that beating the Crows is only ONE game in 22.....anyway, enough wacking of the Tankers....this was a good game as the Crows were 23 points in front at halftime (or not), although this could have been much bigger as they had 19 scoring shots to 6 (or something), but hey, getting the red thing through the two BIG whites things is better boys..... Whatever Harves said at the break worked for the Tankers, but why Harves showed up to this match is anyone's guess, as the Cornes team got the Teal machine into gear and they poured teal stuff all over the Crows to get the chico rolls....although it was good to hear all the Adelaide supporters choking on their cordials in the second half..
Power by 26
Sydney v Richmond
Didn't see any of this match, but The Thing was back up forward for Sydney along with the return of Micky O (vice captain of the ugliest team in the AFL - Ling, you still have the c next to your name pal), and playing on their own patch, should have comfortably put away a Tigers side lacking in confidence, and any major ball winning ability. The Swans had an early lead but then nearly gave the game away, Mattner applying a tackle on Jack Riewoldt as he was strolling into an open goal as though he thought he was playing against the Richmond defenders. Sadly, the big Richo can't be laughed at any more for most of this season, and in fact his entire career must now be in some doubt. Some weird leg / tendon / leg of hamstring injury or something, with 10-12 weeks being the best prognosis. I'm a bit tired of shrugging my shoulders and, with a wry grin, thinking "that's Richo," whenever he misses what should be an easy set shot on goal anyway. It used to be funny, it then got amusing, but now it's just downright ridiculous, to the point where even now I'm frustrated. Kick the damn thing through the BIG sticks would you!! Ah NO, not out of bounds YOU IDIOT!! Has been the heart and soul of Tigerland, but it's time to give it away.
Swans to win most at home, might continue to struggle on the road. Sorry Cuz if you were writing something, I just really wanted to get these out there
Swans by 19
Melbourne v Geelong
Everyone was looking forward to this game about as much as you could look forward to Talking ‘Bout Your Generation. This was a match of David vs Goliath type proportions, where Goliath also brought his bigger brothers. This match did however mean the return of Robbo (no relation) to the Demons forward line, missing for a long time after injuring his Achilles last season. After the first bounce there was barely enough time for the members to sip their chardonnay before Gablett had one on the board. The match was 9 seconds old. It seemed that Goliath had already pantsed Melbourne and was now happily doing the “typewriter”. To the Dees’ credit, they fought back and at one stage even took the lead in the first quarter, briefly as it was. They also had their chances early in the second but the class of Geelong shone through, and a few clinical goals put the game to bed. The kids of Melbourne didn’t stop trying though, Robbo (no relation) made a serviceable return, Aaron Davey continued his good start to the season and they look like they have a game plan in place. Not surprising they beat the Tiges. Geelong’s kicking for a goal is still a worry. 21 behinds with only 4 of those rushed. That’s not particularly good, but their general field play is still impressive enough to suggest they will be thereabouts later in the season. Bartel and John Malkevich, 41 possessions each. Gablett hurt something and could be out for a few weeks. Dream Team trade time?
Cats by 43
Bulldogs v Saints
What could have been billed as match of the round if it wasn’t for those pesky Hawks and Blues kids, became a “can St Kilda do it again, this being their first real test” type of affair. The Bulldogs had Cooney returning but probably underdone, but there was expected to be some bite from the Dogs having lost their previous two. Kosi was back for St Kilda after missing a week with a calf, and somehow it seemed that the Bulldogs never really got into the game. Two highly tactical coaches in the box went at it head-to-head, with the Saints coach pulling out the surprise move when going forward … kick it to Rooey. Genius stuff that Rossy, you’re a master. Mostly it worked, with the big Nick taking plenty of marks in the first quarter, and yet in an ode to Richo, sprayed them all over the place. These two should start a business together when they retire from the game. We Spray, Weeds Away. Still, that goal from the boundary from the Saints captain was a pearler, and he was running Morris and Lake around like nobody’s business. Young Picken did some good things for the Dogs, going into the contest hard, tackling well, and using the ball with a fair amount of efficiency. Griffen got a bit of it but was largely ineffective, and still yet to really take control of a game. Perhaps trying to figure out if he’s half lion / eagle or half tabby cat / pelican. Goddard was sensational for St Kilda, best on ground for mine. Hayes was damn good in close also. The Bulldogs will always struggle against good sides whilst they lack a genuine tall forward, with talent. In other words, don’t go chasing Travis Cloke. The Ray-Gun had a superb match against his old team with a triple / double, getting booed by the opposition early in the game which soon stopped as they either realised he was cutting them up, or that their team traded him against his will. Kosi made it through the game without head-butting the fence; a positive sign.
First real test for St Kilda will be against Collingwood next Monday night. Monday night? What’s the go with that? The game better be on Fox Sports Plus …
Saints by 28
