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owen87 said:
Being comfortable and content in yourself and with your own company is very important to making you comfortable and content in a relationship IMO.
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Or as RuPaul says, if you can't love yourself how the hell are you gonna love anyone else!

(Can I get an amen up in here)
 
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Cool.
 
Scotland said:
Things I learned today: over 35 = "mature". :oops:
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Well yeah, in pr0n if you look closer to 18 then your work goes in in the 'teen' category, and if you look closer to 30 you're in the MILF category.

But also to anyone under the age of 22 being 35 years old seems pretty damn old.
 

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ash_1050 said:
Well yeah, in pr0n if you look closer to 18 then your work goes in in the 'teen' category, and if you look closer to 30 you're in the MILF category.

But also to anyone under the age of 22 being 35 years old seems pretty damn old.
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I still feel 22. Unless I talk to someone that is actually 22. Or drink 10 beers. Or try to get out of a chair.
 
Agree with Scotland on wanting to rescue or "fix" someone with mental health (or other!) issues. That is pretty much guaranteed to lead to a Hindenburg.

But you also can't dismiss those who have an open mind to such problems and are prepared to offer acceptance and support as part of a relationship. Especially if they have been through the same mill themselves and can approach things empathically.

I also agree that you can't expect someone else to make you happy. However, just being in a healthy relationship can bring its own happiness, and that may be what a lot of people around my age are seeking.
 
Wanting to fix someone isn't accepting them as a whole person.

Accepting that nobody is perfect, we all have our issues, mental health problems are normal and like physical health problems some of them are chronic and lifelong is something that isn't talked about much.

Happiness is not permanent and no one thing is the solution to your problems, including a relationship but at OTP said above a good relationship where two people care for and support each other sure helps with dealing with everything else, also that relationship doesn't have to be a partner. Just saying
 
Some people are mentally draining and accepting people for who they are 'loving yourself' often don't mesh.

A mate of mine broke up with his girlfriend years ago and is now happily married with a couple of kids. His original girlfriend was a nightmare and you could see the toll that supporting her was taking on him. Is he a good guy for putting his own happiness first, or a bad guy for not prioritising hers? It's not always cut and dry.
 
Scotland said:
Some people are mentally draining and accepting people for who they are 'loving yourself' often don't mesh.

A mate of mine broke up with his girlfriend years ago and is now happily married with a couple of kids. His original girlfriend was a nightmare and you could see the toll that supporting her was taking on him. Is he a good guy for putting his own happiness first, or a bad guy for not prioritising hers? It's not always cut and dry.
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I think everyone has a duty of care to themselves; there's no point spending all your emotional energy trying to prioritise someone else and ending up in a hole where you can't help anyone because you're so burned out yourself.

Taking care of yourself, helps you take care of others. If you reach a point where you can do no more for someone, and it's just an unhealthy relationship, then leaving isn't necessarily 'bad'.

I've been in a similar position, helped someone as much as I could until it reached a point where she wasn't actually taking ownership of sorting her own shit out, and continuing on was only going to lead to me ending up in a place I didn't want to be.

People are allowed to have rough patches and mental illness, the key thing for me is taking ownership of it. If a person isn't taking ownership, then it's not on their partner to sort their shit out for them, and IMO ultimately is likely to lead to a highly dependent relationship which isn't good long-term for either party.
 
Scotland said:
Thinking I'll probably hang up the boots and exclusively date only women who aren't on dating apps.

Or just play video games and eat fried chicken and die alone a fat kent. Either or.
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I don't eat a lot of fried chicken. Otherwise, you wrote my biography.

Shell said:
Im 41 no kids no baggage. AFAIK im not a mental case.
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Are you trying to claim you are a cat lady, and not crazy?
 
Scotland said:
Some people are mentally draining and accepting people for who they are 'loving yourself' often don't mesh.

