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Iraq Jokes
If anyone is fodder for ridicule, it’s Saddam Hussein, with his gargantuan ego and inflated notion of self-worth. You add to the mix an utterly ineffective military and a collapsed regime, and comedians worldwide are starting to use Saddam’s name as a punchline. And perhaps this is the most fitting fate for the despot who once fancied himself the messiah of the Arabia and the next global power. Here is a collection of some of the better Iraqi/Saddam jokes floating around the Internet…
The Information Minister and Saddam meet in a secluded bunker, all alone, in a secret hiding place. The Information Minister flashes Saddam the “victory” sign. All excited, Saddam asks, “Victory! Does this mean we won?” The Information Minister shakes his head. “No. It means we’re the only two people left.”
What is the Iraqi air force motto?
I came, I saw, Iran.
Have you heard about the new Iraqi Air Force training program?
Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.
What’s the five-day forecast for Baghdad?
Two days.
What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
They both have Kurds in their way.
What is the best Iraqi job?
Foreign Ambassador.
Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
You only have to teach them to take off.
How do you play Iraqi bingo?
B-5… F-16… B-52
What is Iraq’s national bird?
Duck.
What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
They both want to know where the **** those Tomahawks are coming
from!
Why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottom boats?
So they can see their Air Force.
What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
Nothing, yet.
What do Saddam Hussein and Fred Flintstone have in common?
They both look out their window and see Rubble.
“Saddam Hussein has told his people that U.S. troops will commit suicide when they get to the gates of Baghdad. That’s when you know you have a bad army, when your only hope for victory is that the enemy’s troops kill themselves.” —Jay Leno
“A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I’m thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence, they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.” —David Letterman
“The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he’d like to help, but he’s pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.” —Conan O'Brien
Why doesn’t Saddam go out drinking?
Why should he when he can get bombed at home?
The problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics:
1. Engage the enemy.
2. Draw him into your territory.
3. Wait until winter sets in.
What’s the Iraqi military combat protocol?
If it doesn't move, hide behind it.
If it does move, surrender to it.
What’s the difference between Saddam Hussein and a sperm?
One come from Baghdad, the other comes from Dad’s bag.
Saddam’s doctor called a meeting of all Saddam’s body-doubles:
“Men, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, praised be to Allah, Saddam is still alive. The bad news is, he lost an arm…”
The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN was walking down the hallway and bumped into President Bush. Hoping to break the ice with an innocuous comment, the ambassador quickly said, “Respectfully, sir. I have a question about what I’ve seen in America.” Politely, President Bush answered, “If I can help explain things to you, please let me know.” The Iraqi whispered. “My little girl watches this show called ‘Star Trek’ and in this show, there’s Chekov who is a Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Sulu who is Chinese… but there aren’t any Iraqis. Why aren’t there any Iraqis on Star Trek?” President Bush whispered back to the ambassador, “It’s because Star Trek takes place in the future.”
What’s the difference between the American Air Force and the Iraqi Air Force?
The American Air Force break ground and fly into wind…
How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four.
One to screw in the light bulb.
One to claim that they’ve actually screwed 3,000 light bulbs.
One to claim that they’ve unscrewed 1,500 American light bulbs.
And one to claim that they’re screwing and unscrewing the light bulbs for the Palestinian people.
Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said, “George, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was beautiful—and on top of every building, there was a beautiful banner.” President Bush asked, “What was on the banner?” Saddam responded, “It said Allah is God, God is Allah, and death to the infidels!” Bush said, “You know, Saddam, I’m really glad you called because last night I had a dream, too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war. It had been completely rebuilt, and on every building there was also a beautiful banner.” Saddam asked, “Well? What was on the banner?” Bush replied, “I really don’t know. I don’t read Hebrew.”
If anyone is fodder for ridicule, it’s Saddam Hussein, with his gargantuan ego and inflated notion of self-worth. You add to the mix an utterly ineffective military and a collapsed regime, and comedians worldwide are starting to use Saddam’s name as a punchline. And perhaps this is the most fitting fate for the despot who once fancied himself the messiah of the Arabia and the next global power. Here is a collection of some of the better Iraqi/Saddam jokes floating around the Internet…
The Information Minister and Saddam meet in a secluded bunker, all alone, in a secret hiding place. The Information Minister flashes Saddam the “victory” sign. All excited, Saddam asks, “Victory! Does this mean we won?” The Information Minister shakes his head. “No. It means we’re the only two people left.”
What is the Iraqi air force motto?
I came, I saw, Iran.
Have you heard about the new Iraqi Air Force training program?
Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.
What’s the five-day forecast for Baghdad?
Two days.
What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
They both have Kurds in their way.
What is the best Iraqi job?
Foreign Ambassador.
Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
You only have to teach them to take off.
How do you play Iraqi bingo?
B-5… F-16… B-52
What is Iraq’s national bird?
Duck.
What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
They both want to know where the **** those Tomahawks are coming
from!
Why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottom boats?
So they can see their Air Force.
What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
Nothing, yet.
What do Saddam Hussein and Fred Flintstone have in common?
They both look out their window and see Rubble.
“Saddam Hussein has told his people that U.S. troops will commit suicide when they get to the gates of Baghdad. That’s when you know you have a bad army, when your only hope for victory is that the enemy’s troops kill themselves.” —Jay Leno
“A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I’m thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence, they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.” —David Letterman
“The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he’d like to help, but he’s pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.” —Conan O'Brien
Why doesn’t Saddam go out drinking?
Why should he when he can get bombed at home?
The problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics:
1. Engage the enemy.
2. Draw him into your territory.
3. Wait until winter sets in.
What’s the Iraqi military combat protocol?
If it doesn't move, hide behind it.
If it does move, surrender to it.
What’s the difference between Saddam Hussein and a sperm?
One come from Baghdad, the other comes from Dad’s bag.
Saddam’s doctor called a meeting of all Saddam’s body-doubles:
“Men, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, praised be to Allah, Saddam is still alive. The bad news is, he lost an arm…”
The Iraqi Ambassador to the UN was walking down the hallway and bumped into President Bush. Hoping to break the ice with an innocuous comment, the ambassador quickly said, “Respectfully, sir. I have a question about what I’ve seen in America.” Politely, President Bush answered, “If I can help explain things to you, please let me know.” The Iraqi whispered. “My little girl watches this show called ‘Star Trek’ and in this show, there’s Chekov who is a Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Sulu who is Chinese… but there aren’t any Iraqis. Why aren’t there any Iraqis on Star Trek?” President Bush whispered back to the ambassador, “It’s because Star Trek takes place in the future.”
What’s the difference between the American Air Force and the Iraqi Air Force?
The American Air Force break ground and fly into wind…
How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four.
One to screw in the light bulb.
One to claim that they’ve actually screwed 3,000 light bulbs.
One to claim that they’ve unscrewed 1,500 American light bulbs.
And one to claim that they’re screwing and unscrewing the light bulbs for the Palestinian people.
Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said, “George, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was beautiful—and on top of every building, there was a beautiful banner.” President Bush asked, “What was on the banner?” Saddam responded, “It said Allah is God, God is Allah, and death to the infidels!” Bush said, “You know, Saddam, I’m really glad you called because last night I had a dream, too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war. It had been completely rebuilt, and on every building there was also a beautiful banner.” Saddam asked, “Well? What was on the banner?” Bush replied, “I really don’t know. I don’t read Hebrew.”
