Best Sledges

[Dipper]

Originally posted by themoose


My fave Javed was calling Merv a bus driver. (Coming from a Pakistani too!) Merv dismissed Javed and as he runs past shouts "Tickets Please"

Oh mate you beat me to it, this is my favourite too, although the way I heard it he called him a bus conductor & when Merv got him he ran down the wicket shouting 'Ding, ding tickets please'

I also like the one where he's bowling to Viv Richards & giving him some verbals & I think it must be at Antigua becasue Vivvy is saying 'you can't talk to me like that here , this is my island &, my people & my culture'

So when Merv gets him out he runs down the wicket shouting 'In my culture mate we say p1ss off'-I'm chuckling right now just picturing it, the look of p1sstaking joy on Merv's face & the look of absolute thunder on Vivvy's.

 

[bluechampion]

Merv.

Not sure of the details, but it also involves Mervyn Hughes in the Windies.

A Windies batsman was giving Merv some stick, thwacking him about the ground. Having been despatched to the boundary, Merv paused midpitched and let rip with a massive fart - "Try and hit that, you F**ker."

The slips cordon apparently lost it.

 

[Fall Out Boy]

I miss Mervyn

 

[Matty01]

Re: Merv.

Originally posted by bluechampion
Not sure of the details, but it also involves Mervyn Hughes in the Windies.

A Windies batsman was giving Merv some stick, thwacking him about the ground. Having been despatched to the boundary, Merv paused midpitched and let rip with a massive fart - "Try and hit that, you F**ker."

The slips cordon apparently lost it.

Ha, ha, ha! Merv at his best! Ha!

 

[Qpid]

Warning pitches them up to a very defensive Arjuna Ranatunga, not inclined to move from his crease.

Healy pipes up, "Chuck him Mars bars, see if he'll come out for that."

Ranatunga: "I don't think I'd beat Boonie (fielding in his customary short-leg pos) to it!"

 

[Fall Out Boy]

Another Arjuna-Healy line.

Ranatunga asked for a runner, with that, Ian Healy piped up with "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat ****".

 

[Fall Out Boy]

Merv Hughes to Robin Smith "you can't bat to save your ****ing life".

Smith smashes the next ball for four and replies with "Make a good pair, don't we? I can't ****ing bat and you can't ****ing bowl."

-------------------------------------

Merv to a mystery English batsman "I'll bowl you a ****ing piano, ya Pommie ****ta. Let's see if you can play that."

 

[Fall Out Boy]

Anyone know if there is any truth to the rumour that the Aussies once baited Chris Cairns about the recent death of his sister?

 

[Adrian Shelton]

Wouldn't be surprised if the other Merv quote above was aimed at Graeme Hick(leave him alone you fat ba$****!!! )

 

[Wicked Lester]

Originally posted by phatandphreaky
Anyone know if there is any truth to the rumour that the Aussies once baited Chris Cairns about the recent death of his sister?

The rumour was that as Cairns took guard Steve Waugh was going "choo - choo, choo - choo" , mimicking a train. Cairns sister had been recently killed in a level crossing accident. This was back in about 1997 or thereabouts.

I think the story has been denied by the accused, but there was some tension there for a while between the two about something and the story persisted for some time.

Who knows?

In any case, I don't think I'd have it in my 'best sledges'. I hope its not true.

My favourite is Merv's 'tickets please!'

 

[P76]

I'm going for "Happy birthday to me" - wish I had have thought of that one.

 

[Skoff]

One from the local comp.

Many years ago we were playing against a pair of pretty real quick individuals who had us 5 / 30. Another wicket fell when the next guy (17), one year older than me came to the crease. He took gaurd and as the bowler was steaming in the short mid on walked onto the pitch, stopped the bowler just as he was into the delivery stride. Yelled out to the pavillion, "CAN SOMEONE GET THIS YOUNG BLOKE SOME TOILET PAPER, HE JUST **** HIMSELF".

No, he hadn't although our skipper who normally bats at 3 batted at 9 that day. Aparently to give the young blokes some experience.

 

[TheBloods]

The biscuit one wins by a mile. Many of the rest are pretty average kindergarten sandpit insults. I would hope the Waugh one about Cairns' sister is not true.

 

[Jars458]

A good one between Robin Smith and Merv Huges when Hughes has beaten the ouside edge a couple of times he said to him " you can't $#$%$ bat or words to taht effect

Next ball Smtih has smashed the ball to the bouandary for four and said to Hughes

"we make a right pair, I can't $##$ bat and you can't #$$% bowl"


One of my own was when I was batting at number ten for my turf side. I am a shocking batsmen and up to this stage had only made a top score of five.

Their pace bowler has made a mess of our team and we are 8 for about 60.