A mate of mine broke up with his girlfriend years ago and is now happily married with a couple of kids. His original girlfriend was a nightmare and you could see the toll that supporting her was taking on him. Is he a good guy for putting his own happiness first, or a bad guy for not prioritising hers? It's not always cut and dry.
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You've got to be happy yourself before you can start assisting others. It's like an oxygen mask on a flight, if you spend all your efforts trying to get someone else to a good state it's at your own detriment. Also happiness begets happiness, if I'm happy myself it's much easier for me to be a good friend or partner in terms of supporting someone who is having difficulties in their own life such as mental health issues. If you're not happy yourself it's a case of misery compounding if you're busy trying to solve someone else's problems rather than your own.
 
Scotland said:
Some people are mentally draining and accepting people for who they are 'loving yourself' often don't mesh.

A mate of mine broke up with his girlfriend years ago and is now happily married with a couple of kids. His original girlfriend was a nightmare and you could see the toll that supporting her was taking on him. Is he a good guy for putting his own happiness first, or a bad guy for not prioritising hers? It's not always cut and dry.
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I'm not suggesting you have to take any and all comers on

Accepting people for who they are can also mean cutting toxic people out of your life instead of thinking they'll change.

In the context of mental health nobody has perfect mental health at all times and the idea that someone with mental health problems is somehow unworthy of your time (as written by someone else in this thread, not you) is a pretty bad way to look at the world I reckon.
 
I have to share my foray into Tinder as a male in his late thirties that that jumped onto Tinder a few months after the end of an 8 year relationship.

I matched with a few, copped a lot of ghosting but managed to take a lawyer in her mid-twenties out on a few dates that ended up with her at my place. It was at this point that I realised she is a bit crazy. The next few days she was very limited with communication and I was quite happy that maybe she will ghost me. On the contrary, after not talking to me for a couple of days, she rocks up to my house unannounced with 2 of her friends as I am leaving my place with a friend (who is female) to go get COVID tested. She starts going off at me on my street without me saying a word, so I just drove off. My friend and I laughed it off.

A week later I get a call from my ex (we are still friends), who was contacted by this girl on Facebook. She told my ex a number of straight out lies to hurt my ex (and me). I had to console my ex and assure her I didn't say any of those things and to ignore but the damage was done as my ex is unsure who to believe.

This was my first and only date off Tinder. I am not sure if I can use it ever again. Stay safe :$
 

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23 yr old girl off Hinge recently:

Prompt: Bonus points if you can guess my heritage

Me: guesses incorrectly

Her: "Wrong! It's *****. I reckon your heritage is ******, am I correct?"

Me: "Yeah you actually are, well done!"

Her: "What do I win?"

Me: "Unsure! What would you like?"

Her: "I would like you to ruin me"

5 days later I ruined her.... for about 30 seconds.
 
chunkylover53 said:
23 yr old girl off Hinge recently:

Prompt: Bonus points if you can guess my heritage

Me: guesses incorrectly

Her: "Wrong! It's *****. I reckon your heritage is ******, am I correct?"

Me: "Yeah you actually are, well done!"

Her: "What do I win?"

Me: "Unsure! What would you like?"

Her: "I would like you to ruin me"

5 days later I ruined her.... for about 30 seconds.
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Karaoke?
 
Just wanted to weigh in on the single/relationship debate. I'm 29 years old. One of the happiest people you'd ever meet. Pretty loose, go out most weekends and have lived the party life for quite some time. Play footy, cricket. Have a heap of mates. A great job. Go okay with women without being a casanova. Have never been successful on the dating apps, tend to go a little better in person.

Last year during and after lockdown I started dating someone for the first time in my life and had no idea WTF I was doing. We would go out for date nights and I would have no idea where to go. Made some mistakes (prioritizing nights out with the boys, only catching up with her once a week, amongst other things) that ultimately led to her giving me the flick. Quite unhappy with how things panned out as I liked her a lot but it was a nice training run for relationship. Her feelings for me never quite developed like mine did - which in part was probably down to me not putting in enough effort.

Now I find myself chasing that feeling that I have never really ever chased in my life. Wanting companionship and wanting to find that spark again with somebody new. It's strange because I've ALWAYS been fine on my own. Endured lockdowns on my own and never really longed for companionship. Now I've had a taste of it I'm craving that feeling again. Being able to share shit about your day with someone, being able to fill in those lonely Friday nights or shitty weeknights you would usually do nothing. I think your perspective on being happy single or in a relationship can ultimately depend on your experiences. I find myself unhappy at the moment and longing for that connection with someone which isn't something I've ever experienced in my life.

