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Health Depression

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Hey legends. Haven't posted here in a while; was doing pretty well.

Got in better shape, started making decent money, achieved some goals in life I wanted to, got off the drugs, stopped drinking... Then, started trying to date. Boy has this been humiliating and completely soul-crushing. If any of you are on the Tinder thread you may have seen my post. I'm okay looking, no Tom Hardy but not Clayton Oliver ugly - I knew that the average guy like myself doesn't get a whole lot of luck with online dating, but I didn't think I'd go an entire month without a single like or match on 3 different apps. It's extremely disheartening and it's almost impossible for it not to effect you.

The worst part is that all my friends are married or with kids so I have no one to go out with to even meet girls. I work from home so I can't meet anyone at work and my hobbies are all male dominated. I can feel the depression creeping its ugly head in.

I've never experienced casual dating, never been hit on, never had a friends with benefits, one night stand etc. and at this stage I feel like I'm bound to be unwanted. I think at this point I might just give up.

I don't understand it. Not ugly, near 6'0, 6 figure income, in pretty good shape. It's been heartbreaking though. Not what I thought would happen.
 
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The apps suck and for a bunch of reasons set men in particular up for failure - best thing for your mental health is to delete them and try to meet people through more traditional means

Join a social group, take up a mixed gender team sport, find some hobbies that are less male-dominated, ask your married friends to introduce you to their single friends (male and female). Don't specifically go hunting for women (you'll get a rep as the creepy guy) - just try and shift your social circles so that they better reflect your interests and life situation. If you as a single person are regularly having fun with other single people, you are going to give yourself a much higher chance of forming some good quality connections than trying to get women to pick your photo out of a sea of thousands of men.

Safely sitting behind a screen in your pyjamas and swiping right until you find a match seems attractive - but the end of the day there is no cheat code to dating. You have to meet people, and you have to get to know them, and you have to give them an opportunity to get to know you. That involves time, effort and the risk of putting yourself out there.

Apps that promise to find you a relationship with no time/effort/risk are basically the romantic equivalent of get-rich-quick schemes. You might get lucky but your chances are way better if you put in the hard yards.
 
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Caesar said:
The apps suck and for a bunch of reasons set men in particular up for failure - best thing for your mental health is to delete them and try to meet people through more traditional means

Join a social group, take up a mixed gender team sport, find some hobbies that are less male-dominated, ask your married friends to introduce you to their single friends (male and female). Don't specifically go hunting for women (you'll get a rep as the creepy guy) - just try and shift your social circles so that they better reflect your interests and life situation. If you as a single person are regularly having fun with other single people, you are going to give yourself a much higher chance of forming some good quality connections than trying to get women to pick your photo out of a sea of thousands of men.

Safely sitting behind a screen in your pyjamas and swiping right until you find a match seems attractive - but the end of the day there is no cheat code to dating. You have to meet people, and you have to get to know them, and you have to give them an opportunity to get to know you. That involves time, effort and the risk of putting yourself out there.

Apps that promise to find you a relationship with no time/effort/risk are basically the romantic equivalent of get-rich-quick schemes. You might get lucky but your chances are way better if you put in the hard yards.
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This is all true, although for me, I was on a particular dating site for 10 years, I then met someone who I married 2 years later and now we have a 5 year old together.

So, they can work, but it can be a long process with disappointments galore.
 
i think iv'e asked before but has anyone tried the Lions mane mushroom tablets before, it's meant to help with anxiety and mental health, research has been very positive with rats and mice but not alot of human based analysis. I don't think my antidepressants are doing anything anymore, maybe i should up the dosage but am thinking i need to try something else after almost 10 years on this one tablet
 
MP_ said:
i think iv'e asked before but has anyone tried the Lions mane mushroom tablets before, it's meant to help with anxiety and mental health, research has been very positive with rats and mice but not alot of human based analysis. I don't think my antidepressants are doing anything anymore, maybe i should up the dosage but am thinking i need to try something else after almost 10 years on this one tablet
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No, but I’ve taken ashwaghanda and it improved my anxiety heaps although it makes me feel numb
 
Butters and Pepper said:
This is all true, although for me, I was on a particular dating site for 10 years, I then met someone who I married 2 years later and now we have a 5 year old together.

