Dad jokes - add yours

[big_e]

View attachment 1846587

 

[Orange Peanut]

At an amusement park recently, 3 people were injured on the Peek a Boo ride.
They were taken to the ICU.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Bertie22]

One for the oldies...apologies to anyone under 60.

An elf will never drive a Mini Moke because medical authorities warn that moking is an elf hazard.

 

[kool kangas]

My wife said to me "l hate myself because l look fat" Can you give me a compliment?

l said " You have perfect eyesight honey"

 

[krakouers]

I tried to make a joke about retired people but none of them work

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon.
“A bacon tree! We are saved!” He says
He runs up to the tree and is shot with bullets
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

 

[krakouers]

A paid $200 for a belt that doesn’t fit.
It was a huge waist

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]

 

[kool kangas]

 

[kool kangas]

 

[big_e]

Scene from my house this morning.

The Small E: Dad, did you know that Adam Cerra's birthday is only two days after mine?

Me: Wow, he's a pretty good footballer for someone who's only 8 years old.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Bertie22]

What happens if a bomb is dropped into a bowl of Alphabet soup?

It could spell disaster!

 

[kool kangas]

 

[Samsquanch]

What's blue and not heavy?

Spoiler

Light blue

What's the scariest plant in the jungle?

Spoiler

Bamboo!

What's 10 metres long and has 12 teeth?

Spoiler

The Collingwood cheer squad bus.

 

[Samsquanch]

I was a bit surprised last week on my birthday when my lesbian friends bought me a really nice gold Rolex for my birthday.

After thinking about it for while, I realised that they must have been confused when I told them I wanna watch!

 

[kool kangas]

 

[ferball]

The last one made me laugh out loud.

 

[Samsquanch]

The last one made me laugh out loud.

An oldie but a goodie.