Game Day Round 9 Matchday Discussion

Loose at HB · 2021-05-13T01:39:11+00:00

All my years of playing SuperCoach has led me to the conclusion that playing this game is a bit like being in a relationship when you’re 16. You don’t really know what you’re doing no matter how many times you tell yourself you do, all the planning in the world isn’t going to fix yours or your team’s performance anxiety and at the end of the day you know it’s not good for you. You’re just short-sighted and you can’t imagine life without it. You ask your friends for advice and they all seem like they’re experts at this caper, but in reality they’re guessing just as much as you are. Well, except for that one guy but he’s jaded and you shouldn’t listen to him. It’s not like he’s done stupid shit like trade in Jack Darling before or go early on Robbie Young and watch him never play a game again… So much like the kid that wanders into the shops for the first time trying not to look shifty as he grabs a box of rubbers, there has been many a SuperCoacher this week pulling up to the Trades service desk, hoodie covering his/her head, sheepishly asking if they can purchase the Blue and White box cradling nervously in their hands. Imagine if Birchy saw me doing this, the coach thinks. Beneath his mask, the cashier allows himself a wry smile. This one is oddly popular this week. Boss is going to be stoked. He glimpses briefly again at this anxious, shady hooded figure, uncomfortably shuffling and fidgeting in place, casting multiple glances at the door and each new customer that enters through it. Processing the payment, the cashier says “If it doesn’t work, you know we don’t do refunds”. The Coach nods silently, snatches the box from the table and scampers rapidly out the door with his tail between his legs. Ideally he would have bought the Bolton box, but when he rang earlier this week they’d told him there was an issue with supply and there wouldn’t be any for about a month. ****ing COVID. This would have to do. Arriving home, the Coach scans his house for any signs of life before retreating to his room – the place where he spends 23 hours a day anyway trawling BigFooty and fruitlessly searching for any evidence that Tom Highmore might get a game. There’s a whiteboard next to the desk – not much of it makes sense anymore but if you squint hard enough, the word “forwards” can be deciphered. Underneath that lies a series of torturous lines, no doubt engineered by the frustration of the true pandemic ravaging our lives at the moment – COVID is no respiratory virus. What it really stands is Current Options Volatile, Invisible or Dead. The forward line at present is a barren wasteland of unprecedented proportions – the 3 Ds of Danger, Dunkley and Dusty were prophesied at the beginning of the year to save Coaches and absolve us of the sins of picking KPFs and thinking that Chad Wingard might deserve another chance. Right now, they’re a combination of Damaged, Dead and Disinterested and instead the temptations of the Ziegull are the only thing keeping us afloat… Thanks, Shai. Alas, the coach above will persist. I will persist. We all will persist – the SuperCoacher is a pack animal and holy **** are we going to need to stick together this season. 2021 has been carnage central and we haven’t even hit the byes…. ST. KILDA vs GEELONG Even when Tom Highmore isn’t playing, he’s still ****ing useless. Barring the biggest miracle since the Resurrection, St. Kilda’s very own unicorn won’t even be useful as a loop this weekend as the Saints kick the round off on Friday night. Jack Steele was somewhat robbed last week after practically carrying his side over the line – 110 is solid but with a BE of 145 this week he looms as a tasty upgrade option over the next couple of weeks. Rowan Marshall showed that CD still give him premium lipstick service on his way to 107 but came off sore late on and with a BE of 124, I’d be tempted to watch him for another week. Hunter Clark was good again and if you’ve got the Chol, midfielder Ryan Byrnes is on the bubble this week following scores of 52 and 62. One shit game will have him basically delisted if old Thomas is anything to go by but if you’re keen… Tom’s already in the rookie abyss, destined to never return. Don’t do it The Cats gave the reigning premiers an absolute hiding last week and their forwards and midfielders took full advantage. Cam Guthrie and Mitch Duncan produced 117 and 125 respectively and their form is making it hard to continually argue against their legitimacy – however, both are now priced over 600k and with the current cow situation are not ideal trade in options at present. Joel Selwood was a little quieter with 88 while the twin pillars of Tom Hawkins and Jeremy Cameron both went nuclear. With the current non-existent nature of forward options, they’re worth a watch as value picks although the Tomahawk has done us no favours with that 149. His BE is 68 this week. Tom Stewart was put in the sin bin after a couple of early shanks but salvaged his way to a respectable 92. SYDNEY vs COLLINGWOOD For years we’ve joked about “this is the year Mills/Heeney go into the midfield” and for years the Horse has mocked us and laughed maniacally behind his magnets as he sends Callum to play 1v1 on Charlie Dixon. For the first 6 rounds this year, Mills stayed in the guts and looked bloody ****ing good doing it so when he was thrown back in round 7 we were stunned. Horse is a campaigner but this was elaborate even by his standards. 