Computers & Internet Tinder

[mr bagcroft]

Hey i have a mortgage. And i worked at a school.

So two topics i like without having no kids.

Your the exception then.
My friends with kids are for the most part, have become one dimensional and boring.
Anyway, 47 myself, and that ship has sailed, and I waved that bastard off to sea heartily.

 

[Deliverance]

Lets make sure we all have kids so all we talk to friends about are ******* mortgages and schools.
Yeah, nah.

Mate, once the kids, schools and mortgages are covered, next topic of conversation is:
"So, when are you two going to get a puppy?"

 

[Shell]

Mate, once the kids, schools and mortgages are covered, next topic of conversation is:
"So, when are you two going to get a puppy?"

When are you going to get a puppy?

 

[phantom13]

Your the exception then.
My friends with kids are for the most part, have become one dimensional and boring.
Anyway, 47 myself, and that ship has sailed, and I waved that bastard off to sea heartily.

Yeh... Ill be joining the parent club in July, i truly hope i dont lose any sense of a personality or self. Ive seen it happen ALOT.

 

[Deliverance]

Yeh... Ill be joining the parent club in July, i truly hope i dont lose any sense of a personality or self. Ive seen it happen ALOT.

Look, you've got to dedicate time and effort to your kids, otherwise you shouldn't be having them. But not at all costs. I've always done loads for my kids, holidays, sports, academic support etc etc, and most importantly, just spend time with them, but still managed to socialise, play sports, keep hobbies etc.

 

[burge13]

We had an engagement party recently (why you'd do a kid-friendly one is beyond me. Make people get sitters IMO). People who showed up with the little cretins couldn't be interesting, or even an adult if they wanted to. They had to babysit and follow them around then leave when the kids were playing up too much. Couldn't stop for more than 2 mins to chat with anybody

It's on them for bringing them I guess. But to say you'll lose some personality is an understatement. So much of your time will be lost you'll have almost no other experiences for ages to fall back on outside the kids

 

[Shell]

We had an engagement party recently (why you'd do a kid-friendly one is beyond me. Make people get sitters IMO). People who showed up with the little cretins couldn't be interesting, or even an adult if they wanted to. They had to babysit and follow them around then leave when the kids were playing up too much. Couldn't stop for more than 2 mins to chat with anybody

It's on them for bringing them I guess. But to say you'll lose some personality is an understatement. So much of your time will be lost you'll have almost no other experiences for ages to fall back on outside the kids

Yeah birthday party (at night), wedding, engagement- no kids allowed under 13-15yo from my POV.

*in before well you dont have to worry about weddings or engagements.

 

[phantom13]

Look, you've got to dedicate time and effort to your kids, otherwise you shouldn't be having them. But not at all costs. I've always done loads for my kids, holidays, sports, academic support etc etc, and most importantly, just spend time with them, but still managed to socialise, play sports, keep hobbies etc.

I think if you think you can have kids and have it NOT affect your lifestyle you are an idiot, equally if you stop doing anything at all for yourself/partner/friends youre probably going to be miserable.

Im hoping i can strike a balance (even something as simple going to the gym, maybe its not 6 days a week but it shouldnt be 0) and im well aware that the first 6-12 months its pretty pointless trying to make plans.

 

[Millky95]

I think if you think you can have kids and have it NOT affect your lifestyle you are an idiot, equally if you stop doing anything at all for yourself/partner/friends youre probably going to be miserable.

Im hoping i can strike a balance (even something as simple going to the gym, maybe its not 6 days a week but it shouldnt be 0) and im well aware that the first 6-12 months its pretty pointless trying to make plans.

One of the (many) reasons I don't want kids is because I have always had the belief that for 18 years (maybe less or more depending on the child) your life stops and you become responsible for another individual. And I am way too selfish for that kind of commitment

 

[phantom13]

One of the (many) reasons I don't want kids is because I have always had the belief that for 18 years (maybe less or more depending on the child) your life stops and you become responsible for another individual. And I am way too selfish for that kind of commitment

I think thats probably a little OTT and Kids also enrich your life in alot of other ways

HAVING SAID THAT

I completely agree, also think people that have kids when they are not financially, emotionally, mentally ready too are idiots.

My wife and i have held off for quite a while to make sure were comfortable on all fronts and prepared properly. Its a massive decision and change in your life and if youre not ready for it you are starting behind the 8 ball AND subsequently having your child starting behind the 8 ball.

 

[mr bagcroft]

Therer are my reasons too, plus MONEY.
I have always wanted to punch people that say oh well you find it...you manage...yeah **** off you do .

 

[burge13]

Far too many people have kids before being financially ready.
"We love each other" is not a reason to have a child. You 100% should have to prove you can provide for a kid before having one IMO. Licences for it sound ridiculous on face value but it'd save a lot of problems

 

[Millky95]

I think thats probably a little OTT and Kids also enrich your life in alot of other ways

HAVING SAID THAT

I completely agree, also think people that have kids when they are not financially, emotionally, mentally ready too are idiots.

