Dad jokes - add yours

[Bertie22]

Was Tutankhamen a mummy's boy?

 

[gokangas]

My wife bought me a camouflage shirt for Christmas. Its really a good one. I hung it in my wardrobe and now I can’t find it.

 

[Bigeasy]

My wife bought me a camouflage shirt for Christmas. Its really a good one. I hung it in my wardrobe and now I can’t find it.

The wardrobe or shirt?

 

[gokangas]

A bloke walks into a library and asks the librarian if she has any books on paranoia. "They're right behind you", she replies.

 

[Snake_Baker]

What's the difference between Dad and an apple pie?

 

[Mav]

To make something shit better, can't we just give victims of the Coronavirus a slice of lemon?

 

[gokangas]

To make something shit better, can't we just give victims of the Coronavirus a slice of lemon?

Lime ffs.

 

[Luke72]

What's the difference between Dad and an apple pie?

I suspect I'll regret this but I'll bite...
I dunno what is the difference between Dad and an apple pie?

 

[Bertie22]

How do monkeys make toast?

Stick some bread under the gorilla.

 

[Val Keating]

 

[Hojuman]

What do you call a cow who plays the piano ?




A " moosician "

 

[KiwiRoo]

What do you call a cow who plays the piano ?




A " moosician "

That's bad ! But my daughter liked it..so its hit the brief.Carry on...

 

[DaveyBoy123]

That's bad ! But my daughter liked it..so its hit the brief.Carry on...

If this is the determining factor for dad jokes, then my 6 year old likes:

What do you call friends on a boat?

A friendship.

 

[gokangas]

Apparently if you buy cabbage at Coles you are also obliged to buy carrot and mayo. Its ColesLaw.

(Thanks Hun)

 

[Bertie22]

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

Dam.

 

[Tectonic]

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

Dam.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?


Fshh

 

[ferball]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?


Fshh

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

 

[Tectonic]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Y'know, I have no idea

 

[gokangas]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

NFI.

 

[ferball]

A deer...

Obviously

NFI.

Celibate deer with no eyes iirc.

 

[Falconista]

I was telling my mate about how I alphabetised the spice rack over the weekend. He asked 'where do you find the time?'
I responded, 'between the sage and the turmeric'

 

[KiwiRoo]

This thread is going nicely downhill

 

[The Dingrel]

This thread is going nicely downhill

you mean like the greek skydiver, condescending?

 

[The Dingrel]

just heard a couple of shockers at work:

Why Dont Tuna swim north of Townsville??
....to avoid ending up in Ca(ir)ns.

Did you hear about the worker who got caught in the re-furbishing machine?
...He's fully recovered.

 

[Mav]

you mean like the greek skydiver, condescending?

Not that bad, more like the dwarf prisoner going down the stairs, a little condescending.