6 games just to **** with us? Thankfully Mills went back into the middle last week and was the best player on the park doing so on his way to 145. He’s the highest averaging defender and a relative POD as well – and as it stands there’s only $100 difference between himself and seagull extraordinaire Jake Lloyd who is close to bottoming out with a BE of 112. Errol Gulden should absolutely be on his way out if you’ve still got him and there’s 3 MID eligible rooks to pick from this week. Chad Warner was steady with 61 and is probably close to being culled but with the forward line wasteland he’s safe to hold as well. Superstar Tom Hickey continued his magical and unexplained renaissance while Isaac Heeney is due to return this week and drop some more $$$ on the back of a 19 in his last outing. The Pies currently have one bloke averaging over the ton – Manbundy went well again with 128 against the Roos while Darcy Moore reaped the benefits of playing in his best position (and having his opponents be Nick Larkey and Tom ****ing Campbell) on the way to 130. He could be a cheap D6 for those who are desperate while Jordan de Goey kicked 6 goals on his way to his first ton this season. He’s 296k with a BE of 6 but **** me you’d have to have some serious nads to even think about it. Caleb Poulter is on the bubble and looks like the most popular trade in this week while the other Pies rooks were a mixed bag – Nathan Murphy looked sensational in the first half before coming off second best against Tarryn Thomas’ shoulder while Beau McCreery had an episode of amnesia in the second half as he wandered about not getting a single possession. 33 @ HT, 33 @ FT. Brilliant. HAWTHORN vs NORTH MELBOURNE Jarman Impey disgusts me. In the same way the opposition captain in this game disgusts me, but at least I own him. In what shapes as a battle between 2 of SC’s premier seagulls in 2021 who are conveniently masquerading as forward premos, Impey gulled his way to a classically ineffectual 116 to lift his average to 98.3. This from a bloke who’s never averaged more than 74 in the previous 7 years of his career. His partner in crime in Mr. Jiath also tonned up and continues to make Jordan Clark look like a complete disaster of a starting pick. In saying that, I could probably average 60 playing half back in a shit side so grab me as a 102k rook next year :moustache: Tom Mitchell went LARGE with 147 in a sign that he may be returning to his pig ways and looks as a great trade in option this week as he has bottomed out. On the other side of things, Jacob Koschitzke probably needs to go after blunting his cash gen with a 38 but a BE of 60 is achievable given this week’s opposition. Speaking of which – in the Roo corner to take on Impey in our headline fight we have the man, the myth, the legend and saviour of SC 2021 in Jack Ziebell. I don’t know what bizarro world we live in where Jack ****ing Ziebell is 599k, but here we are. He tonned again to make it 7/8 this season and it goes without saying that he is a must have. His undercard to go up against CJ is a man who is emblematic of the desolate nothingness that is currently available up forward – Aaron Hall. Now before anyone calls me insane – I am, but that’s beside the point. Hall has an average of 108.25 across 4 non-injury affected games, plays in the worst side in the comp and scores for fun playing kick to kick with his captain. I think he’s a lock to average at least 90 in this role and with the current state of the forward line, that’s keeper material if he can stay on the park. It will be intriguing to see who comes on top in the Battle of the Gulls :moustache: Current odds have the Ziegull as a $1.47 favourite against Impgull in the main event. Undercard even money at this stage In more respectable news, Tom Powell continues to chug along nicely however with a few mid premos bottoming out soon/now (Titch, Steele, Jelly) he may need to be culled earlier than ideal. He has been an outstanding piglet. GOLD COAST vs BRISBANE The Touk Touk Train kept flying along with another SP score… and then unfortunately the kent went and got himself suspended. He’s got a very friendly bye and one to look at for R13 provided he doesn’t become drastically out of reach. Jack Bowes is coming back down to earth a little bit and only has one ton is his last 4 but is still fantastically priced for his average. Jy Farrar was better with 66 but the prior week’s score of 43 has really stunted his cash gen. The Lions’ Lyons is legit campaigners. A 145 against the Dockers brought his season average to 119.8 - he’s only 8k more expensive than his starting price and hasn’t dropped under the ton all season. I’d be pretty confident in saying the only other mid who can boast that achievement is Jack Macrae. If you are in a position to outlay 600k+ for a mid (not many of us are) and you’re a bit sceptical about Cam Guthrie, I would absolutely jump on this bloke. If not him, I would also strongly recommend the Suitcase who is absolutely flying in the absence of Piggy Neale, taking on more responsibility in