Media Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 38

Tonga Bob · Jul 26, 2024

[pictured - qumpire Mike Chamberlain & philreich having a moment]

Greeting fan of officiating, I come to you with a ninth serving of Sweet's most convoluted case of number-wrangling. Yes, I'm afraid to tell you that The Free Kick Table returns for season 38. And it's a bittersweet edition this time round, as news of veteran qumpire Mike Chamberlain's decision to hang up his ~~bias~~ whistle filters through the competition.

[pictured with an economy of pixels - news of qumpire Mike Chamberlain's retirement filtering through the competition]

For those who came in late, here's the concept behind the Free Kick Table:

"Free kicks are a very emotive topic in football, however it seems that the 'random' nature of qootball displaces that emotion from umpires to the sim. One way to look at this is a free kick differential, which aggregates free kicks over a period of time and shows which teams receive more than others.

My Free Kick Table takes this one step further, and aggregates the impact of free kicks on a game-by-game basis to see who won the free kick count in each game. So pretty much what would happen if you replaced goals and points scored with free kicks received and conceded."

You'd imagine that there would be prizes on offer given this is a competition. Well firstly mazel tov for imagining qooty free kicks, you're down bad if this is the case. But also, yes. Yes there are prizes. Three (3) of them. The team that finishes the home and away season on top of the Free Kick Table wins the coveted Silver Whistle Trophy. And those individuals that catch the eye of the qumpires for either good or bad reasons will be in the running for individual gongs such as the Little Spoon Trophy for the player with the most free kicks received in the season or the Big Spoon Trophy for the player that concedes the most frees in the season.

What do you have to do to win these prizes? Stuff all, it's all simhoused so your involvement is simply to strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride.

LFK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonga Bob · Jul 26, 2024

Here's the updated season board up from when I joined the league (ie: when the league really started) until the end of last season.

Loonerty Elton Johns Wig Robertio MP_ Millky95 Cap Pugsley StFly Bradesmaen Brick Loosener damicky moginie Wosh tigs2010 ClarkeM Senor M zackah crazywildhorse Frothies Mcveigh

Tonga Bob · Jul 26, 2024

How have the previous seasons gone? Well here let me show you.

The first recorded one is from season 29, when the Roys first saluted:

The Gumbies took out the Silver Whistle in season 30:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 30

I learned many things about the SFA last season: That it exists; That it's a community of many campaigners with many different personalities from all walks of life (and that's just TJASTA); That the sim is an evil sentient genius that, underneath its randomness has patterns that it forms; That...

www.bigfooty.com

The Roys went back to almost back to back again in season 31:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 31

*fanfare noises* Hello nerds. Welcome back here to the SFA, and welcome to our rookie group for the very first time. The municipality of Sweet is buzzing in anticipation in this the first round of season 31! There's a lot to get excited about - the banter, the camaraderie, the quality media...

www.bigfooty.com

Then the Furies got the chocolates in season 32:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 32

Hello nerds! In what has quickly become a highlight of the SFA season, Bob's Statistics (a division of Bob's Shitpostsᵀᴹ) is once again delighted to present to you the Free Kick Table for season 32! For those of you that are either new to the SFA or have repressed any memory of its existence...

www.bigfooty.com

In season 33 the Silver Whistle went from the hippodrome to Adbu Prison:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 33

Yo nerds, guess what? [unrealistic pause for a reply that will never come] I may be with captaincy this season, but that's not gonna stop me from getting back on my bullshit by giving you the stats that you neither requested nor craved. That's right - the Free Kick Table returns for season 33...

www.bigfooty.com

The Mount Buller Demons had their time in the sun in season 34:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 34

We're back, babey!!!!! That's right, one of Sweet's longest currently running statistically-laden media pieces is now in its fifth season as the Free Kick Table returns for season 34 thanks to the good person at Bob's Statistics (a division of Bob's Shitpostsᵀᴹ)!!! Here's the now customary...

www.bigfooty.com

Before the Sin Citizens brought the Silver Whistle underground in season 35:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 35

You said it, Ray. I'm sure that you're pleased to find out I'll be doing my now adored and highly anticipated* Free Kick count in season 35. Six seasons deep, this piece of media buffoonery comes to you from thanks to the good person at Bob's Statistics (a division of Bob's Shitpostsᵀᴹ)...

www.bigfooty.com

In season 36 the qumpire-fuelled dynasty commenced at Coney Island:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 36

free kick (noun - /ˌfriː ˈkɪk/): in football, an opportunity to kick the ball without the other team getting involved, allowed when a player from the other team has not obeyed one of the rules. How good are rules hey nerds? They frickin' rule!!!! pun absolutely intended Welcome back to the...

www.bigfooty.com

Which then continued last season:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 37

We love qumpires. Like simmers, match posters, Committee members, club captains, stats collectors and Mrs Turbo the qumpires do a thankless task that is either criticised or ridiculed. But not here at Bob's Stats. Here we celebrate qumpires, and for the eighth season running Bob's Stats proudly*...

www.bigfooty.com

And finally a table showing all of the stuff above in the one table. Pocket-sized, you might say:

Tonga Bob · Aug 3, 2024

Well nerds, it's time to see what round one spat out in terms of free kick action. Here goes...

