Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
- Moderator
- #1
Hello and welcome back to Sweet News everyone. Tonight in sports we'll be previewing this week's much-anticipated semi-final clashes in the Sweet Football Association.
In the Second Semi-Final, we will see the Fighting Furies taking on the Baghdad Bombers. The club that originally recruited the incoming administrator NaturalDisaster and the club that gave us such modern luminary captains such as HaroLad and WaynesWorld19. Onto the match preview...
Players To Watch
Now usually in any OP of a match thread, this is the segment where you would expect to find some statistics of players who have been in good form recently and are eagerly awaiting that tag notification respecting said good form to give them a dopamine hit. Tonight, I will not be doing that.
Why?
Because if you're the type of person who actually cares about the statistics next to your name, then you 100% already know exactly how many hitouts, kicks, marks, tackles, disposals, dream team points, goals etc. you have this season. You update them to your career stats on an excel spreadsheet which you will probably at some point print out on a piece of paper, burn it into ashes so you can snort your Qooty stats like some sort of exotic drug. You don't need any more affirmation and I will not be giving you any.
If you want stats then you can go to this thread or this thread, and CTRL+F your name which you have undoubtedly done 500+ times already over the course of this season and the rest of us normal people can move right along to more important matters.
Recent Form
Usually, this the part of the segment where you'd probably expect some sort of revision of the recent games that the respective teams have played, how they fared and such. But time after time, surveys have shown that the only people who are actually here for the Qooty aspect of the Sweet FA are losers like Ant Bear and Mobbs. What people are really here for are the personalities and the media stories. So let's take a look at what's been happening off the field for some of the key players in this game.
- Sweet's resident Julian Assange Santoz and his Bomber allies have been fighting an ongoing legal battle with league administration and moderation in the media this past week over an unfair 'badging' as a "Star Wars fan" and "Zombie Lover". He claims that it 'makes him uncomfortable to be associated with such undesirable sections of the population who engage in nerd culture' and has stated that if reparations are not granted he will be escalating the matter to the Human Rights Commission.
- Furies captain Tigerturbulance is facing possible disrepute charges this week after an ear busting karaoke performance in the Sweet City town square caused auditory injuries to all within a 50m radius. Some describe the event as "embarrassing conduct that is beneath the esteemed reputation of the Fighting Furies Qootball Club" and others believe it is a "nefarious plan to render opposition Qooty players deaf in order to inhibit on-field communication in the semi-final".
- A number of Bomber veterans have been interviewed recently by universally admired media figure SM in a feature about the much-venerated Bombers premiership captain HaroLad. KohPhi, Tony Lynn 15 and TheCoach16 took turns gushing about their admiration their former captain and warm recollections of a time when they were at the beck and call of a 17-year old reddit edgelord. They attribute the inspiration for their brand of posting to Haro, which explains why all the Bombers nowadays post like adolescent emos despite generally being 50 to 60-year-old boomers.
- The Furies leadership group have put their emergencies on notice as it is identified that the likely neglect of the multi-quote function that is expect in this match thread will mean The Half Back is at a high risk of suffering a real-life aneurysm by Wednesday. Furies stalwart, rfctigerarmy is told to stay on notice in case the current full forward gets hospitalised mid-week.
Anyway, it's been Sweet News Sports with Kennedy Parker, captains remember to submit your team sheets before Thursday, 11:59pm AEDT. But really anyone other than a genuinely unintelligent humanoid like Barrybran shouldn't even require a reminder.
