Dad jokes - add yours

[krakouers]

How do you get 100 maths teachers into a room that fits 99?

You carry the one

 

[kool kangas]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]

 

[Luke72]

What happened to the dwarf who walked under a mini skirt?

He got a crack to the head and a box around the ears

 

[kool kangas]

 

[krakouers]

Someone keeps sending me celery


I think I’m being stalked…

 

[krakouers]

Someone was selling a pair of dead canaries on eBay…

They weren’t going cheep

 

[krakouers]

 

[Reagan Smash]

The Islamic State is going into the anti dandruff shampoo business.
Their product is called, Shoulders.

 

[gokangas]

Paddy was cutting down a tree with a chainsaw when he slipped and cut off all his fingers. His mate put him in a car and drove him to hospital. The doctor looked at his hand and said did you bring all the fingers so we can sew them back on? No, said Paddy. I couldn't pick them up.

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

NASA are taking the piss here aren't they?

 

[krakouers]

philreich

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

View attachment 1876998

philreich

My neighbours got an invite to France... Well, they said they found a french letter in their mailbox with "come" in it... Or something like that.

 

[big_e]

 

[big_e]

The period between Christmas and New Year's should be called the Merrineum.

 

[andana]

We have a new neighbour. He is psychic. He can tell you exactly when and where you will die.
He is a hit man.

He's very generous. He gives my kids ten dollars every morning just for starting his car for him.

 

[gokangas]

Bed bugs infest beds and fruit flies infest fruit. No wonder I am so scared of cockroaches.

 

[ferball]

I'd be more worried about utensilroaches.

 

[kool kangas]

 

[rickety]