My wife and i have held off for quite a while to make sure were comfortable on all fronts and prepared properly. Its a massive decision and change in your life and if youre not ready for it you are starting behind the 8 ball AND subsequently having your child starting behind the 8 ball.

That's why I said it depends on the child. You could have a kid that matures easily and you'd trust on their own for a night for you to go out at 15, might not until they are 18

But I'd be dammed if my kid has a piano concert and someone wasn't there to support them. But I don't want to go. I don't want to listen to under 12s playing Hot Cross Buns on repeat for 45 minutes. But that's the sacrifice you make for them. I'm not emotionally or mentally ready for that

 

[phantom13]

Far too many people have kids before being financially ready.
"We love each other" is not a reason to have a child. You 100% should have to prove you can provide for a kid before having one IMO. Licences for it sound ridiculous on face value but it'd save a lot of problems

Its a complete aside but we found out that the test you can get at around 10 weeks to screen for serious chromosomal issues (Downs Syndrome etc) costs $450.

There would be alot of families that couldnt afford that, but whats the impact of having a child with a severe disability from a cost point of view.

All discussions that you need to be able to have with your partner and yourself.

I grew up in a low income abusive household, i was an unplanned pregnancy, its not healthy and its not giving that child the best chance, its selfish really.

 

[perthblue]

"would you like to have kids?" is a perfectly normal and acceptable question to ask in polite conversation.

People are obviously free to make their own choices re: kids but I have observed that most people who reach a certain age without kids are more bitter and angry than those who've had kids. Of course people that do have kids have their own set of challenges too.

 

[FRUMPY]

all great points and would be an interesting conversation when someone answers the question 'you going to have kids one day' without flipping their lid

 

[phantom13]

"would you like to have kids?" is a perfectly normal and acceptable question to ask in polite conversation.

People are obviously free to make their own choices re: kids but I have observed that most people who reach a certain age without kids are more bitter and angry than those who've had kids. Of course people that do have kids have their own set of challenges too.

If you dont know the person (eg just met them at a barby or something) its actually not at all an acceptable question.

 

[perthblue]

If you dont know the person (eg just met them at a barby or something) its actually not at all an acceptable question.

Depends on your demographic. If you're a couple in your 30s then I don't think it's strange or rude to be asked if you have/want kids.

I think it's a bit like getting asked "what do you do?" when youre in a period of unemployment/being a bum, you resent the question because it brings up feelings of shame, even though the question itself is fine.

 

[faible]

I have observed that most people who reach a certain age without kids are more bitter and angry than those who've had kids.

Probably because they keep having to answer the same questions about whether they want to have kids for 20 years

 

[phantom13]

Depends on your demographic. If you're a couple in your 30s then I don't think it's strange or rude to be asked if you have/want kids.

I think it's a bit like getting asked "what do you do?" when youre in a period of unemployment/being a bum, you resent the question because it brings up feelings of shame, even though the question itself is fine.

If you’ve just met them why would you even care?

Perhaps in time asking what someone does will be seen as rude or awkward, it’s not there now, to me, asking about children to strangers, is.

 

[FRUMPY]

If you’ve just met them why would you even care?

Perhaps in time asking what someone does will be seen as rude or awkward, it’s not there now, to me, asking about children to strangers, is.

I doubt anyone just goes 'Hi im Frumpy - are you having kids?' straight off the bat. But in conversation with someone you just met the topic may come up and there is nothing wrong asking it.

Me: my kid comes up to me and asks for something and then walks away
Stranger: 'Nice kid, yours?'
Me: 'Thanks, yeah. You got any of your own?'
Stranger: Runs away crying that im so rude to ask such a question

 

[perthblue]

If you’ve just met them why would you even care?

Because you're showing an interest, getting to know them, making conversation etc.

 

[phantom13]

I doubt anyone just goes 'Hi im Frumpy - are you having kids?' straight off the bat. But in conversation with someone you just met the topic may come up and there is nothing wrong asking it.

Me: my kid comes up to me and asks for something and then walks away
Stranger: 'Nice kid, yours?'
Me: 'Thanks, yeah. You got any of your own?'
Stranger: Runs away crying that im so rude to ask such a question

You’d be suprised at the amount of people who do ask that question without any context or second thought, I’m tipping you’d also be suprised the amount of couples who have had miscarriages or issues with conception.


The above is a perfectly logical segue, fill your boots as it were.

 

[phantom13]

Because you're showing an interest, getting to know them, making conversation etc.

Why not ask them who they vote for? Or what their favourite sexual position is?

Both questions could easily be as intrusive.

I’m not saying you can’t ask the question, just be conscious and considerate, don’t ask it of someone you just met and don’t ask it in a judgemental prickish way.

Treat it with the sensitivity it deserves, or, more easily if that’s too complex, ask them what they think of the food or the weather.

 

[burge13]

Why not ask them who they vote for? Or what their favourite sexual position is?

Both questions could easily be as intrusive.

I’m not saying you can’t ask the question, just be conscious and considerate, don’t ask it of someone you just met and don’t ask it in a judgemental prickish way.

Treat it with the sensitivity it deserves, or, more easily if that’s too complex, ask them what they think of the food or the weather.

Ok - What's your favourite sexual position?