Health Depression

[perthblue]

I think part of the problem today is there is a collective delusion that life is about being happy so if you're not happy then you're failing. I think life is about feeling and accepting the whole gamut of human emotions.

Like, if I walked into work bawling my eyes out it would be a problem for everyone in the office (not for me because i love crying as it releases stuff. Not being able to cry is like not being able to orgasm - i'm in trouble, ie. depressed, if i cannot cry). Point being that people want to save or fix someone when they are crying because crying undermines this bullshit notion that we are supposed to be happy all the time.

Repression is the sociably acceptable thing to do. I grew up in a family that would say "don't cry" - which is a ridiculous thing to say to a child or to anyone. I cry all the time and even the other day i was on the phone to my mum and she said, "don't cry" - I was like, "don't tell me not to cry, i like crying, it releases stuff". I feel pretty good after a good cry.

When my friend passed away, i wrote a post on fb, which consisted of a nice tribute to my friend and how blessed i was to have had her in my life. This woman, whom i've met once in my life, responded with something along the lines of 'your friend would want you to be happy - blah blah blah' and proceeded to lecture me on what life is about and what i should be doing.

I had to restrain myself.

It was such an irritating response because she doesn't know me and certainly has never met my friend and from my experience my friend would want me to honour whatever it is that i'm feeling. Happiness is one emotion, grief, sadness, jealousy, joy, anger etc are all valid emotions that require a healthy outlet too.

After my friend died sometimes i would all of a sudden want to scream, whether it be on a crowded train or kick the shit out of a photocopier at work. I was experiencing intense pain that needed an outlet.

Another friend told me that she house sat in this remote location and screamed for an entire weekend. One day i sent her a text which said "where did you go to scream and how long did you scream for?" She laughed and said, only you would send a text like this.

The hippy culture have this annoying positivity and rainbows mentality (which is prevalent in mainstream society too i think). I see them post shit on fb in a desperate attempt to hide their less pleasant feelings and it is just making them feel worse.

I'm posting an article which talks about the dangers of suppressing emotions but also want to add that crying in public should be more sociably acceptable and this is one area of life where I think males have it much tougher than females.

http://kellybroganmd.com/what-is-your-greatest-cancer-risk/?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=Kelly Brogan MD - Holistic Psychiatrist

I think we are very lucky to be able to experience a full range of emotions. That something could hurt us so much that it makes us cry uncontrollably, or that something could piss us off so much that we break something, that something could make us so happy that all of our problems temporarily melt away into nothingness, it's what being a human is all about. Of course there needs to be an element of control, we can't walk around being slaves to every emotion or impulse, but you're right in that there is too much emphasis on constantly thinking positive and smiling and being upbeat, as if being upset or angry or sorrowful is a grotesque scar that needs to be shamefully covered up.

You can't win though. All you see when you go anywhere in public, work, uni etc etc is people putting on an act. Being bubbly and talking in unnaturally high and pleasant tones, there isn't much room to navigate for someone who doesn't have the energy to pretend anymore, so you feel outcast, which just makes you feel worse.

 

[Lemma]

Well put. The ability to feel emotion, empathy and pain is the only thing that makes us different to robots these days

 

[nicky]

I think we are very lucky to be able to experience a full range of emotions. That something could hurt us so much that it makes us cry uncontrollably, or that something could piss us off so much that we break something, that something could make us so happy that all of our problems temporarily melt away into nothingness, it's what being a human is all about. Of course there needs to be an element of control, we can't walk around being slaves to every emotion or impulse, but you're right in that there is too much emphasis on constantly thinking positive and smiling and being upbeat, as if being upset or angry or sorrowful is a grotesque scar that needs to be shamefully covered up.

You can't win though. All you see when you go anywhere in public, work, uni etc etc is people putting on an act. Being bubbly and talking in unnaturally high and pleasant tones, there isn't much room to navigate for someone who doesn't have the energy to pretend anymore, so you feel outcast, which just makes you feel worse.