So, they can work, but it can be a long process with disappointments galore.
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yeah I think it comes down to the person really

some people can treat it as just an extra avenue to potentially match with someone

for me I met a couple of really nice women, but overall it was doing more to hurt than help my chances - the extra matches weren't worth the damage it did to my confidence interacting with women (let alone the overall hit to my self-esteem/enjoyment of life)

I also think that spending too long on the apps can get pretty toxic - because the software lets you interact with so many more potential partners than you do in real life, it can start to become your default view of dating and the opposite sex in general. Anecdotally I see it with my friends who are long-term online daters - they develop such low opinions of the opposite gender, and everyone they meet gets treated on the basis of whether or not they are a sexual prospect.

but maybe I am just old-fashioned
 
Cuzz09 said:
I think it's more important to be able to be happy by yourself first.
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Everyone always says this but I think it is a balance

Being in a relationship involves hard work and compromise, particularly as you get older and have developed more of an independent self. If you are genuinely happy being alone, it can be difficult to find the motivation to open yourself up to sharing a life. Certainly I have caused good relationships with good women to fizzle out because fundamentally, I did not dislike being single enough at that time to give the relationship a chance. It was not until I genuinely felt there was something missing in my life that I started to let them in.

For me it is more relative - i.e. you don't have to be happy by yourself, but you need to have the self-esteem to know that you're capable of being alone - and even though it sucks it's far better than a bad relationship, or a relationship with the wrong person.
 
I've been doing alot of thinking about my life lately and what i would change if i were to live my life again and i wondered whether i would have been better to stay single. I've been married to an amazing lady for 17 years, 3 great kids but i don't think i'm a good husband, father, son and brother. I think my mental health has probably been a detriment to all the relationships in my life. The pain and hurt i've caused makes me think i should be single next time round as i love these people too much but hurt them at the same time. I'm very much a loner , i struggle to retain friends as i'm a recluse. wish i could translate my friendly loving online persona into the real world.
 

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St 07 said:
Anyone tried cymbalta?
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went on it about a year ago, bckgrnd im treatment resistant, i also have some spinal issues and it has been approved as an antiinflamm among other things so thought hmmm, once more round the block?

12 m9nths later, i am currently weaning off it and i stress all this is my experience, compounds work differently for everyone.

the side eff were pretty low key but got worse the longer i took it. won't go into specifics happy to answer tho.

the positives:

first snri had tried (ssri's dont do anything for me) after probs 7 years off prescription treatment, and there was:

- definitely an improvement in my ability to move through emotions a little more fluidly

- less prone to despair

-slight improvement in SI

-really marginal osteoarthritis relief

but i would say the honeymoon period limped in at about 6 to 8 week mark and lasted about 12 weeks.

just noticed a distinct distance from everything creeping in and in the end i made a call, benefits need to be better than i can get self-medicating if I'm gonna have some pretty annoying and no feedback received side effects.

which brings me to today. I'm eating about 10 or 12 grains out of a 60mg cap twice a day, being very cautious now cos i might havr tried to kick it a bit quick and i had a pretty woeful week, mental and physical symptoms very intense.

i dunno bout you mate but i would rather hear all i can on a med before i make decision.

typin on ph, really bad at it so gonna sign off im happy to continue discussion on duloxetine just cbf typing anymore right now.

good luck take care
 
I'm going through a really bad breakup at the moment.

I'm already on medicine for manic depression so that's probably why I haven't gone off the deep end but I just feel so lost and confused. Like I'm not human anymore, just a shell.

I hate feeling angry and humiliated. Been going into work 2 hours early every day because I just don't know what to do.

I feel pathetic for breaking into tears all the time.

Just don't know what to do anymore.
 
Feraligatr said:
I'm going through a really bad breakup at the moment.

I'm already on medicine for manic depression so that's probably why I haven't gone off the deep end but I just feel so lost and confused. Like I'm not human anymore, just a shell.

I hate feeling angry and humiliated. Been going into work 2 hours early every day because I just don't know what to do.

I feel pathetic for breaking into tears all the time.

Just don't know what to do anymore.
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It’s ok to let those emotions out mate, shows you’re human and not pathetic at all. I cry a lot I just don’t let anyone see it. Do you have anyone close to talk to about how you’re feeling? Do you have a psychologist you could book in with even just the doctors if you’re not feeling mentally well. A break up is a big event and you will go through all sorts of feelings but you need to remember they aren’t permanent feelings.
 
