Travel What HE learned in China.

[Yellow Feathers]

This is not me. A guy on my other regular forums started a thread about what he learned in China and it's bloody great. Thought i'd share it with you guys- here we go

"
1. Their urine has a unique odour.

Now, I should point out that I have not taken part in golden showers, or used my cricketing skills to catch a stranger’s piss mid-stream. I have, however, on numerous occasions used public toilets, many of which appear not to have been tended to since the Cultural Revolution.

I typically hold my breath when I walk in. But after about 45 seconds, only 60 to 70% of the way through my task, I am forced to inhale a waft of fetid, apocalyptically knee-buckling oxygen.

My subsequent gagging often attracts the attention of fellow urinators, who chortle and mock with comments such as, “Yeow seah mah” (He’d be a crap ****) or “Chiow nan sow” (Did he just swallow his piss?).

I usually respond to their derision by pleading with them to “lay off the ****ing Ginseng. It’s like a morgue in here”. The exotically horrendous stench attached to their penile excretion can only be described as Garlic Braised F*ck.

It is so revolting that, by comparison, when I begin to decorate the urinal it smells as though Miranda Kerr just queefed a bouquet. "

 

[Yellow Feathers]

"
2. Chinese people are tiny.

Now, I should point out that I’m referring to height and build not wang mass.

While I previously admitted visiting many public bathrooms, at no point have I surreptitiously pressed a pre-school Wiggles ruler against the uninspiring shaft of an understandably irate Chinaman.

The petite size of Chinese people is no great revelation but cannot be fully comprehended until you visit Chongqing and see a randy couple humping up a tree. On a leaf.

I was so distracted by this miniscule spectacle I barely noticed it had prompted masturbation by a voyeur worm.

As I waited for the bus today, standing next to me was an old man the size of a large carrot.

All I could think was, “25 metres. 25 ****ing metres”. I figured that was roughly how far I could punt him. "

 

[Yellow Feathers]

"
3. Westerners are a genuine oddity.

Now, I should point out that Chinese people don’t leer at me because I’m committing public acts of disgrace. At no point have I lowered my trousers and used a light globe and limited artistic skills to fashion my genitals into a fleshy lantern.

Chinadudes and Chinachicks are fascinated by Caucasians and being a lofty fella (197cm) only exaggerates the situation.

Yesterday a group of tittering students bailed me up as I deftly sidestepped a pavement sh*t of unknown origin.

When I queried them on the history of the mystery excrement their fascination surged. “Poo?,” one girl asked quizzically. I was matter-of-fact. “Yep and it’s too big for a dog so I reckon it was one of them,” I blurted, motioning towards a dishevelled crew of alley-lurking vagrants.

Unperturbed by, or blissfully unaware of, my lack of tact they politely requested I join them in a group photo. At least, I thought they said “photo” - the singular term.

As it turned out, they seemed intent on securing fodder for a 48-page picture album titled, “Ushi Yon Duong” (Us with a Weird Thing).

If you have pasty skin and intend visiting China, prepare to develop an allergy to digital cameras. "

 

[fairdinkum]

I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school.

 

[BomberFletch31]

"
2. Chinese people are tiny.

Now, I should point out that I’m referring to height and build not wang mass.

I'm merely 172cm. When I'm in Hong Kong, I'm taller than most other people around me, and there are public bathrooms (especially in old buildings) that I have to stoop to get in.