So true.

Also, for intuitive types or those of us that can see through bullshit, it is obvious when someone is pretending to be happy and positive.

 

[Coolangatta]

One of the things that put me off psychology is that as a practice its core belief is that there is something wrong with the individual and they need fixing. It doesn't take into account economic, cultural, and social factors. In theory, yes, but not so much in practice. As for positive psychology, I couldn't agree more with everything you said nicky. The good vibes, feel good crowd can **** right off. Besides, can anyone define happiness? What does that really mean? Is it attainable, and if so, is it sustainable, and would sustaining it be a good thing? I look around the world and my answer is: **** no it isn't.

 

[nicky]

I for one would fully support you. In fact I half feel like crying myself having to roll out of bed for another shit day. Agree with your last sentence. I fully support your right to cry, do it but just don't expect me to respond/do anything. You just be and so will I.

I will add one more thing. The need to be constantly motivated. Like ra ra ra take on the world. I don't feel like taking on the world. I'm only getting up tomorrow because I have to. I would just rather roll out of bed at 11 when I feel like it and not have to worry about another day in the world.

Atleast you're honest and you would probably feel better if you had more people around you being honest about how they really feel.

Sometimes just declaring the shitness provides space for the shit feelings to move. Our society is so uptight and repressed there is a strong pressure for us to be these shiny, happy go-getters, and like you said, we don't freakin feel like it.

I'm a little fortunate in that i have a few friends that feel the same way as we do which is a nice validation.

But yeah "happiness" - what is it anyway? Sustainable happiness is a pipe dream. You can feel, balanced, even, relaxed and laid back but shit things are going to happen whether you're "happy" or not and sometimes you might just feel bad with no explanation and I really feel like we live in a society that only wants the good times.

Since my friend died there was a strong sense of having a time limit in which i should "get over it". For some friends it was a week, others it was a little longer. However, 11 months later i still cry about it every day, i just don't tell people about it because the topic is depressing and i don't want to bring them down, and the topic CLEARLY makes most people feel very uncomfortable.

I can see how depression can actually cause isolation because, sad feelings just don't fit into this society, they go against the grain.

I feel hypersensitive which i used to hate but now I see it as a gift because when I feel really bad in someone's presence, but can't articulate why, i remove myself from there. Whereas prior to this i used to think there must be something wrong with me. I think that there is an element of people like you (and others in this thread) that have an ability to feel other peoples repressed feelings, which is unpleasant (for us). However I'm working towards knowing what is mine and what isn't. Like i could feel fantastic and then have lunch with someone who is all "happy happy happy" and walk away feeling like shit. Like, did I just unwittingly absorb some of their repressed negative feelings?

I just wish people would own their feelings, rather than make out everything is great.

ps. Good feelings exist, but our ability to feel them correlates with our ability to navigate (ie. not repress) the bad feelings. So people pretending to be happy all the time are full of shit.

 

[Mootsy]

cut out alcohol...well getting drunk, binge drinking etc... the strain alcohol has on mental heath is underestimated

exercise frequently and eat right.... walking out of the gym after vigorous exercise you should feel a million dollars

get a good nights sleep

hang around with good people

have goals and work towards them

This is a highly underrated post...

I'd say it's almost the magic formula..
I would maybe include, try to discover your true self and hobbies as well, whether it's playing music, reading certain magazines, reading e-books, whatever that array is.

 

[craigos]

One of the things that put me off psychology is that as a practice its core belief is that there is something wrong with the individual and they need fixing. It doesn't take into account economic, cultural, and social factors. In theory, yes, but not so much in practice. As for positive psychology, I couldn't agree more with everything you said nicky. The good vibes, feel good crowd can **** right off. Besides, can anyone define happiness? What does that really mean? Is it attainable, and if so, is it sustainable, and would sustaining it be a good thing? I look around the world and my answer is: **** no it isn't.