The top two all time sides unsurprisingly sit top two on the ladder after the first round of season 38, with the Warriors and Roys both enjoying seven kick margins against the Swamprats and Royals respectively. The Gumbies are third thanks to a 13-9 win over the Bombers, the Bears are fourth after overcoming the Dragons 8-6 in a match where the qumpires put away their whistles which could also be said of the Demons/Wonders match which went the way of the Delons 10-9 putting them fifth, and the Furies & Hawks were the yang to their yin as the qumpires had a field day in a 22-20 whistlefest that went the way of the Furies. Bet we see some large individual totals in this one!

Early trends see the winners in five of the six matches also winning the qooty result which gives us a pretty low average ladder variation of under three places per club, with the Bears the only side to waste a qumpiring advantage, ironically having the biggest qooty defeat (60 points) despite winning the free kick count. And only the Gumbies & Furies could call upon the affirmation noises of their home crowds to impact the qooty results.

Let's check in on the Spoons...

What did I tell you about the large individual totals from the Furies? It seems that Frothies Mcveigh has had either a change of position or a change in attitude, as last season's Big Spoon winner is leading the Little Spoon early doors with seven frees for. Last season's Little Spoon runner up Shueygod finds himself in the same spot again after earning six frees, while the trio of Hawk PhenomenalV1 Roy royboy2 & Warrior spudmaster are joint third on five frees for apiece.

And wouldn't you know it, a Furies player leads the Big Spoon as well. This time it's omgfridge on top after conceding six frees. He's not a whitegood, he's just a very naughty boy. The five frees for that PhenomenalV1 got were cancelled out by the five frees that he conceded, putting him in second place. In equal third on four frees against are perennial free kick conceder Zoops and Supersuns (good to see him still kicking). Rounding out the top five are ant555 DERRINALPHIL & Shueygod (again), each with three frees against.

There you have it, round one is in the books. See you next week with more of the same malarkey.

Tonga Bob · Aug 10, 2024

Hey nerds, time to throw up some more free kick stats. Let's get it!

The Gumbies, Roys and Demons have a perfect record after two rounds with wins over the Warriors (19-11), Bears (15-10) & Deagons (17-14) respectively. The Old Boys are the other undefeated team after coming off a round one bye thanks to a 16-10 victory over the Hawks. On the other side of the ladder the losses for the Dragons and Hawks leave them with 0-2 starts to the season, along with the Bombers who copped a 11-22 hiding at the hands of the Royals (well it was mainly the qumpires but the Gold Citizens reaped the rewards). Elsewhere the Swamprats beat the Furies 17-19 while the Wonders had a bye to go with a round one loss.

Four out of six free kick winners (Gumbies/Demons/Royals/Swamprats) also won the qooty result, while only two of the home teams (Demons & OOFs) had home town crowds that positively affected their free kick counts.

[Pictured: Frothies Mcveigh retaining his Little Spoon lead]

Frothies Mcveigh could only manage two frees for in round two to go with the seven that he got in round one, which was still enough to retain the Little Spoon lead although he now shares it with royboy2 who both have flopped their way to 9 frees for each. Four players are one free further back to share third place - BloodySwan PhenomenalV1 Scythe94 & TheInjuryFactory.

omgfridge coughed up another three frees in round two to sit on nine, an impressive three conceded frees ahead of Zoops who is another free kick ahead of a group of seven miscreants - ant555 Bovo Grav JoshWoodenSpoon PhenomenalV1 Scythe94 & spudmaster.

That'll do for now. I need to get going, some gangsta's dissin' my fly girl so I gotta give him one of these...

Tonga Bob · Aug 16, 2024

Time for another free kick update nerds. Sounds unbelievable, right Tom?

