SWANS vs WEST COAST .... a very early preview, brought to you by DQ
The Key Details:
Sydney Swans (2-1) vs West Coast Eagles (0-1 at the time of writing)
Venue: Optus Stadium, Perth
Date: Saturday April 4
Time: 7.45pm AEST (remember folks, daylight savings is over)
Weather: It’ll be hot and dry as usual in Perth. Donza will provide further updates in due course.
Preamble
The AFL likes close games.
The AFL likes exciting games that attract big TV audiences.
The AFL likes what Fortescue CEO Elizabeth Gaines and her deep-pocketed WA-based mining connections like.
So …. the AFL definitely does not like the West Coast Eagles being a basket case.
And what a basket case they are.
Now, when things aren’t going your way, it just tends to go from bad-to-worse. And so it did when I went to the corresponding game at Optus in round 24 last year. Before the opening bounce even happened, the club’s mascot (Auzzie the Eagle) decided to go rogue. Auzzie, who normally does a lap of Optus before returning to his handler, instead made a bee-line for the member’s stand, crapped on a hapless supporter (who may or may not have been a high-ranking Fortescue executive), before flying smack-bang into the 2-inch thick laminated glass window of a corporate box. The clearly dazed and pis*ed off Auzzie then took up a perch high in the members and refused to budge, which resulted in an appreciable delay to the opening bounce.
Even the normally cool, calm and collected Don Pyke was seen getting extremely agitated out on the Optus concrete / turf. In fact, Don was flapping his arms so furiously, I thought he might be about to launch himself up into the members to retrieve the recalcitrant team mascot.
As I sat in the Swans’ supporter’s area (the bulk of which was in hysterics), I almost felt sorry for the Eagles. Almost. But any twinge of sympathy quickly dissipated, as I remembered their feral supporters booing Adam Goodes out of the game, whilst in the bay immediately to my left, a group of Jack-and-Coke swilling cashed-up bogans hurled abuse at our players going through their warm-ups.
The Swans’ players clearly didn’t feel any sympathy either. After a slow first quarter (I suspect they were still keeping a nervous eye out for Auzzie), the team clicked and demolished the Eagles by 70-odd. Errol, Blakey and Mills had a field day. Even Jack Buller took advantage with a lazy 3 goals - clearly impressing someone down Collingwood way. For the Eagles, it was hard to find much positivity – although I do have to say, Reuben Ginbey is a strong bugger & did stand-out for the home side before injury ended his night early (ironically, given West Coast’s pile-up of disasters, the Ginbey injury was inflicted by a team-mate).
It was later reported that Auzzie failed a concussion test & went into protocols.
Wind the clock forward to the 2025 trade period and the AFL’s fretting over the West Coast’s plight had absolutely nothing to do with their decision to stump up Pick 2 as “fair compensation” for Oscar Allen, the club captain who decided he’d prefer to ply his trade on suburban footy grounds* in the Lions’ VFL side, rather than spend another season with the wretched Eagles.
Because, dear friends, the AFL’s draft compo system is entirely impartial, balanced and beyond reproach. Any suggestion to the contrary is laughable and should not be entertained.
I’ll prove it to you.
Since being drafted in 2017, Oscar has kicked >30 goals in a season (checks notes) …. once.
And over the past few seasons, Oscar has kicked (checks notes again) …. a grand total of 34 goals.
Clearly an A-grader worthy of Pick 2 under the AFL’s completely unbiased free agency compo system.
It did, however, get me thinking …. the much-maligned Hayden “Dossa” McLean has kicked 73 goals in that time.
Now, because the AFL’s system is applied consistently and is completely beyond reproach, perhaps the Swans might consider bestowing the club captaincy on Dossa (amid much fanfare), then promptly stick a “for sale” sign on him at season’s end. If the Oscar Allen precedent holds, the AFL would (under its fair and unbiased system) be obliged to compensate the Swans with Pick 1, 2, 3 (and probably 4) for the departure of our loyal club captain, goal kicking key forward & on-field leader, who, it must be noted, also brings Hollywood star-power and associated revenues through the door.