First ball I have tried an off drive which has gone in the air which looped up just over the mid off fieldsman for a couple.

Next two balls I have edged through the slips for four and all of a sudden I am on ten not out.

This makes this guy really mad and he bowls a short one which wizes past my face, so I just look back at him and laugh - wherein he calls me a fat cun*.

Next ball he bowls me middle stump, runs towards me and tells me to **** off.

I just look at him and smile and said "Mate you are the worst bowler I have ever faced. I just doubled my best score ever"

With that I walked off and raised by bat to the Crowd as I departed.

I found it highly amusing anyway

 

[Sheik Mathious]

Fred Trueman & Australia’s Gate Man
The story goes that in an England v Australia Test match during the early 1960s Fred Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new Aussie batsman wandered on to the pitch he turned around to shut it behind him.

Cue Fred: "Don't bother shutting it son, you won't be out there long enough."

 

[TheWackedYak]

Originally posted by phatandphreaky
Anyone know if there is any truth to the rumour that the Aussies once baited Chris Cairns about the recent death of his sister?

You'd hope not...rumour has it that Aussie Steve said something. I think Cairns is well-liked among the Aussies so for something like that to rear its head would be pretty ****house.

 

[Sheik Mathious]

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham
It’s become something of a traditional greeting, but cricket folklore insists that it was when Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Aussie wicketkeeper Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words:

"So how's your wife, and my kids?"

 

[Sheik Mathious]

Adam Parore & Daryll Cullinan
Despite holding his own in the above exchange, Cullinan is well known for being Shane Warne’s ‘bunny’. Which explains why, in a game between South Africa and New Zealand shortly after Cullinan had been given the runaround by the Aussie leggie, Parore is famous for greeting the sight of the South African carefully playing his first ball, from Kiwi spinner Craig Harris, with a cry of: "Well bowled, Warnie!"

 

[Matty01]

Originally posted by Sheik Mathious
"So how's your wife, and my kids?"

Isn't that a line from the movie Major League?

 

[Sheik Mathious]

Originally posted by Matty01
Isn't that a line from the movie Major League?

Would not surprise me.

 

[Joffaboy]

Along the lines of the choccy biscuit quip.

Kerry OKeefe (of the white hair and silly laugh fame) was being a bushwacker for Packer during the WSC days. During a game in Townsville a spectator kept heckling O'Keefe who was fielding on the fence at fine leg.

The spectator kept asking "When are you gunna have a bowl O'Keefe?". This went on for about half an hour. The last time this spectator said "When are you gunna have a bowl O'Keefe?" O'Keefe turned around and shouted "If you would keep your wife out of my bed, mabye I would have the energy to bowl" at which the crowd roared with laughter and the spectator spoke no more.

I loved the Brandis, Pocock, and especially the Merv tickets please to Javed.

 

[llosis]

This is one funny thread. Keep 'em coming boys.

 

[EagleBlue]

Originally posted by Wicked Lester
The rumour was that as Cairns took guard Steve Waugh was going "choo - choo, choo - choo" , mimicking a train. Cairns sister had been recently killed in a level crossing accident. This was back in about 1997 or thereabouts.

I think the story has been denied by the accused, but there was some tension there for a while between the two about something and the story persisted for some time.

Who knows?

In any case, I don't think I'd have it in my 'best sledges'. I hope its not true.

My favourite is Merv's 'tickets please!'

I believe Chris Cairns denied it as well

 

[EagleBlue]

Originally posted by Sheik Mathious
Fred Trueman & Australia’s Gate Man
The story goes that in an England v Australia Test match during the early 1960s Fred Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new Aussie batsman wandered on to the pitch he turned around to shut it behind him.

Cue Fred: "Don't bother shutting it son, you won't be out there long enough."

Ah, the one and only Freddie Trueman. 2 other gems I remember from him

1. Fielder just misfields off his bowling. "Sorry Fred, should have closed my legs" Fred "Not just you son, ya ****ing mother as well"

2. Fielder just dropped a catch of his bowling "Sorry Fred" Fred "Dont worry son, you didnt drop it very far, only about 18 inches I reckon"

 

[Dipper]

Originally posted by Wicked Lester
The rumour was that as Cairns took guard Steve Waugh was going "choo - choo, choo - choo" , mimicking a train. Cairns sister had been recently killed in a level crossing accident. This was back in about 1997 or thereabouts.

I think the story has been denied by the accused, but there was some tension there for a while between the two about something and the story persisted for some time.

Who knows?

In any case, I don't think I'd have it in my 'best sledges'. I hope its not true.

My favourite is Merv's 'tickets please!'

I was in Australia at the time & Cairns even appeared live on breakfast telly to say that there was absolutely no truth in it whatsoever, I suppose he wouldn't do that if Waugh had done it.

Then again you wonder how the whole rumour started.