The Gumbies and Royals had the first draw of the season (13 all), which left the Demons with the only perfect record after three rounds after defeating the last of the teams with a perfect record in the Roys 20-16. The OOFs also came into round three undefeated after a win and a bye, however that was short lived as the Swamprats took them out by 24 kicks to 19. In other results the Furies beat the Warriors 14-13, the Hawks had their first win of the season against the also winless Wonders 16-11 and the Bears trounced the stone motherless Bombers 17-8 to keep the Babylonians on the bottom of the ladder.

The variation between the free kick and qooty ladders after three rounds is very low at a touch over two places, meaning the free kicks are hugely influencing qooty results. The Demons for example have perfect records in both qooty & free kicks and the Gumbies are one free kick away from the same result, while the Bombers are zero from three in both qooty and frees. In fact 9 of the 13 teams have a variance between the two tables of 2 or less.

Of the 20 frees that the Demons received in round 3, moginie got eight of them to come from nowhere and lead the Little Spoon count on 13. He's one ahead of royboy2 who is another one ahead of PhenomenalV1 Scythe94 Shueygod & TheInjuryFactory who all got three frees for apart from Luke who got four frees for. Last week's leader Frothies Mcveigh however doughnutted to drop out of the top 5 altogether.

Despite only conceding one free last week, omgfridge still holds a three kick lead in the Big Spoon. In quite the coincidence, PhenomenalV1 and Scythe94 not only got the same number of frees for (3) but the same number of frees against (2) to be equal in both Spoon counts. Here they are in joint second on 7 conceded frees, one ahead of the follow eleven campaigners - Shueygod damicky manicpie snozulu FreoGirl jackster83 Bovo tomjoad Zoops Roylion & Rappin' RonnieRaven who are all on six conceded frees after three rounds.

Back with more of my bullshit next week. Keep on kickin'!

Tonga Bob · Aug 26, 2024

[Pictured - veteran qumpire Mike Chamberlain looking for the Round 4 freekick update]

Hahahaa only took me four rounds to fall behind on this thing. Thankfully Hate was delayed in updating SweetFA+ so I was able to yoink the stats from a week ago.

Let's get to it...

The Demons and Gumbies lost their first games of the season, with the plasticine people going down 14-16 to the Furies while in the upset of the season the Delons lost to the previously winless Bombers 18-22. The Old Boys had the biggest win of the round, defeating the Warriors 12-5 in muddy conditions, the Royals knocked over the Bears 17-14, the Dragons beat the Hawks by 15 kicks to 12 and the Wonders also notched up their first win of season 38 with a 14-11 effort over the Swamprats. And Roy had a bye.

Half of the home teams won, and half of the teams that won the qooty won the free kick count. The ladder variation is still ridiculously low though, with the only outliers being the OOFs who aren't converting qumpire love to qooty wins and the Wazzas who are getting results despite being done dirty by the whistle blowers.

moginie has 17 frees for and has doubled their Little Spoon lead. I mean it's gone from one to two, but it's still doubled. cats_09 has rocketed to second place after picking up five frees for in round four to overtake Shueygod into second. TheInjuryFactory is fourth on 13 kicks, one ahead of royboy2 Scythe94 & snozulu to round out the top five.

omgfridge is still king of the thugs, retaining his three kick lead in the Big Spoon. He's on 11, with the chasing pack of cartwright jackster83 manicpie MayTheNorthBeWithU SM & tomjoad all on eight frees against.

There we go, that's round 4. I think I got away with being late, let's see if I have the same luck next week I mean this week I mean last week idk what week it is.

Tonga Bob · Sep 1, 2024

[Pictured - a qumpire pretending to be the Whore Tree to get a bit of lovin']

Round five with the whistleblowers. Snitches may get stitches, but qumpires give them. Here's what happened.

The Gumbies have retaken the Silver Whistle lead after beating the Bears 19-18 while the Royals Old Boys Roys & Swamprats continue to rise up the ladder after defeating the Demons (19-16), Furies (18-12), Hawks (18-14) & Dragons (17-12) respectively; results which have sent the Demons Furies & Bears into freefall. The other result of the weekend saw the Wonders beat the Warriors 22-17.

moginie retains his lead in the Little Spoon, his 20 frees for seeing him three frees ahead of cats_09 with manicpie PhenomenalV1 & Shueygod a further two kicks behind in joint third.

And another round of omgfridge leading the Big Spoon, whose 13 conceded frees is three more than Scythe94 & Shueygod. jackster83 PhenomenalV1 Purple7x08_24 & SM round out the top five on 9 frees against.

OK cool I'm back up to date. Let's see how long this lasts aye?

Tonga Bob · Sep 6, 2024

[Pictured - qumpires needing security to escort them from the field after another 'mare]

Free kick review, back in the traditional Friday 1 timeslot. Let's get it.