I’m sure Chris Keane and Kinnear will give it due consideration. We could really do with the next Richard Tambling, Jon O'Rourke and Paddy Dow.
But I digress.
I’ve had a fair old snark at West Coast so far in this preview. But, despite all the gloom and self-inflicted pain, at least things have bottomed-out for the Eagles. It cannot possibly get any worse.
Or can it?
The Teams
Trying to predict teams before the dreaded Tuesday injury report (and Bonz offering a somewhat soothing dose of pragmatic insight in response to the resultant hysteria) is fraught with danger.
There’ll always be the unexpected Swans player listed with a bizarre injury that befuddles medical science, generally incurred whilst engaged in some non-AFL related activity that is 100% safe for the general public, but extremely hazardous to Sydney Swans footballers.
I’m sure that won’t happen this week, but there’s always that tiny nagging doubt.
Anyway, given the way Hawthorn belted us in the air, there’s surely a chance that the towering 204cm first-round pick Will Green finally makes his long awaited debut.
Just excuse me for a minute folks, phone call ……
OK. Well. It seems Will Green has broken his foot whilst watching the game on Thursday night.
Anyway, as I was saying, given the way Hawthorn belted us in the air, there’s surely a chance that 73 goal hero, on-field leader & future captain Dossa McLean comes into the side after his 7 disposals in the VFL loss to Box Hill.
Just excuse me for a minute, another phone call ……
OK, you can all breathe a sigh of relief. Dossa is OK. It was just Mrs DQ asking me to buy tomatoes on the way home. Presumably to throw at the TV whilst we're watching the Bravedogs this evening.
Aside from Dossa, Isaac Heeney may or may not be brought back. I suspect he’ll be on the plane to Perth, but can you just imagine the fall-out if he twangs the hammy on Optus? Big Cox might be ultra-cautious. Its actually not a call I’d want to have to make.
Other potential “ins” would seem to be Harry Cunningham (most likely), Taylor Adams (reasonable chance, noting he was probably our best in the Box Hills game today) and Jesse Dattoli (more of a long-shot, but did go OK in the twos).
Who’ll be nervous come the team meeting Tuesday week? Well, Caiden is probably already booking hotel accommodation in Albert Park for the “big game” against Port Melbourne. Corey usually yo-yos in & out of the team, so as usual, he’s on a knife edge. And if Jesse Dattoli is good to go, Mal Rosas might be the surprise out.
We here in Bigfooty land will doubtless spend the next 15 days finding reasons to drop Lloyd and Sir Dane. It won't happen. Sorry LukeParkerno1.
Much will depend, obviously, on what decision is made with the Swans No.5, and how many pub wrestles / gutters / chain link fences / stairs our side encounters over the next couple of weeks.
As for West Coast, I’ve written this preview ahead of their game against North on Sunday afternoon. So its complete throwing-darts-wearing-a-blindfold stuff.
What I will say is that they do have a couple of good players worth keeping an eye on. As I’ve noted, Reuben Ginbey has real mongrel & isn’t the type anyone would fancy matching up on (I wouldn't mind us offering up our newly acquired Dossa McLean compo picks to get him in the red & white). Elliot Yeo is in decent form (easy to forget how good he is when he actually gets on the park). Future Cat Harley Reid goes OK, as does Jake Waterman. Jamie Cripps must be in his late 40’s by now, but I note he is still listed on the team sheet, so he must still be able to play a bit. Ditto Liam Duggan. Geelong will doubtless be keeping a very close eye on no.1 draft pick Willem Durrsma. Expect to see him being handed a few free t-shirts post-game, just as a taster.
I don’t know many of the others, so I won’t even bother to speculate.
The BIG Question
What is our Plan B?
At present, the answer seems to be “we don’t have one”.
Because bombing aimlessly down the line and waiting for it to come straight back isn’t really a plan. I’d venture to say that Donald Trump has more well-thought out bombing plans than the current Sydney Swans side (note to Ticky009 & the other mods: please don't move this preview to the society & politics thread as a result of this statement!).
