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- Jul 3, 2003
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- #1
OK, so here's the deal.
About 18 months ago, my best mate started seeing this girl. At the time, he was 20, and she was 28. Went along as moral support for their first real date. Anyway, whilst he's off in the bathroom, our conversation topic goes no further than her history with shit ex-boyfriends, and how she'll never let a man treat her like shit again. "OK...", I thought. This one won't last long. Nice, but clearly has issues.
Few months later, me and him are at a concert together, and we're having a chat before the show starts, and he mentions to me, "Shit, I'm pretty sure she might be pregnant. Should be OK though, she seemed happy to go the abortion route". At intermission, he plays me a voice message from her telling him that she is pregnant, and then proceeds with begging him to keep it, as if it were a stray puppy or something. I'm halfway through laughing about how overly keen she is to get knocked up so soon, when he's on the phone to her, practically in tears about how they're going to be parents. I'm slightly placated by the offer that I'll probably be godparent or whatever.
Next few weeks go by and she gets even worse, from incidents such as, whilst moving house, we find an ancient used condom under his bed, so she automatically assumes he's been cheating on her, despite the thing looking about 5 years old, and there being no feasible way he could have cheated on her, and decides to storm out, wanting to never see him again and threatening that he'll never see his child again, to for his 21st, buying him a digital camera "for the both of them", in other words, something he had no want or use for, but chose to buy for herself.
They have a do on for Australia Day at their new house, and I turn up. She spends the whole day inside with her family and doesn't talk to anyone. We exchange brief conversation and that's about it. I go home, generally wondering what he's got himself into, but if he's happy, then so be it. Few days later, I get a call from him saying that "we need to talk". Apparently she threw a massive hissy fit at how rude I was to have gone into their home and not spoken to her and made a point of ignoring her all day. Bit of a WTF moment from me, but I just tell him that I barely spoke to him all day there was just that many people there, let alone her, who spent the day inside and didn't talk to anyone. He seemed to take me at my word, and asked me if there was a problem, to which I straight batted "I barely know her".
Few weeks later is his 21st, and I continually get messages from him that week asking me to "make an effort to be nice to her". No problems, I figure. Turn up early to help set up, as I was DJ'ing for the night, see her there, and wave/smile/attempt to make conversation, only for her to glare and walk straight past me without a single word. As the night goes on, others are noticing the obvious glares I cop from her, and that I'm an obvious omission from the Powerpoint slideshow of photos, which oddly enough was made by her. A few of his footy mates who I barely know, confide in me that they can't stand her either, but refuse to say anything.
More phone calls ensue the days after the party asking why I hadn't made more of an effort. In the end I lose it, and text him with "Look, I'm sorry mate, but she's clearly got issues, I doubt she gives a shit about you anywhere near as much as you do about her, and I get the impression that she's just looking for anyone to give her a kid before she hits 30. And I know that some of your footy mates have problems with her too."
Shit really hits the fan now, as my messagebank is filled with requests to name names. Tough ask, when I don't think I even know their names. In the end I defer, tell him to ask them, and I really just don't care about it anymore, if she's going to be that manipulative.
Awkward truce occurs for a few months. Still yet to see his child, after nearly 6 months. However, grand final week rolls around, and I start to wonder what will happen to our annual tradition of doing Brownlow night and grand final day at our local pub.
Organise Brownlow night, no problems. However, he's having a BBQ at his place, and I'm invited. Sure, I reply, if your Mrs. has no problems with me being there.
Get a text back, saying it's fine on the conditions that I treat her with respect in her own home....and if it's possible, apologise for disrespecting her.
The first one, is as always, not a problem. The second one, hmmm, struggling there. I genuinely am struggling to see where I'm at fault, to a point where I feel I'm clearly in the wrong and that an apology is necessary.
Had a bit of an argument about it with him last night, and generally ended up agreeing to apologize for the sake of our friendship, rather than any real regret on my behalf.
Having said that, I've already made efforts in the past, and ended up looking the bad guy for it. I can see this going a similiar route.
So I'm sitting here with her phone number, wondering whether I go ahead and deal with this shit now, or do I just cut my losses, in the hope that he kinda sees what's going on here?
Thoughts?
Thanks for reading all that by the way!
About 18 months ago, my best mate started seeing this girl. At the time, he was 20, and she was 28. Went along as moral support for their first real date. Anyway, whilst he's off in the bathroom, our conversation topic goes no further than her history with shit ex-boyfriends, and how she'll never let a man treat her like shit again. "OK...", I thought. This one won't last long. Nice, but clearly has issues.
Few months later, me and him are at a concert together, and we're having a chat before the show starts, and he mentions to me, "Shit, I'm pretty sure she might be pregnant. Should be OK though, she seemed happy to go the abortion route". At intermission, he plays me a voice message from her telling him that she is pregnant, and then proceeds with begging him to keep it, as if it were a stray puppy or something. I'm halfway through laughing about how overly keen she is to get knocked up so soon, when he's on the phone to her, practically in tears about how they're going to be parents. I'm slightly placated by the offer that I'll probably be godparent or whatever.
Next few weeks go by and she gets even worse, from incidents such as, whilst moving house, we find an ancient used condom under his bed, so she automatically assumes he's been cheating on her, despite the thing looking about 5 years old, and there being no feasible way he could have cheated on her, and decides to storm out, wanting to never see him again and threatening that he'll never see his child again, to for his 21st, buying him a digital camera "for the both of them", in other words, something he had no want or use for, but chose to buy for herself.
They have a do on for Australia Day at their new house, and I turn up. She spends the whole day inside with her family and doesn't talk to anyone. We exchange brief conversation and that's about it. I go home, generally wondering what he's got himself into, but if he's happy, then so be it. Few days later, I get a call from him saying that "we need to talk". Apparently she threw a massive hissy fit at how rude I was to have gone into their home and not spoken to her and made a point of ignoring her all day. Bit of a WTF moment from me, but I just tell him that I barely spoke to him all day there was just that many people there, let alone her, who spent the day inside and didn't talk to anyone. He seemed to take me at my word, and asked me if there was a problem, to which I straight batted "I barely know her".
Few weeks later is his 21st, and I continually get messages from him that week asking me to "make an effort to be nice to her". No problems, I figure. Turn up early to help set up, as I was DJ'ing for the night, see her there, and wave/smile/attempt to make conversation, only for her to glare and walk straight past me without a single word. As the night goes on, others are noticing the obvious glares I cop from her, and that I'm an obvious omission from the Powerpoint slideshow of photos, which oddly enough was made by her. A few of his footy mates who I barely know, confide in me that they can't stand her either, but refuse to say anything.
More phone calls ensue the days after the party asking why I hadn't made more of an effort. In the end I lose it, and text him with "Look, I'm sorry mate, but she's clearly got issues, I doubt she gives a shit about you anywhere near as much as you do about her, and I get the impression that she's just looking for anyone to give her a kid before she hits 30. And I know that some of your footy mates have problems with her too."
Shit really hits the fan now, as my messagebank is filled with requests to name names. Tough ask, when I don't think I even know their names. In the end I defer, tell him to ask them, and I really just don't care about it anymore, if she's going to be that manipulative.
Awkward truce occurs for a few months. Still yet to see his child, after nearly 6 months. However, grand final week rolls around, and I start to wonder what will happen to our annual tradition of doing Brownlow night and grand final day at our local pub.
Organise Brownlow night, no problems. However, he's having a BBQ at his place, and I'm invited. Sure, I reply, if your Mrs. has no problems with me being there.
Get a text back, saying it's fine on the conditions that I treat her with respect in her own home....and if it's possible, apologise for disrespecting her.
The first one, is as always, not a problem. The second one, hmmm, struggling there. I genuinely am struggling to see where I'm at fault, to a point where I feel I'm clearly in the wrong and that an apology is necessary.
Had a bit of an argument about it with him last night, and generally ended up agreeing to apologize for the sake of our friendship, rather than any real regret on my behalf.
Having said that, I've already made efforts in the past, and ended up looking the bad guy for it. I can see this going a similiar route.
So I'm sitting here with her phone number, wondering whether I go ahead and deal with this shit now, or do I just cut my losses, in the hope that he kinda sees what's going on here?
Thoughts?
Thanks for reading all that by the way!