MP_ said:
It’s ok to let those emotions out mate, shows you’re human and not pathetic at all. I cry a lot I just don’t let anyone see it. Do you have anyone close to talk to about how you’re feeling? Do you have a psychologist you could book in with even just the doctors if you’re not feeling mentally well. A break up is a big event and you will go through all sorts of feelings but you need to remember they aren’t permanent feelings.
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I'm trying to get into my GP to get a new mental health plan but because my GP is a really caring doctor he is always booked up.

I ended up taking today off work and with my rdo tomorrow it gives me some time to myself. I've realised trying to push through the pain but it's making it worse.
 
Feraligatr said:
I'm trying to get into my GP to get a new mental health plan but because my GP is a really caring doctor he is always booked up.

I ended up taking today off work and with my rdo tomorrow it gives me some time to myself. I've realised trying to push through the pain but it's making it worse.
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you can't get an emergency appointment , i know our doctors can squeeze you in if its mental health issues or at least put you on a waiting list if an appointment is cancelled.
Are there things you can do like hobbies just to take your mind off things for a bit, i listen to music or i'll do art or photography as it allows me to concentrate on that rather than what has been happening. if you have pets go play with them amazing how my dogs can just make you feel better if only for a short while it at least keeps the negativity away for a bit.
 
MP_ said:
you can't get an emergency appointment , i know our doctors can squeeze you in if its mental health issues or at least put you on a waiting list if an appointment is cancelled.
Are there things you can do like hobbies just to take your mind off things for a bit, i listen to music or i'll do art or photography as it allows me to concentrate on that rather than what has been happening. if you have pets go play with them amazing how my dogs can just make you feel better if only for a short while it at least keeps the negativity away for a bit.
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Both my cats have been stuck to me like glue.

At the moment my girl is snuggled up in my lap and my boy is tearing the house apart and pulling everything out of the recycling bin to find cat food tins.

It's too cute for me to have the energy to stop him at the moment.
 

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Read this article today and I'm hoping it might be a turning point for me

A huge part of my depression is based on how i feel about myself, since i was 16 i have hated how i look as ive been overweight, iwas teased constantly at high school and throughout life. I wasn't even huge as kid nor as an adult but the constant fat jokes over a 30 year period do take their toll. i've been on diets , weight loss clinics, ive lost weight and put it all back on countless amounts of times, but i definitely felt better and had minimal mental health problems when i was more comfortable in how i looked. i left a great job 6 months ago for a new even better job yet my mental health has detiorated, why?? because this new job has me less active and i've put on 8kg in that time :-( . i struggle to find motivation to exercise and the determination to do it. i need to start doing it as i think clearly my weight is the key to my mental health problems.
 
Feraligatr said:
I'm going through a really bad breakup at the moment.

I'm already on medicine for manic depression so that's probably why I haven't gone off the deep end but I just feel so lost and confused. Like I'm not human anymore, just a shell.

I hate feeling angry and humiliated. Been going into work 2 hours early every day because I just don't know what to do.

I feel pathetic for breaking into tears all the time.

Just don't know what to do anymore.
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Never feel pathetic for being emotional over a breakup. Especially if it was long term. That shit hurts. My 18yr relationship ended 18 months ago. I was a mess for a bit, but you just have to find something to get your mind off it. Go out, go on walks, go on a hike, surround yourself with people that love you and try your hardest to never look back
 
MP_ said:
you can't get an emergency appointment , i know our doctors can squeeze you in if its mental health issues or at least put you on a waiting list if an appointment is cancelled.
Are there things you can do like hobbies just to take your mind off things for a bit, i listen to music or i'll do art or photography as it allows me to concentrate on that rather than what has been happening. if you have pets go play with them amazing how my dogs can just make you feel better if only for a short while it at least keeps the negativity away for a bit.
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Forget doctors or maybe find a good one. The medical system will let you down time and time again
 
Feraligatr said:
I'm going through a really bad breakup at the moment.

I'm already on medicine for manic depression so that's probably why I haven't gone off the deep end but I just feel so lost and confused. Like I'm not human anymore, just a shell.

I hate feeling angry and humiliated. Been going into work 2 hours early every day because I just don't know what to do.

I feel pathetic for breaking into tears all the time.

Just don't know what to do anymore.
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So do I and feel like I've wasted and butchered my life thou parts were done for me.
Anyway good you're going to work. Keep doing it if possible. Have no ****ing idea what you do but if you enjoy and are able to it. It's important to have a good structure
 

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