We may or may not need a Plan B against the Eagles. But if that devilishly clever (and handsome, according to Mrs DQ .... thoughts Jewelsbon ?) Andrew McQualter decides to stick 18 players in the center square, we might actually need to think of some other way to get the Sherrin up the other end.
If it becomes a bomb-down-the-line type of game, we have serious issues and David King (founder & president of the “Sydney suck without Errol, but wow isn’t the Wizard great!” Club) will be looking even more smug than normal. If that’s possible.
The Verdict
Swans vs Eagles games used to be titanic, tense, exciting grudge matches. Right up there with Frazier vs Ali, Federer vs Nadal, Fischer vs Spassky, bedford vs most of the board.
2005 & 2006, for those who remember it, saw some of the greatest rivalry games in the history of the AFL. It was absolutely fantastic.
Alas, not anymore. The most exciting thing that happens at Optus these days tends to be Auzzie going postal & caesar88 going Elaine (sorry C88, but its still a highlight, even after all these years).
I wrote this preview very early, just so we’d all have something to crap on about for the next 15 days. A fair bit can change in 15 days, especially if Cox decides to put the whole team on Stairmasters for a good aerobic workout. But its pretty hard to see this one being anything other than a victory for the Swans.
Just wish we didn’t have to wait so bloody long. Thanks AFL. You suck.
* Interestingly, the Brisbane VFL team’s home ground is called Springfield stadium. It’s a good venue, hosts baseball in the off-season. To save bedford the hassle of checking it out, here’s a photo:
The Key Details:
Sydney Swans (2-1) vs West Coast Eagles (0-1 at the time of writing)
Venue: Optus Stadium, Perth
Date: Saturday April 4
Time: 7.45pm AEST (remember folks, daylight savings is over)
Weather: It’ll be hot and dry as usual in Perth. Donza will provide further updates in due course.
Preamble
The AFL likes close games.
The AFL likes exciting games that attract big TV audiences.
The AFL likes what Fortescue CEO Elizabeth Gaines and her deep-pocketed WA-based mining connections like.
So …. the AFL definitely does not like the West Coast Eagles being a basket case.
And what a basket case they are.
- 11 wins, 81 losses since 2022, with a % over that time of 58.
- The worst overall record since poor old Fitzroy (RIP) in 1964.
- Articles in the Australian Financial Review using the club as a cautionary case-study in corporate “arrogance, complacency and mismanagement”.
- A stupid inflatable jumping castle instead of the traditional banner.
- A lame and ill-fated attempt to be “cool” by getting Birds of Tokyo to re-do the club’s traditional theme song.
- The club captain (Oscar Allen) leaving, without even giving the usual flimsy “homesickness” excuse. He simply wanted to play somewhere …. better. Liam Ryan ditto. Hell, even Willie Rioli (who was “pissing it in” waaaaay before The King! ) wanted out for no plausible reason. And Chad moving to West Coast? Yeah right.
Now, when things aren’t going your way, it just tends to go from bad-to-worse. And so it did when I went to the corresponding game at Optus in round 24 last year. Before the opening bounce even happened, the club’s mascot (Auzzie the Eagle) decided to go rogue. Auzzie, who normally does a lap of Optus before returning to his handler, instead made a bee-line for the member’s stand, crapped on a hapless supporter (who may or may not have been a high-ranking Fortescue executive), before flying smack-bang into the 2-inch thick laminated glass window of a corporate box. The clearly dazed and pis*ed off Auzzie then took up a perch high in the members and refused to budge, which resulted in an appreciable delay to the opening bounce.
Even the normally cool, calm and collected Don Pyke was seen getting extremely agitated out on the Optus concrete / turf. In fact, Don was flapping his arms so furiously, I thought he might be about to launch himself up into the members to retrieve the recalcitrant team mascot.