A lot of emphasis in psychology is put on factors that are outside ones control, be it environment, socio-economic etc etc. I can't comment as I haven't worked in a Psychology practice but as a 2nd year student I think a lot of the study is not blaming the individual but trying to instill mechanisms in which they can use to cope in certain situations.

I kinds of get what you're saying but clearly a lot of people have issues that can be helped and can improve their life, saying that the core belief is that there is something wrong with the individual is kind of pointless. Obviously if someone is depressed and struggling in life then there is something wrong with them but that simplifies the whole issue and gives it a bad stigma kind of feeling.You can be sad and not depressed, you can have thoughts about mortality and not be suicidal.

If you go to the GP for an illness there is something wrong with you, so not sure what point you're trying to make here is.

 

[Run n Spread]

http://kellybroganmd.com/what-is-your-greatest-cancer-risk/?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=Kelly Brogan MD - Holistic Psychiatrist

3 Things about the link: And just my opinion so take with a grain of salt:

1) I had the flu recently. The real flu. It was horrible. But I caught the Germ. And as sure as shit as you can catch the flu/Bacteria/The Black Plague anything else physical from anyone else you can sure as shit catch their mood and Psychological distress.

2) Cancer. Do not get chemothreapy. Cancer means your immune system is ****ed. Get treatment/diagnosis however bad by all means. But chemo etc is poison. If you wouldn't risk a healthy person why a cancer patient?

3) Stress. I would say that is the no 1 cause of illness/disease. It is bad. Curing is far far easier said then done thou.

 

[Run n Spread]

A lot of emphasis in psychology is put on factors that are outside ones control, be it environment, socio-economic etc etc. I can't comment as I haven't worked in a Psychology practice but as a 2nd year student I think a lot of the study is not blaming the individual but trying to instill mechanisms in which they can use to cope in certain situations.

I kinds of get what you're saying but clearly a lot of people have issues that can be helped and can improve their life, saying that the core belief is that there is something wrong with the individual is kind of pointless. Obviously if someone is depressed and struggling in life then there is something wrong with them but that simplifies the whole issue and gives it a bad stigma kind of feeling.You can be sad and not depressed, you can have thoughts about mortality and not be suicidal.

If you go to the GP for an illness there is something wrong with you, so not sure what point you're trying to make here is.

Psychology = The Study of Behaviour. That is all. Now I find it fascinating as a science and how people behave. Probs not the best for Mental Illness.

If someone is truly crazy and off the charts (and we've all been there) then yeah treat away within reason. But if otherwise rational like any adult let them live their own lives and make their own decisions.

 

[craigos]

Psychology = The Study of Behaviour. That is all. Now I find it fascinating as a science and how people behave. Probs not the best for Mental Illness.

If someone is truly crazy and off the charts (and we've all been there) then yeah treat away within reason. But if otherwise rational like any adult let them live their own lives and make their own decisions.

Psychology is not the best for mental illness but if someone is crazy then it is? For real, you realise mental illness is a sliding scale, not you have it or you don't? Not sure what it has to do with people living their own lives, Psychologist aren't knocking door to door to try and recruit people. People approach them for a number of reasons, if you're looking for a Psychologist to have some magic answer to solve all your problems then you're going to be disappointed. Same as you would be seeing a Psychiatrist and seeking a solution to all your issues in a little white pill.

 

[ryzza11]

I agree with the sentiments here that there is a strong perception that you have to feel happy, or at least appear happy. I log onto social media and see everyone so happy and 'winning' at life. The media also encourage this appeal of appearing to be 'winning'.
It's something I've really struggled with understanding.
I've finally started seeing a counsellor who I click with and he has helped me kind of gain a better perspective about this. It's possibly people trying to cope in their own way, finding comfort in appearing happy.
Maybe they genuinely are always happy. It causes problems though, maybe I'm cynical, maybe I can see through the veil.
The damaging and distressing part is that it kind of has become a trend and I wonder what's next.