the centre square and averaging a clean 123 through the last 5 rounds. Both of these 2 are PODs and both will be out of reach pretty soon if they keep up their current form. Someone who is in reach however is Dayne Zorko – the man is reliable injury-wise and if he suits your byes, he’s probably the premo forward I’d be looking to target for an upgrade of those that are yet to find a magical way to injure themselves… RICHMOND vs GWS What a perfect way for me to lead into talking about Shai ****ing Bolton. His last 5 rounds read as; 110, 110, 99, 121, 108. His next 4 will read like a half-eaten packet of Krispy Kremes as the campaigner decided that the pressure of being one of a grand total of five viable forward premos was too much for him and proceeded to break his wrist. In Shai’s defense, you can at least never accuse him of not giving a shit unlike his apparent “superstar” teammate Dustin Martin who continued his general midseason theme of disinterest with another terrible score. The Tiges quite literally have no midfield players left so Dusty might be forced into trying this week, while his new inexperienced right hand man (and bubble boy) Riley Collier-Dawkins comes to terms with the fact that someone will be forced to pay attention to him on Saturday. His JS through the byes is rock-solid unless he falls victim to whatever injury curse is currently inflicting the rest of his midfield counterparts. Down back, Jayden Short was solid again and appears to have bottomed out while Rhyan Mansell continued his crawl to 200k. RCD claiming his rightful place as Richmond’s first choice clearance mid Josh Kelly, while talented is probably the best downhill skier in the AFL and he will relish coming up against Richmond’s VFL standard midfield. 2 good scores in a row and a favourable bye week have many considering trading in the man known as Jelly before he goes on one of those runs where he averages 130 for 6 weeks and promptly picks up a soft tissue injury to wrap it up. 511k seems a bargain, while Tim Taranto continued his recent borderline-SP form (5 round average of 108!) with a big 126. Mr. Punchable was solid with an 87 while there is hope for the cash gen of coaches everywhere – big Mummy is reportedly sore which may open the door for one final hurrah for SP Flynn before he is sent to the slaughterhouse. Lachie Whitfield has looked pretty rusty in his first 2 games and has a BE of 177 following 2 scores of 83 and 74. He’ll turn it around but looks like a juicy trade in after his bye. PORT ADELAIDE vs WESTERN BULLDOGS Around this time last week every Coach and his dog had the name Martin Frederick circled, highlighted and imprinted onto their team. It was also around this time last week that Kent Hinkley did what his name suggested he would do and dropped him. Panic ensued as coaches hit the reverse trades button faster than the average 15 year old deletes his browsing history and the tribe cackled with laughter at the 20000 coaches stuck with another dead rookie. But Kent had another trick in store. Little Marty came on as the medical sub and despite only scoring 18, went up 47k and now actually has a chance of staying in the side following another knock to Dan Houston’s shoulder. Houston, we absolutely have a problem and his name is Kent Hinkley. Most sensible coaches have missed the boat now, but there’s 20000 campaigners out there that may have lucked out. Tell me this game isn’t utter bullshit. Kent after ruining the plans of Coaches everywhere. Get ****ed campaigner Of the other relevant Port players, Travis Boak and Aliir Aliir were both relatively quiet while Miles Bergman has quietly turned himself into a very good cash cow and a solid on-field option for the time being. There’s also some talk that ruckman Sam Hayes may debut which could give those coaches looking to cull SP Flynn the perfect downgrade option following Scott Lycett’s 4 week suspension. We often have a go at Marcus Bontempelli here for his hilarious levels of KOTD but there was nothing bullshit about his score or performance against the Blues, the Bont almost turning the game singlehandedly on his way to 155. Jack Macrae has had a couple of relatively down games by his lofty standards but has still tonned up in both of them, which raises questions about why his ownership was only 27% at the start of the season. The Helmut Caleb Daniel turned in a last quarter for the ages after spending the first 3 over at AAMI Park while the CD work experience kid revealed he’s still clearly working off the algorithm from 2015 after Anthony Scott somehow delivered an 85 following a late goal. He’s now every chance to reach 300k despite dropping 2 turds in the 20s in his first 4 games. Bailey Dale produced another solid score and with a very SC friendly role, may be worth a look up forward for 444k. ESSENDON vs FREMANTLE Had you told me after Round 4 that Jordan Ridley would have been available for under 500k at some point this season, I would have likely asked you to pass me the pipe. Yet here we are before the start of Round 9 and the Riddler sits at a very gettable 488k and a breakeven of 119 meaning there’s every chance he’ll drop further given his lacklustre (SC-wise) form since returning. Thankfully for him, no one in the Freo midfield outside of David Mundy can kick so there’s hope of Jordan returning to SP form this week. His vice-captain Zach Merrett continued his fine form and more surprisingly actually received some love from CD after the siren while midpricers Dyson Heppell and Nick Hind delivered a pair of solid scores for their owners. Alec Waterman is reportedly over an ankle complaint and, with Jake Stringer hamstrung, the anooses of SCers everywhere will be clenched in the hope Aquaman can make a heroic return. For those with Nik Cox, it’s probably time to part ways. Nat Fyfe has been utterly sensational and a beacon of consistency since returning from concussion in Round 4. 