As I sat in the Swans’ supporter’s area (the bulk of which was in hysterics), I almost felt sorry for the Eagles. Almost. But any twinge of sympathy quickly dissipated, as I remembered their feral supporters booing Adam Goodes out of the game, whilst in the bay immediately to my left, a group of Jack-and-Coke swilling cashed-up bogans hurled abuse at our players going through their warm-ups.
The Swans’ players clearly didn’t feel any sympathy either. After a slow first quarter (I suspect they were still keeping a nervous eye out for Auzzie), the team clicked and demolished the Eagles by 70-odd. Errol, Blakey and Mills had a field day. Even Jack Buller took advantage with a lazy 3 goals - clearly impressing someone down Collingwood way. For the Eagles, it was hard to find much positivity – although I do have to say, Reuben Ginbey is a strong bugger & did stand-out for the home side before injury ended his night early (ironically, given West Coast’s pile-up of disasters, the Ginbey injury was inflicted by a team-mate).
It was later reported that Auzzie failed a concussion test & went into protocols.
Wind the clock forward to the 2025 trade period and the AFL’s fretting over the West Coast’s plight had absolutely nothing to do with their decision to stump up Pick 2 as “fair compensation” for Oscar Allen, the club captain who decided he’d prefer to ply his trade on suburban footy grounds* in the Lions’ VFL side, rather than spend another season with the wretched Eagles.
Because, dear friends, the AFL’s draft compo system is entirely impartial, balanced and beyond reproach. Any suggestion to the contrary is laughable and should not be entertained.
I’ll prove it to you.
Since being drafted in 2017, Oscar has kicked >30 goals in a season (checks notes) …. once.
And over the past few seasons, Oscar has kicked (checks notes again) …. a grand total of 34 goals.
Clearly an A-grader worthy of Pick 2 under the AFL’s completely unbiased free agency compo system.
It did, however, get me thinking …. the much-maligned Hayden “Dossa” McLean has kicked 73 goals in that time.
Now, because the AFL’s system is applied consistently and is completely beyond reproach, perhaps the Swans might consider bestowing the club captaincy on Dossa (amid much fanfare), then promptly stick a “for sale” sign on him at season’s end. If the Oscar Allen precedent holds, the AFL would (under its fair and unbiased system) be obliged to compensate the Swans with Pick 1, 2, 3 (and probably 4) for the departure of our loyal club captain, goal kicking key forward & on-field leader, who, it must be noted, also brings Hollywood star-power and associated revenues through the door.
I’m sure Chris Keane and Kinnear will give it due consideration. We could really do with the next Richard Tambling, Jon O'Rourke and Paddy Dow.
But I digress.
I’ve had a fair old snark at West Coast so far in this preview. But, despite all the gloom and self-inflicted pain, at least things have bottomed-out for the Eagles. It cannot possibly get any worse.
Or can it?
The Teams
Trying to predict teams before the dreaded Tuesday injury report (and Bonz offering a somewhat soothing dose of pragmatic insight in response to the resultant hysteria) is fraught with danger.
There’ll always be the unexpected Swans player listed with a bizarre injury that befuddles medical science, generally incurred whilst engaged in some non-AFL related activity that is 100% safe for the general public, but extremely hazardous to Sydney Swans footballers.
I’m sure that won’t happen this week, but there’s always that tiny nagging doubt.
Anyway, given the way Hawthorn belted us in the air, there’s surely a chance that the towering 204cm first-round pick Will Green finally makes his long awaited debut.
Just excuse me for a minute folks, phone call ……
OK. Well. It seems Will Green has broken his foot whilst watching the game on Thursday night.
Anyway, as I was saying, given the way Hawthorn belted us in the air, there’s surely a chance that 73 goal hero, on-field leader & future captain Dossa McLean comes into the side after his 7 disposals in the VFL loss to Box Hill.
Just excuse me for a minute, another phone call ……
OK, you can all breathe a sigh of relief. Dossa is OK. It was just Mrs DQ asking me to buy tomatoes on the way home. Presumably to throw at the TV whilst we're watching the Bravedogs this evening.