The Old Boys won their third free kick count in a row, this time a 19-16 win over the previously leading Gumbies. This takes them to the top of the ladder for the first time in their short yet charmed existence. They are equal on points with the all-time free kick leaders the Roys, who accounted for the Sin Citizens 18-16. The Demons and the Bears shared the chocolates with a 20-all result, the Wonders pipped the Furies 14-13, the Dragons beat the Warriors 16-11 in a result that surprises absolutely nobody and the Bombers notched their first win of the season, beating the Hawks 19-16 in the battle of the cellar dwellers.

The OOFs, Roys & Dragons were the teams that converted their free kick ascendancy into qooty wins this week while the OOFs & Roys were the only home teams that won free kick counts. But my fun fact of the week is that the Swamprats are at 100% exactly in both the qooty & free kick ladders, meaning that not only have they scored & conceded the same amount of points (572) but have also received & conceded the same amount of free kicks (99). Bet you didn't have that in your 'Did You Know' thing Falconista!

The flowers that moginie bought for the qumpires this week paid off, as he received 8 free kicks to extend his Little Spoon lead to six. cats_09 picked up a lazy five of his own to sit on 22 for the season, extending his grip on second spot to three kicks from philreich who also got five frees for to sit on 19 for the season. Shueygod is a further kick behind in fourth, while the trio of Millky95 PhenomenalV1 & royboy2 round out the top five as they are all tied on 17 frees for.

omgfridge had a quiet round, only conceding one free kick to see his Big Spoon lead shrink to a single kick as the four that jackster83 conceded sees him jump to second place. Scythe94 is third on 12 frees against, one ahead of the omnipresent Shueygod while seven different hooligans are tied in fifth place all on 10 frees against for the season - Brick Loosener MayTheNorthBeWithU p4p1 PhenomenalV1 Purple7x08_24 SM & tomjoad.

Until next week nerds...

Tonga Bob · Sep 15, 2024

[Pictured: a qumpire tripping over, just before the ball hit him in the back of the head]

Things are getting hot in the free kick kitchen nerds, let's see what's on the menu.

The Old Boys won their fourth free kick count in a row thanks to a 27-20 win over the Wonders to retain their Silver Whistle lead. The Royals and Gumbies are half a game behind the OOFs after beating the Hawks (11-8) & Demons (18-17) respectively. The biggest upset of the round was the stone motherless Warriors knocking off the second placed Roys 13-10, which saw the gorillas drop two spots and the Wazzas rise one place. In other results the Bombers & Swamprats drew 13 all while the Furies beat the Dragons 17-15.

cats_09 (29 frees for) received seven free kicks in round seven to come from the pack and overtake previous leader moginie (28) in the Little Spoon, who failed to impress the qumpires. They are some distance ahead of third placed Braklet (22) who also gained seven frees in round seven, who is two kick ahead of a chasing pack consisting of ClarkeM Drizzy PhenomenalV1 philreich & Shueygod.

Former Big Spoon winner Brick Loosener unleased his inner flog in round seven, conceding five free kicks to join omgfridge in the lead on 15 frees against. jackster83 is a kick behind in third, while the trio of FreoGirl p4p1 & Scythe94 are two kicks further back in a tie for fifth.

Enjoy the week nerds, may it be full of numbers.

Tonga Bob · Sep 29, 2024

Hey nerds, ya boy's running a bit late again so you're getting a double dose of free kick stats. Saddle up hombres.

The Old Boys won their fifth free kick count in a row courtesy of a 15-9 victory over the Dragons to retain their Silver Whistle lead. The Royals lost 15-23 against the Swmprats to drop from second to fifth, replaced by the Gumbies who beat the Wonders 13-10 and the Roys who beat the Furies 16-14. The Warriors toppled the Bombers 19-16 to climb back to the middle of the table and the Hawks won their second count of the season by beating the Bears 19-15.

cats_09 received four frees to extend their Little Spoon lead to five from the bye having moginie along with philreich, who picked up eight free kicks in round eight. They are three frees ahead of PhenomenalV1 who got five frees to sit on 25, one ahead of two-time Little Spooner Millky95.

Meanwhile in Big Spoon town jackster83 joined omgfridge & Brick Loosener on top of the standings, all of whom are on 16 conceded frees. Rounding out the top five are ant555 & Giant YoYo who are three frees against further back.

Stand by for the second leg of the Daily Double...

Tonga Bob · Sep 29, 2024

[Pictured - qumpire Mike Chamberlain booing the fans back]

The Free Kick Table will return... right now!