5 straight tons and 4 of them over 120 has the Brownlow medallist in rare form – had the campaigner ever learned how to kick as a junior there would have been a couple of 150s in there. Andy Brayshaw failed to ride his coattails in a largely poor Freo performance and only salvaged some semblance of decency with a solid last quarter while David Mundy just keeps on keeping on. Luke Ryan will be missing again after he asked coach Justin Longmuir for another week off to rehearse his audition for the next season of The Voice in the hope that will allow him to meet his true hero. I didn’t even have to work for this one… MELBOURNE vs CARLTON Max Gawn spent 3 quarters neutralised by the power of SP Hickey but came to life in the last to carry the Dees over the line and drastically lower the heart rates of all of those who had backed him in to bounce back from Round 7’s debacle. He looms as a very tasty captain option this week against Carlton’s poor ruck stocks and midfield that consists of Sam Walsh, a well done Patrick Cripps and not much else. Clayton Oliver is also making a habit of having cracking last quarters and has produced a 5 tons in a row since being De Boered in Round 3 while Christian Petracca produced a second underwhelming game in succession and looks like being an excellent trade in around the byes if he can get back to the form of the month prior. A BE of 168 leaves him very likely to leak more cash this week. Half back star Christian Salem is making a really firm case as a backline SP this season but despite another ton, he looks like he’s peaked in price following a 167 3 weeks ago and I would let him come down in price if you’re interested. Popular trade-in Steven May is rumoured to still have Buddy Franklin in his back pocket but unfortunately his defensive prowess didn’t translate to a fantastic score, while on the rookie front James Jordon continued his excellent form. Deciding when to mercilessly cull him could be season defining. Talking about Patrick Cripps as a Carlton supporter is difficult. Watching him play so far this season is even harder. There are hardly any flickers of the form that made Crippa the most fearsome inside midfielder in the comp, and the fact that last week’s 72 was his best score in the last 3 speaks volumes about the complete and unadulterated shitness he has been dishing up recently. Sam Walsh tried hard but had his colours lowered by the Dogs’ rapid throwing handball game while Sam Docherty was in the top 3 Blues out there, looking more and more like his old SP self by the week on his way to 132 and a 5 round average a tick under 110. Zac Williams looks like he’s been spending his 800k salary on bucketloads of KFC as he delivered what can only be described as a sluggish 27. He has been nothing short of terrible so far this season and his suspension in pre-season looks like a godsend in hindsight. Footage of Zac Williams at Carlton training during the week WEST COAST vs ADELAIDE Shannon Hurn’s continued absence with a calf injury removes my only real reason to talk about the Eagles from a SC perspective but outside of the Thighmaster, there are a couple of midfielders of interest. After a slow start to the season Andrew Gaff continued his hot streak with 133 to make it 3 tons in his last 4 while his partner in crime Tim Kelly came back down to earth slightly with 98. I would be steering away from Telly as a POD personally – he seems to need to play astronomically well in order to post 110+ and with only 2 tons in his 8 games to date, there’s better options elsewhere. For the Crows, Rory Sloane returned from a freak eye injury to tackle his way to an even 100 in stark contrast to seagull-turned-pig Rory Laird who racked up season highs in both possessions and SC score. The bubble that is Taylor Walker has well and truly burst and the near-30% of coaches still with him should be looking to jump off as soon as possible, lest they wish to join him in the obscurity of mid-priced nothingness. However, by virtue of a minor miracle, the fat midget campaigner Jimmy Rowe managed to find enough scraps at Tex’s feet and post a very respectable but absolutely KOTD 81. I’d still be looking to trade him out this week if you’ve still got him as the kent forgets what the pill looks like outside the confines of Adelaide Oval. Sam Berry is a bit of a nothing rook at this stage but warm bodies are always appreciated. So. After another week of carnage and multiple ruined trade plans, here we are again. One more weekend to navigate, with the small light of returning Thursday teams our reward for getting through to the other side. May the Chol be with you :moustache: