Best Sledges

[bac]

What are the best sledges you have heard?

 

[dr nick]

this is by no means the best, just one i remember now.

we were playing campbelltown and it was during an end of over mid pitch conversation when some hick aims a "go back to the ****ing beach you dero" at my batting partner... he returns a "i will cletus, we dont use the sprinklers like you would in ****sville", even his own teammates were laying into him after that

 

[Zeke]

I played a season with a Scottish bloke who used to chirp away from the slips with lines such as:

"Chuck him a piano - see if he can play that!"

Quite amusing coming from a little scottish bloke.

We also take great delight in having a chat to the youngsters who sometimes make appearances in matches... Ask them if mummy has come along to watch today, or congratulate them on their recent good form in Milo cricket.

I've also heard a lot of opening batsmen asked if they would like a helmet.

 

[Disgustipated]

Playing for the Gold Coast Chargers. We were told to f**k off back to QLD you holiday making C**nts!

We still have a chuckle every now and then.

 

[wang]

My favourite International sledge that i can think of was by Ian Healy to Ranantunga. Ranatunga requested a runner to which Heal replied "You dot get a runner for being a fat c*nt".

 

[Jonezy]

I heard this one from a N.Z vs Australia game, Glenn Mcgrath was firing down bouncers at one of the N.Z batters, then went up to him and said why are u such a fat prick? He responded, "it's coz everytime i shag your wife she gives me a biscuit"

 

[diesel]

hands down the best return of sledge goes to west indian batsman (maybe chanderpaul or sarwan?) vs mcgrath early this year.
mcgrath getting a bit frustrated asked the batsman what it was like to suck brian lara`s c**k to which the batsman replied "don`t know, maybe you should ask your wife"
great comeback & a fair reason for mcgrath to go troppo given the circumstances with his mrs

 

[ViperV10]

Originally posted by Jonezy
I heard this one from a N.Z vs Australia game, Glenn Mcgrath was firing down bouncers at one of the N.Z batters, then went up to him and said why are u such a fat prick? He responded, "it's coz everytime i shag your wife she gives me a biscuit"

I think you will find that is a spin on the actual event...Aus v South Africa when McGrath couldn't get a tail ender out (can't remember his name). He was so annoyed and after he played and missed McGrath siad to him, "Why are you so fat?" to which he replied "Because every time I slept with your wife she gave me a chocolate biscuit." The whole aussie team apparently cracked up laughing, as did McGrath.

He probably asked the question a couple of times in his career though knowing Pidge.

 

[Dogga]

My favourite is the Mark Waugh/Blair Pocock (kiwi opener) sledging match back in the 90's.

After Pocock played & missed a few times, Waugh fired from 2nd slip, "Aaaah, I remember this bloke. He couldn't bat four years ago either!" in reference to an earlier Kiwi tour.

Pocock stood and said nothing. He then smashed the next ball for four with a beautiful cover drive. As the fielder picked the ball up from the fence, Pocock turned to Waugh and said, "I remember you too. You're the bloke with the ugly, 50 year old girlfriend....and you're going to marry her!"

 

[Portmagpies]

The biscuit quote belongs to Zimbabwe's Brandis.

 

[Dave]

Some unknown pommie pie chucker to I. V. A. Richards after putting a couple past the edge of the bat:

"It's round and red".

I. V. A. Richards to some unknown pommie pie chucker after depositing aformentioned round red thing out of the ground:

"Since you know what the fu(king thing looks like why don't you go and fu(king get it?".

Or words to that effect.

 

[Fall Out Boy]

Originally posted by Dogga
My favourite is the Mark Waugh/Blair Pocock (kiwi opener) sledging match back in the 90's.

After Pocock played & missed a few times, Waugh fired from 2nd slip, "Aaaah, I remember this bloke. He couldn't bat four years ago either!" in reference to an earlier Kiwi tour.

Pocock stood and said nothing. He then smashed the next ball for four with a beautiful cover drive. As the fielder picked the ball up from the fence, Pocock turned to Waugh and said, "I remember you too. You're the bloke with the ugly, 50 year old girlfriend....and you're going to marry her!"

And with that, we have a winner.

Blair Pocock has been my idol ever since he said that.

 

[RooDog]

Steven Waugh to Herschelle Gibbs at the 99 World Cup after gibbs dropped that infamous cup

"how does it feel to drop the world cup?"

gibbs left speechless

waugh makes a fine world cup ton

 

[TheWackedYak]

Pocock is still ahead by a street...

 

[themoose]

Eddo Brandes the Zimbabwean Chicken Farmer was the biscuit sledger to McGrath.

JG Thomas (allegedly the quickest white bowler at the time) was the player who had the run in the Viv in a Somerset v Glamorgan game.

My fave Javed was calling Merv a bus driver. (Coming from a Pakistani too!) Merv dismissed Javed and as he runs past shouts "Tickets Please"

 

[LordLucifer]

Last year whilst playing in the Thirds, the captain gave me instructions to shut up shop to force a draw, we were 8 down with only one of the bowlers to come in last.

I proceeded to defend everything that was thrown up despatching the occassional one to the boundary. The opposition started to gets the $hits with me and were giving me plenty of lip about having a go etc. Amongst all of the poxy comments I received was this gem :

"C'mon mate, get a hurry on, Pizza hut's open now"

(I am a rather portly character if that helps paints the picture)

 

[manmountain]

Early in his career, Merv Hughes was going through a bit of a lean patch and had taken 2 wickets in the first test, 1 wicket in the second test and none during the third test in which he was playing.

He was in a filthy mood down on the boundary when a spectator yelled out "Hughes, you're bloody useless - how many wickets have you taken in the past three tests?"

In no mood to talk, Hughes turned and gave the man the old two-fingered salute, to which he replied "Not only can't you bowl, you can't count either!".

 

[Thunderstruck]

Originally posted by manmountain
Early in his career, Merv Hughes was going through a bit of a lean patch and had taken 2 wickets in the first test, 1 wicket in the second test and none during the third test in which he was playing.

He was in a filthy mood down on the boundary when a spectator yelled out "Hughes, you're bloody useless - how many wickets have you taken in the past three tests?"

In no mood to talk, Hughes turned and gave the man the old two-fingered salute, to which he replied "Not only can't you bowl, you can't count either!".

LOL Classic thats the winner for mine

Plenty of good ones there.

Playing mecedes B grade side back in year 10, my batting partner was facing and the keeper was a real weird guy, kept making all these funny noises like high pitched sqeuaking, The he quips up something along the lines of "Mate, you look so gay i reckon ur hoping to be hit in the nuts" My batting partner replies "I might be gay mate but at least im not the product of two men"

He shut up then....all seemed funny at the time tho.

 

[sp-mac]

"Fu**en Arsey C**t"

The great Shane Warne, responding to a Stuart Carlisle six. Picked up beautifully by stumpcam microphone.

 

[flamethrower]

Legend has it that Sir Garfield Sobers used to sing
"Happy Birthday to Me" when facing less than average bowling!

 

[scottywiper]

Definitely Eddo Brandes with the biscuit comment. Apparently several Australians had to stop themselves from laughing when Pocock made his call.

 

[lamby29]

Originally posted by RooDog
Steven Waugh to Herschelle Gibbs at the 99 World Cup after gibbs dropped that infamous cup

"how does it feel to drop the world cup?"

gibbs left speechless

waugh makes a fine world cup ton

I think you'll find that Steve Waugh actually didn't say that.

 

[skipper kelly]

Originally posted by lamby29
I think you'll find that Steve Waugh actually didn't say that.

What did he say?

 

[Dipper]

Originally posted by Dave
Some unknown pommie pie chucker to I. V. A. Richards after putting a couple past the edge of the bat:

"It's round and red".

I. V. A. Richards to some unknown pommie pie chucker after depositing aformentioned round red thing out of the ground:

"Since you know what the fu(king thing looks like why don't you go and fu(king get it?".

Or words to that effect.

Unknown pommie pie chucker I'll have you know that that was Greg Thomas you're talking about, the great white hope of English fast bowling in the mid 80's, yes he was quick alright but could he put the ball on the spot?, let's just say if we'd heard of scud missiles in those days then that would have been a perfect nickname.

Apparently he said 'It's round & red & you're meant to hit it' as you say after beating Vivvy with a couple of beauties.

To put him into context he once took the new ball in a Test in the Windies in 86 & he had figures of something like 10-0-90-0 after Greenidge had savaged him.

 

[Dipper]

Originally posted by skipper kelly
What did he say?

I'm just reading Warnies book & have juts got to that bit & apparently it's the rather boring 'You've just cost your side the match' or somehting along those lines.

But the funny thing is Warne reckons that in the team meeting the night before he told all the Aussie players not to walk if Gibbs caught them because he doesn't hold onto the ball long enough before celebrating, they all laughed at him.