Some unexpected results in round nine. The all conquering OOFs were... well, conquered by the all-time leader Roys 18-26 to see the Monkey Men join the Old Boys atop the ladder. The Hawks won their second free kick count in a row 26-18 over the Demons. Sin City thrashed the Bears 11-4 (hey Hate what's the least number of free kicks a team has ever received in a qooty match?) to jump back to third, the Wonders beat the Dragons 16-15, the Royals toppled the Warriors 15-13 and the Bombers continued their run with a 16-13 win over the Furies.

Thanks to his team having the bye, cats_09 unsurprisingly got a doughnut which allowed moginie to cut the Little Spoon lead to a single kick. PhenomenalV1 was the big mover in round nine, getting seven frees to join moginie on 32 for the season, while philreich (31) & Drizzy (27) round out the top five.

omgfridge also took advantage of the Gumbies' bye, with his one conceded free enough to take sole ownership of the Big Spoon lead. FreoGirl copped four frees against to join Brick Loosener and jackster83 in second place, while Giant YoYo & Scythe94 are a further kick back in joint fifth place.

Seeya next time nerds!

Tonga Bob · Oct 6, 2024

[Pictured: some qumpires about to sacrifice a ball to Mobbefuehrer]

Hey nerds, while I wait for philreich to finish posting the match I'm in let me give you another round of free kick stats.

The top eight positions on the free kick ladder remain unchanged this week, but it was a weird old week as only one of the top five teams won. It was the Old Boys returned to winning ways in round ten, beating the Bombers 19-16, and they open a four point gap on the Roys who lost 12-15 to the Wonders. The third placed Swamprats also lost 17-18 to the Demons, the fourth placed Gumbies also lost by 14 kicks to 19 against the Dragons and the fifth placed Royals lost to the sixth placed Furies 14-18. Finally the Las Vegans (Spanish for 'the vegans') beat the Warriors 18-15.

cats_09 retains a one kick lead in the Little Spoon after picking up 6 free kicks in round 10, but there's been a change in second place as the aforementioned match posting philreich has rocketed into second place after gaining seven frees for. Former leader moginie could only quaff three frees for to sit in third place on 35, one ahead of former winner Millky95 while PhenomenalV1 (32) rounds out the top five.

In a tight Big Spoon race, former winner Brick Loosener and rookie FreoGirl both conceded two frees to share a one kick lead from ant555 jackster83 and former leader omgfridge who needs to get his blood all angried up again if he stands a chance to fulfilling early potential.

There you go nerds, round ten done and dusted in a half of qooty match posting. Until next week, or the week after idk.

Tonga Bob · Oct 9, 2024

[Pictured - qooty qumpire thinking he's a qricket qumpire and calling a no ball]

Midweek free kick stats is it? Well trade week is boring as batshit and my qooty team has a bye so dig in nerds...

Another week another Old Boys free kick win, this week's victims being the Royals 16-12. The Roys remain in second place after beating the Dragons 17-15. A second consecutive four kick win (19-15 over the Bears) see the Furies rise to third, equal on points with the Wonders who beat the Bombers 18-15. Elsewhere the Hawks beat the Gumbies 23-21 in a highly officiated match and the Warriors broke a two game losing streak by beating the Demons 15-12.

Little Spoon leader cats_09 took advantage of both generous qumpiring and his nearest opponent having a bye. Seven frees for saw the Gumby extend his lead over philreich to eight kicks, with former leader moginie joining the Sinner in equal second place. Millky95 is a kick behind the duo, with Shueygod back in the top five after a few weeks away.

Dragon and Sandgroper icon Ljp86 has come from nowhere to take the lead in the Big Spoon. His 19 frees against is one clear of a chasing pack of four - Brick Loosener FreoGirl Mrs Turbo and omgfridge - in what is shaping as a finish so close that the leading contenders' noses are touching.

Well that's it nerds. Enjoy your week, or don't I'm not your father.

Tonga Bob · Oct 19, 2024

[Pictured - a qumpire performing the Macarena at the most inappropriate time]
(Note: any time the Macarena is performed, it's the most inappropriate time)

Hello nerds, you thought I forgot to do last round's update just because I had the bye huh? Well you'd be right, but here I am now spitting hot stats. Please consider...

At this stage it looks like the Old Boys by how much, as the OOFs notched their third win in a row (and eighth in their past nine) by beating the Sin Citizens 15-13. They have now opened up an eight point gap from the Roys, who suffered a massive 6-16 loss to the Bears while the Wonders joined them on 28 points with their fourth win on the trot, a 9-8 victory over the Hawks. The Royals rose to fourth after defeating the Gumbies 17-8, the Bombers beat the Demons 10-8 and the Warriors Dragons & Furies all had byes.

