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Certified Legendary Thread TAB's- Full of "characters" ???

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HeathComeBack said:
d

did you try and stuff a few in and jam the machine?
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nah I tried to put more than one at a time, and it just returned them all back to me. After I managed to get them in one at a time and chose my bet, it spat out a voucher without a bet written on it. So I had to go to the counter, scan the voucher and she gave me the amount in notes again.
 
halapenyo said:
nah I tried to put more than one at a time, and it just returned them all back to me. After I managed to get them in one at a time and chose my bet, it spat out a voucher without a bet written on it. So I had to go to the counter, scan the voucher and she gave me the amount in notes again.
Click to expand...

Wait, so how did your money laundering operation fail?
 
Great read. Been copying and sending various descriptions to my mates that (when
not locked down) frequent our local and you lot have nailed most of them.

One of them sent back this: our local of choice is a well regarded steakhouse in Melbourne so we get a lot of these:

What about 'table full of rich, old, private school c**** ; all blind drunk from 4 hour lunch next door, spreading out, and standing in a tight packed group of 20, smack bang in the middle, of the narrowest, busiest thoroughfare.

All but 1 wearing R.M Williams and checked cotton shirts. All talking over the top of each other. Table covered with 100 screwed up tickets from communal pool. At least 50 pots of Carlton going flat as Makers Marks, with 'just a dash' of coke begin to make an appearance.

All 25 of them screaming as 1, in the latter stages, of every greyhound, harness and Trackside race in a vain attempt to get the $5 bet on the $2.70 fave up for the 'kitty'.

Asking if you wouldn't mind giving them another cuppla ciggies, as they lean on their AMG, 'because they don't actually smoke, only when they've had a few drinks'. Then 'champing you' as a thankyou...
 
One who was a shocker at an agency I went to a few times years ago.
The Spitter.

Would mumble during the races in his native tongue and as the field neared the post, he would growl loudly before firing a loogy onto the ground

The immediate area around him would look like pond slime on his bad days. Staff turned a blind eye as his losses would fund them with ease.
 
Taylor Moss said:
Great read. Been copying and sending various descriptions to my mates that (when
not locked down) frequent our local and you lot have nailed most of them.

One of them sent back this: our local of choice is a well regarded steakhouse in Melbourne so we get a lot of these:

What about 'table full of rich, old, private school c**** ; all blind drunk from 4 hour lunch next door, spreading out, and standing in a tight packed group of 20, smack bang in the middle, of the narrowest, busiest thoroughfare.

All but 1 wearing R.M Williams and checked cotton shirts. All talking over the top of each other. Table covered with 100 screwed up tickets from communal pool. At least 50 pots of Carlton going flat as Makers Marks, with 'just a dash' of coke begin to make an appearance.

All 25 of them screaming as 1, in the latter stages, of every greyhound, harness and Trackside race in a vain attempt to get the $5 bet on the $2.70 fave up for the 'kitty'.

Asking if you wouldn't mind giving them another cuppla ciggies, as they lean on their AMG, 'because they don't actually smoke, only when they've had a few drinks'. Then 'champing you' as a thankyou...
Click to expand...
Solid nom for post of the year!
 
So as lockdown was over i decided to stretch my legs and go out for a while. Went to the local TAB which i haven't been in for 6 years or so but it hadnt changed a bit. My old mate the Slap was there along with his brother and another couple of regulars, Muttley who had grown a 12 white beard from the last time i saw him and Steve the gear change guru. Spoke to the Slap, asked him how had he being going and he reckons he hasnt had a bet since Victoria was last open and had saved up heaps to bet with. He was betting big so he could visit the "establishments" but was losing the plot every race as per usual. Not enough honey for him, the joker always won so the establishment girls were safe for another night.
This 6ft 10 unmasked dark skinned trady then walked in and in a booming voice declared he had never had a bet but would like to have one tonight. The girl behind the counter told him he couldn't come in and he proceeded to charm her and ask her out lol She declined but let him stay and gave him a mask. He sat down next to me and asked for a tip so i told him The Sisters in the last at Cranbourne. He went and had $200 each way on it! I was scared i wouldn't get out alive if it lost. We proceeded to watch the race and he had no clue what was going on but i told him it was going alright and i thought it was going to win. IT zoomed down the outside and it was a tight photo but i knew it had lost. .. The tall dude thought it had won and proceeded to give me this huge hug telling slap he would shout him to the establishments (if the slap drove), Anyway the photo came up and of course it ran second which enraged the Slap who proceeded to rant about it had won but it lost because the camera angle was wrong. Tall dude did not look happy but I calmed him down by telling him he will get his money back because he backed it each way.
Anyway i came home and had a shower because god knows what disease the tall dude might have given me. Think i will go back to online betting again!
 
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HeathComeBack said:
So as lockdown was over i decided to stretch my legs and go out for a while. Went to the local TAB which i haven't been in for 6 years or so but it hadnt changed a bit. My old mate the Slap was there along with his brother and another couple of regulars, Muttley who had grown a 12 white beard from the last time i saw him and Steve the gear change guru. Spoke to the Slap, asked him how had he being going and he reckons he hasnt had a bet since Victoria was last open and had saved up heaps to bet with. He was betting big so he could visit the "establishments" but was losing the plot every race as per usual. Not enough honey for him, the joker always won so the establishment girls were safe for another night.
This 6ft 10 unmasked dark skinned trady then walked in and in a booming voice declared he had never had a bet but would like to have one tonight. The girl behind the counter told him he couldn't come in and he proceeded to charm her and ask her out lol She declined but let him stay and gave him a mask. He sat down next to me and asked for a tip so i told him The Sisters in the last at Cranbourne. He went and had $200 each way on it! I was scared i wouldn't get out alive if it lost. We proceeded to watch the race and he had no clue what was going on but i told him it was going alright and i thought it was going to win. IT zoomed down the outside but and it was a tight photo but i knew it had lost. .. The tall dude thought it had won and proceeded to give me this huge hug telling slap he would shout him to the establishments (if the slap drove), Anyway the photo came up and of course it ran second which enraged the Slap who proceeded to rant about it had won but it lost because the camera angle was wrong. Tall dude did not look happy but I calmed him down by telling him he will get his money back because he backed it each way.
Anyway i came home and had a shower because god knows what disease the tall dude might have given me. Think i will go back to online betting again!
Click to expand...