Aside from Dossa, Isaac Heeney may or may not be brought back. I suspect he’ll be on the plane to Perth, but can you just imagine the fall-out if he twangs the hammy on Optus? Big Cox might be ultra-cautious. Its actually not a call I’d want to have to make.
Other potential “ins” would seem to be Harry Cunningham (most likely), Taylor Adams (reasonable chance, noting he was probably our best in the Box Hills game today) and Jesse Dattoli (more of a long-shot, but did go OK in the twos).
Who’ll be nervous come the team meeting Tuesday week? Well, Caiden is probably already booking hotel accommodation in Albert Park for the “big game” against Port Melbourne. Corey usually yo-yos in & out of the team, so as usual, he’s on a knife edge. And if Jesse Dattoli is good to go, Mal Rosas might be the surprise out.
We here in Bigfooty land will doubtless spend the next 15 days finding reasons to drop Lloyd and Sir Dane. It won't happen. Sorry LukeParkerno1.
Much will depend, obviously, on what decision is made with the Swans No.5, and how many pub wrestles / gutters / chain link fences / stairs our side encounters over the next couple of weeks.
As for West Coast, I’ve written this preview ahead of their game against North on Sunday afternoon. So its complete throwing-darts-wearing-a-blindfold stuff.
What I will say is that they do have a couple of good players worth keeping an eye on. As I’ve noted, Reuben Ginbey has real mongrel & isn’t the type anyone would fancy matching up on (I wouldn't mind us offering up our newly acquired Dossa McLean compo picks to get him in the red & white). Elliot Yeo is in decent form (easy to forget how good he is when he actually gets on the park). Future Cat Harley Reid goes OK, as does Jake Waterman. Jamie Cripps must be in his late 40’s by now, but I note he is still listed on the team sheet, so he must still be able to play a bit. Ditto Liam Duggan. Geelong will doubtless be keeping a very close eye on no.1 draft pick Willem Durrsma. Expect to see him being handed a few free t-shirts post-game, just as a taster.
I don’t know many of the others, so I won’t even bother to speculate.
The BIG Question
What is our Plan B?
At present, the answer seems to be “we don’t have one”.
Because bombing aimlessly down the line and waiting for it to come straight back isn’t really a plan. I’d venture to say that Donald Trump has more well-thought out bombing plans than the current Sydney Swans side (note to Ticky009 & the other mods: please don't move this preview to the society & politics thread as a result of this statement!).
We may or may not need a Plan B against the Eagles. But if that devilishly clever (and handsome, according to Mrs DQ .... thoughts Jewelsbon ?) Andrew McQualter decides to stick 18 players in the center square, we might actually need to think of some other way to get the Sherrin up the other end.
If it becomes a bomb-down-the-line type of game, we have serious issues and David King (founder & president of the “Sydney suck without Errol, but wow isn’t the Wizard great!” Club) will be looking even more smug than normal. If that’s possible.
The Verdict
Swans vs Eagles games used to be titanic, tense, exciting grudge matches. Right up there with Frazier vs Ali, Federer vs Nadal, Fischer vs Spassky, bedford vs most of the board.
2005 & 2006, for those who remember it, saw some of the greatest rivalry games in the history of the AFL. It was absolutely fantastic.
Alas, not anymore. The most exciting thing that happens at Optus these days tends to be Auzzie going postal & caesar88 going Elaine (sorry C88, but its still a highlight, even after all these years).
I wrote this preview very early, just so we’d all have something to crap on about for the next 15 days. A fair bit can change in 15 days, especially if Cox decides to put the whole team on Stairmasters for a good aerobic workout. But its pretty hard to see this one being anything other than a victory for the Swans.
Just wish we didn’t have to wait so bloody long. Thanks AFL. You suck.
* Interestingly, the Brisbane VFL team’s home ground is called Springfield stadium. It’s a good venue, hosts baseball in the off-season. To save bedford the hassle of checking it out, here’s a photo:
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Shits me to tears when people just say the first thing that comes into their head when claiming to actually watch this ****ing game. Go watch ****ing Bocce.