Despite only getting three frees for in round 12, cats_09 has managed to extend their lead in the Little Spoon to nine kicks from the duo of Millky95 & moginie, while philreich and snozulu are a further kick behind in equal fourth.

Old Boy rookie FreoGirl... wait that doesn't sound right.

First year Ophidian FreoGirl took advantage of some byes and some donuts to take the lead in the Big Spoon. Her 20 frees against are one more than jackster83 & Ljp86, while four conceded frees from p4p1 saw them join Brick Loosener Mrs Turbo & omgfridge on 18 kicks each, which sees them in equal fourth place.

Gonna go outside and enjoy the sun now. Wish me luck.

Tonga Bob · Nov 1, 2024

[Pictured - a confused qumpire looking to see where the ball has gone before he's thrown it up]

Not me running behind on a thread again. OK let's get into character...

The Old Farts have pretty much sewn up the Silver Whistle after their ninth win in the past ten rounds, this time a 20-16 victory over the reigning winners. That, along with the second-placed Roys suffering a massive 12-23 thumping at the hands of the Delons, sees the Ophidians three games clear atop the ladder. The Furies jumped to second on percentage after downing the Gumbies 14-13, the Wonders dropped to fourth after being pumped 8-16 by the Swamprats, the Royals dropped two spots to sixth after going down 9-15 to the Bears and the Hawks kept the Dragons fixed to the bottom of the ladder by winning their free kick count 15-12.

It's the usual suspects in the Little Spoon, with cats_09 still enjoying an eight kick lead after getting four in round 13. moginie (45) sits in second place after receiving five frees for, Roy veteran fitzroybowiedog (42) has entered the chat in third place one ahead of Millky95 & two ahead of Braklet.

A lot tighter in the Big Spoon though, and some big news in that co-leader FreoGirl has retired after achieving her goal of leading the frees against count. Punch first and ask questions later, that's my motto. Speaking of me...

Your host went the biff in round 13, conceding a heroically-proportioned six (6) free kicks to join the recently-departed FreoGirl atop the Big Spoon count. Giant YoYo remains appropriately named by rising back up to third on 21 frees against, while a bunch of people including jackster83 Ljp86 Mrs Turbo omgfridge and Phar Ace round out the top five, a further kick behind.

Might f*ck around and do round 14 now.

Tonga Bob · Nov 1, 2024

[Pictured - Honey I Shrunk Tom Hawkins

26

Tom Hawkins

Age
37

Ht

197cm

Wt
105kg

Pos.
Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D
12.2

3

K
7.9

3

HB
4.4

3

M
5.5

5

T
1.9

4

G
2.1

5

D
12.7

3

K
8.6

3

HB
4.1

3

M
5.1

5

T
2.1

3

G
1.6

5

D
7.8

2

K
5.6

3

HB
2.2

2

M
4.2

4

T
1.0

3

G
2.2

5

]

Bob's Free Kick Count will continue... right now!

Well that's one free kick award sorted. The OOFs clinch their first Silver Whistle with their 10th win in their past 11 games after narrowly beating the Hawks 19-18, as the chasing pack keep tripping over each other. The Swamprats are now second after comfortably dispatching the Furies 21-12, the Royals are back in third after having the largest win of the season with a 21-7 shellacking over the shellshocked Bombers, the Warriors returned to winning ways with a 17-14 win over the Gumbies which is the fifth straight loss for the plasticine people and the Demons edged the stone motherless Dragons 13-12.

The lead that cats_09 enjoys in the Little Spoon has been reduced by two as moginie picked up five frees for to the Gumby's three. The lead is still six though so the cat still has a few lives left. Braklet also picked up five frees to now sit third on 45 with fitzroybowiedog and philreich three kicks behind in equal fourth.

Another two conceded free kicks by your host (me) sees a two kick lead established over ex-OOB FreoGirl and current OOB Mrs Turbo. One kick behind them are Giant YoYo jackster83 Ljp86 omgfridge and p4p1.

And with that I am now up to date and about to enjoy the hospitality of one (1) pub. Arriba!

Tonga Bob · Nov 7, 2024

[Pictured: a qumpire making every day Wacky Wednesday]

OK nerds we're getting to the pointy end of the season. Let's see what hasn't been decided yet...