Next time tell the tradie EW betting is for pussies - he will appreciate the advice
 

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HeathComeBack said:
So as lockdown was over i decided to stretch my legs and go out for a while. Went to the local TAB which i haven't been in for 6 years or so but it hadnt changed a bit. My old mate the Slap was there along with his brother and another couple of regulars, Muttley who had grown a 12 white beard from the last time i saw him and Steve the gear change guru. Spoke to the Slap, asked him how had he being going and he reckons he hasnt had a bet since Victoria was last open and had saved up heaps to bet with. He was betting big so he could visit the "establishments" but was losing the plot every race as per usual. Not enough honey for him, the joker always won so the establishment girls were safe for another night.
This 6ft 10 unmasked dark skinned trady then walked in and in a booming voice declared he had never had a bet but would like to have one tonight. The girl behind the counter told him he couldn't come in and he proceeded to charm her and ask her out lol She declined but let him stay and gave him a mask. He sat down next to me and asked for a tip so i told him The Sisters in the last at Cranbourne. He went and had $200 each way on it! I was scared i wouldn't get out alive if it lost. We proceeded to watch the race and he had no clue what was going on but i told him it was going alright and i thought it was going to win. IT zoomed down the outside but and it was a tight photo but i knew it had lost. .. The tall dude thought it had won and proceeded to give me this huge hug telling slap he would shout him to the establishments (if the slap drove), Anyway the photo came up and of course it ran second which enraged the Slap who proceeded to rant about it had won but it lost because the camera angle was wrong. Tall dude did not look happy but I calmed him down by telling him he will get his money back because he backed it each way.
Anyway i came home and had a shower because god knows what disease the tall dude might have given me. Think i will go back to online betting again!
Click to expand...
No,go back Cup Day.
 
rank and file said:
No,go back Cup Day.
Click to expand...

Does anyone remember the early 1990s when there would be 2 hour long queues outside every TAB on Cup day morning? My dad made me get up at 7am just to continually hit the phone lines because you basically had to wait 90 minutes to get through to an operator to put the day's bets on via the phone account.
 
iluvparis said:
Does anyone remember the early 1990s when there would be 2 hour long queues outside every TAB on Cup day morning? My dad made me get up at 7am just to continually hit the phone lines because you basically had to wait 90 minutes to get through to an operator to put the day's bets on via the phone account.
Click to expand...

the key to cupday betting on the phone was to bet when flemington was been run. Easy yo get through and place bets.
 
iluvparis said:
Does anyone remember the early 1990s when there would be 2 hour long queues outside every TAB on Cup day morning? My dad made me get up at 7am just to continually hit the phone lines because you basically had to wait 90 minutes to get through to an operator to put the day's bets on via the phone account.
Click to expand...
The Monday night TAB visit before Cup Day was a ritual each and every year in our house. Now there's a smell that will never leave your nose .

Nothing like fumbling through 100 different tickets the next day, the $1 mystery bets were a mainstay.
 

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pendlebury_10 said:
The Monday night TAB visit before Cup Day was a ritual each and every year in our house. Now there's a smell that will never leave your nose .

Nothing like fumbling through 100 different tickets the next day, the $1 mystery bets were a mainstay.
Click to expand...
Before corporates were an option the Monday night was sensible, because invariably the system would go down Tuesday morning
 
This year will at least see less of Fixed Deductions Man.

The punter who cannot understand - no matter how it is explained - that if another runner is scratched then their winner will have a small deduction from the dividend. He is a close mate of Futures Man. The guy who backed a Northern Territory Class 1 runner for the Cup futures market back in August and doesn't understand why doesn't have a refund due to him now.
 
TheJanuaryMan said:
This year will at least see less of Fixed Deductions Man.

The punter who cannot understand - no matter how it is explained - that if another runner is scratched then their winner will have a small deduction from the dividend. He is a close mate of Futures Man. The guy who backed a Northern Territory Class 1 runner for the Cup futures market back in August and doesn't understand why doesn't have a refund due to him now.
Click to expand...

Try explaining to these people how a quaddie works after the meeting has been called off after the first leg and TAB have paid out winner/field/field/field
 
Hamingja said:
Try explaining to these people how a quaddie works after the meeting has been called off after the first leg and TAB have paid out winner/field/field/field
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Reminds me of the day the big 6 jackpotted to something like 3 million and it poured with rain so there was heaps of scratchings during the day. All the subs won so people were coming in thinking they were going to pick up an amount and won heaps more and thought how good was this! I reckon heaps and heaps of tickets would have been thrown away because most wouldn't understand the sub rule
 
Trying to explain the ALL IN bets to Dad and his mates and why you got such a good price. As if your horsey dies/moves interstate or overseas/gets injured or spelled/goes to stud or broodmaring/retires/doesn't make the international flight you've done your dosh Dad!
 

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