Completely changed my approach on these apps as I'm taking them somewhat seriously which is something I've never done either.
 
AFDogs said:
Just wanted to weigh in on the single/relationship debate. I'm 29 years old. One of the happiest people you'd ever meet. Pretty loose, go out most weekends and have lived the party life for quite some time. Play footy, cricket. Have a heap of mates. A great job. Go okay with women without being a casanova. Have never been successful on the dating apps, tend to go a little better in person.

Last year during and after lockdown I started dating someone for the first time in my life and had no idea WTF I was doing. We would go out for date nights and I would have no idea where to go. Made some mistakes (prioritizing nights out with the boys, only catching up with her once a week, amongst other things) that ultimately led to her giving me the flick. Quite unhappy with how things panned out as I liked her a lot but it was a nice training run for relationship. Her feelings for me never quite developed like mine did - which in part was probably down to me not putting in enough effort.

Now I find myself chasing that feeling that I have never really ever chased in my life. Wanting companionship and wanting to find that spark again with somebody new. It's strange because I've ALWAYS been fine on my own. Endured lockdowns on my own and never really longed for companionship. Now I've had a taste of it I'm craving that feeling again. Being able to share sh*t about your day with someone, being able to fill in those lonely Friday nights or shitty weeknights you would usually do nothing. I think your perspective on being happy single or in a relationship can ultimately depend on your experiences. I find myself unhappy at the moment and longing for that connection with someone which isn't something I've ever experienced in my life.

Completely changed my approach on these apps as I'm taking them somewhat seriously which is something I've never done either.
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The boy has become the man.

Incidentally I sent through the 'Hey I'm not feeling it' message a couple days ago to someone I met on Tinder for exactly this reason. She's 36 and in the 4-5 weeks we've been talking (one date in there as well) I've noticed her entire schedule revolves around gigs, drinking cocktails, sending memes, and photos bitching about work on snapchat. She's also still living in a share house, which at 36 seems a bit excessive. Given I'm after a relationship as you are, I want to be dating someone who's mature, has goals, and wants to grow together in a relationship rather than someone who acts as if they're still in their early 20s.
 

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chunkylover53 said:
23 yr old girl off Hinge recently:

Prompt: Bonus points if you can guess my heritage

Me: guesses incorrectly

Her: "Wrong! It's *****. I reckon your heritage is ******, am I correct?"

Me: "Yeah you actually are, well done!"

Her: "What do I win?"

Me: "Unsure! What would you like?"

Her: "I would like you to ruin me"

5 days later I ruined her.... for about 30 seconds.
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I'm assuming she was chunky?
 
ash_1050 said:
The boy has become the man.

Incidentally I sent through the 'Hey I'm not feeling it' message a couple days ago to someone I met on Tinder for exactly this reason. She's 36 and in the 4-5 weeks we've been talking (one date in there as well) I've noticed her entire schedule revolves around gigs, drinking cocktails, sending memes, and photos bitching about work on snapchat. She's also still living in a share house, which at 36 seems a bit excessive. Given I'm after a relationship as you are, I want to be dating someone who's mature, has goals, and wants to grow together in a relationship rather than someone who acts as if they're still in their early 20s.
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I still carry on like I'm 21 but my priorities have definitely changed. The way you felt about this girl was probably how the girl in my life felt about me. It's like my drinking and partying multiplied as I started talking to her. Definitely learnt a couple lessons.
 
LFTWNG11 said:
I have to share my foray into Tinder as a male in his late thirties that that jumped onto Tinder a few months after the end of an 8 year relationship.

I matched with a few, copped a lot of ghosting but managed to take a lawyer in her mid-twenties out on a few dates that ended up with her at my place. It was at this point that I realised she is a bit crazy.
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Once you mentioned Lawyer, I knew exactly where this story was heading.
 
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