After pretty much wrapping up the Silver Whistle, the Ophidians lost a free kick count! It was the Wonders that saluted 23-16, which means that they remain a wafer-thin chance of usurping the OOFs if the OOFs lose their two remaining counts and Wonders win their remaining three counts by like a thousand kicks a game. The Swamprats beat the Hawks 20-18 to remain in second however a bye in round 17 puts the kaibosh on any chances they have.

In other games the Warriors beat the Furies 16-12, the Bears beat the Bombers 11-9 and the stone motherless Dragons upset the Roys 16-15 to move within half a game from second-from-last Babylonians.

Both cats_09 & moginie had their final byes of the season, which allowed the chasing pack to make some ground in the Little Spoon. Ophidian seppo Braklet prepared for voting by getting five frees for to join moginie in second place, four ahead of fourth placed itinerant Furie Frothies Mcveigh who is a further kick ahead of fitzroybowiedog PhenomenalV1 & Pie 4 Life who round out the top five.

Things are tight af in the Big Spoon, as a four frees against effort from Mrs Turbo sees the Ophidian matriarch sit alongside your host (me) on 26 conceded kicks. This comes as no surprise though as she always wants to sit next to me. Former Big Spoon leader omgfridge also gave away four frees to sit one kick behind our power couple, while Giant YoYo FreoGirl & Loonerty are three kicks further back.

Three rounds to go. In the words of Bacon from Lock Stock..., "let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't". Next week will reveal more, so stay tuned nerds.

Tonga Bob · Nov 21, 2024

[Pictured: a qumpire who is obviously late for something. Not like me haha]

Round 16 seems so long ag huh? Let's see what the qumpires thought of it...

With the OOFs having the bye in round 16, the Swamprats had the opportunity to bridge the gap at the top and make the Silver Whistle count a bit more interesting. Were they able to manage it? Were they ever! A 19-11 win over the Warriors sees them reduce the deficit to 6 points with both having two games remaining. [EDITOR'S NOTES: the host (me) didn't realise that the Swamprats have a bye in round 17, so are officially out of contention. Haha suck eggs!] The Wonders could technically also take out the Silver Whistle given they're 8 points from the lead, after thumping the Demons 23-10. The Roys and Furies each rose a place by beating the Royals (17-8) & the Hawks (19-16) respectively. Elsewhere the Bombers beat the Gumbies 12-11 while the Bears and Dragons had a 15-all draw, results which see the Drags rise to within 2 points of the second last East Siders.

The race for the Little Spoon remains largely unchanged, with four of the top five all getting three frees for. cats_09 still leads on 57 kicks, six ahead of moginie. Braklet was the mover of the top five, getting five frees for to jump to third, a single kick behind moginie. Frothies Mcveigh (49) & fitzroybowiedog (48) round out the top five.

The aforementioned bye for the OOFs meant that your host (me) stole a two kick lead over Mrs Turbo, although this may well be a temporary lead given the Warriors have a bye in the next round. omgfridge & Loonerty are in joint third place on 35 frees against, while the consistently inconsistent Giant YoYo is a further kick back in fifth.

Stand by for the round seventeen results...

Tonga Bob · Nov 21, 2024

[Pictyred: a Happy Day for qumpire Arthur Fonzarelli]

Righto nerds, here's the penultimate round of free kick stats. Hook in...

If it wasn't officially official, it's officially official now. The Old Boys confirmed themselves as the Silver Whistle winners for season 38 by drawing against the Bears 15-all, which was the second draw in a row for the Las Vegans (and third for the season). This draw meant that the Wonders, who were still a mathematical chance of taking the Silver Whistle out, could not catch the OOFs, and that fact that they lost 15-18 against the Royals sealed the deal.

Elsewhere the Furies finished their season with a 16-20 loss against the Demons, the Roys and the Gumbies had the second draw of the round 10-all, and a loss to the Bombers 8-11 meant the Dragons were unable to overtake the bye-having Hawks to get off the bottom of the ladder.

As for the individual accolades, read on...

Braklet continues his late-season surge in the Little Spoon by receiving six frees for to jump into second, three kicks behind long-term leader cats_09 who ony received two frees for. So did moginie who is now third, three frees behind the Ophidian. Frothies Mcveigh finishes his campaign on 51 frees for to sit in fourth currently, while Pie 4 Life enters the top five on 50.

With the Warriors one of the teams having the bye this round, Mrs Turbo had the chance to sit back alongside your host (me) as the power couple atop the Big Spoon leader board. Alas, she squibbed by being nice and conceding nil free kicks. omgfridge seized the opportunity with both doors and moved alongside her into joint second place. Loonerty (25) retained his position in fourth despite also being bye-bound in round 17, thanks to Giant YoYo also squibbing and going all Krispy Kreme on us.

So one round remains. The Silver Whistle is snaffled, but the wooden spoon is still up for grabs as are both of the other spoons - the Little and the Big. Seeya next week when all will be revealed.

Tonga Bob · Dec 29, 2024

Ayo the sign is real simple, B.

Well nerds it seems as if everyone else are finishing their threads so it would be remiss of me to leave this one hanging much longer.

We'll start the wrap up with the final team free kick rankings, along with the awarding of the Silver Whistle. Of course this had been decided a while back, but let's see how it finished.

The Old Boys had this in the bag for ages. They've led the ladder since round 6, had the most overall frees for (even though they also conceded the fifth most frees) and received the most free kicks at their home ground. They also received the most free kicks in a defeat, meaning that the love that qumpires gave them did not translate to qooty success.

This was in fact a trend in season 38, as the ladder variation of 6 is by far the highest since the Free Kick count has been run. The OOBs (ladder variation of 7), the Swamprats (10) & Wonders (7) all failed to capitalise on free kick dominance, while the Dragons (9), Warriors (10) & the premiership winning Hawks (8) all made at least a preliminary final despite obvious qumpire bias against them. The Hawks conceded the equal most frees along with the Furies (although they received the third most), while the Demons (who were the other team to make a prelim) conceded the third most.

The Swamprats came in second, having the most positive free kick differential of all teams while the Royals finished third, who had the second most positive free kick differential. On the other end of the table it was the Dragons who took out the wooden spoon. They received the fewest frees for and had the second most negative FK differentlal. After winning the previous two Silver Whistles, it was Coney Island who came crashing back to Earth finishing second last with the most worst FK differential, the worst home ground advantage and the second worst percentage. It was only a late season show of sympathy from the qumpires that led the Bombers to finish as high as ninth who finished with the worst percentage, the second worst FK differential and by far the worst record in defeats meaning that the qumpires absolutely did the Babylonians dirty. And as for the rest of the teams, well they ended up in mid-table purgatory.

Anyhoo, to the victors go the spoils and in this instance that means the Silver Whistle. So mazel tov to Tigerturbulance and the Old Boys for taking out the Silver Whistle for season 38! Here's your miniature novelty trophy.

[many thanks to Elton Johns Wig for the ubiquitous AI-generated background]

Tonga Bob · Dec 29, 2024

Now for the individual awards, beginning with the Little Spoon for the player to have received the most free kicks for season 38. OOB cephalopod Braklet was making a late charge at the title, only three frees for behind long-time leader cats_09 from the Gumbies. Braklet however chose this week to visit Qrispy Qreme, and instead of bribing the qumpires with the donuts he picked up he went at kept them for himself. And with none of the other frontrunners doing anything remarkable, the Little Spoon makes its way to the House of Gumby for the first time since StFly took it out in season 32.

Here's the final results:

In equal 10th were Dragon Drizzy and Furie Shueygod on 47 frees for, Royal Crimson Azure was ninth on 48, two-time winner Millky95 from the Bears was eighth on 49, Frothies Mcveigh and Pie 4 Life were tied in sixth place on 51 each, fitzroybowiedog and PhenomenalV1 were tied in fourth place on 52, moginie joined Braklet as joint runners up on 56. But the winner of the Little Whistle in season 38 is cats_09 on a massive 61 frees for! Congrats cats, here's your miniature novelty trophy!

Now to the Big Spoon, the award given to the player who conceded the most free kicks. The person who conceded the most had a five kick gap over the next best (or worst) player, however there is a clause in the rules which prevents said person from receiving individual gongs in this competition. Quite the shame, as I... I mean they would have had two Big Spoons and one Little Spoon, but that's the way the crumble cookies. So here's the top 10:

In equal eighth place on 23 frees against are PhenomenalV1 (making the top 10 in both Spoon counts) and the Dragon duo of Ljp86 & Pickitt. In equal sixth one kick ahead are Demon rookie p4p1 and Hawk veteran SM, while Wonder Giant YoYo was fifth on 25 and Furie co-boss omgfridge finished in fourth place on 26.

Another Hawk in Loonerty (who won the inaugural Little Spoon in season 29) conceded two frees in round 18 to finish on 27. This leaves OOB empress Mrs Turbo remaining. She could only manage one qumpire indiscretion in the final round of season 38, but that was enough to be level with Loons in second place and, thanks to the previously disclosed rule, means that for the third season we have joint winners of the Big Spoon!

Congrats to you both, here are your miniature novelty trophies.