 

[Lemma]

The thing about social media is that it is completely unrealistic. People only post good things. It's like watching only the highlights of a footy game- you only see the great goal that Buddy kicked on the run, you don't see all the times the ball was turned over before that.

 

[WCErevival]

Social media is rubbish if you take it too seriously. Chasing constant happiness is impossible too. Everyone has their down periods no matter how great their life looks.

A good book I read recently if anyone is interested was the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. Explains that life is always up and down and how to deal with it better. Found it actually useful and realistic compared to the normal self help stuff around. Was recommended to me when I was going through a tough patch.

 

[Angus Young]

I've posted on here a number of times and have made positive changes to my life that have worked for me.

Change of work and outlook on life plus reconnecting with things I love have helped. Plus appreciating what I have instead of what I want in life.

If anyone who is doing it tough wants to chat feel free to pm me. It's often easier to chat to a person in private. Especially a stranger.

Some of the posters comments I've read lately has made me concerned for their wellbeing. Remember their are people out there prepared to help you.

Peace

solid.

lots of us are never happy with what we have and always want more. And this mindset causes anxiety, stress and depression.

it's important to stop each day and be grateful for what we have. From bloody hot water to a car.

 

[jedi mind tricks]

solid.

lots of us are never happy with what we have and always want more. And this mindset causes anxiety, stress and depression.

it's important to stop each day and be grateful for what we have. From bloody hot water to a car.

Yes mate exactly

 

[Run n Spread]

solid.

lots of us are never happy with what we have and always want more. And this mindset causes anxiety, stress and depression.

it's important to stop each day and be grateful for what we have. From bloody hot water to a car.

Don't think this at all. Life can be tough. Yes we should all be grateful for Water, Food, Transport, Shelter etc but these are not always easy to obtain (as in it means interacting with the world). Now take me. Other day laid up with a weird case of nerves/anxiety which I don't normally get. Could barely twitch or turn over in bed, let alone face the world. Just couldn't do it. And it was the worse possible day to hit the wall.

All you can do is try live life on your own terms and turn the wheel round.

 

[Run n Spread]

Social media is rubbish if you take it too seriously. Chasing constant happiness is impossible too. Everyone has their down periods no matter how great their life looks.

A good book I read recently if anyone is interested was the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. Explains that life is always up and down and how to deal with it better. Found it actually useful and realistic compared to the normal self help stuff around. Was recommended to me when I was going through a tough patch.

True only problem is you can't predict when it will go up or down. Just have to white knuckle it at times. Social Media is OK but I'm really only on this site. Facebook occassionally don't bother with the others.

 

[GotTheGoodes]

Social media is rubbish if you take it too seriously. Chasing constant happiness is impossible too. Everyone has their down periods no matter how great their life looks.

A good book I read recently if anyone is interested was the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. Explains that life is always up and down and how to deal with it better. Found it actually useful and realistic compared to the normal self help stuff around. Was recommended to me when I was going through a tough patch.

This.

Peoples lives aren't always what they seem. Sometimes they misreprestent themselves online & unless I really know them (i.e. on more than 1 level, be it physically, emotionally, mentally, sipritually etc) then I can never really take what they project online as being "it". I'm always cynical... There has to be more. There always is. Humans are not & never will be that one layer you see. You need to feel, hear & understand them from more than one angle to know them IMO.

Social media gives you a very limited, controlled view. Meet them. Talk to them. Get to know them. Interact with them in more than one way.

A friend of mine once told me: "If you can see their faults then you can see them".

I think that works perfectly in terms of social media.

 

[JoondalupJ]

Thanks friends.

I get bad side effects with all the stuff I've been on.


I'm on these things that taste like orange lollies now.


Still feel shit though.

My doctor recvkons it's more of a self esteem thing.

I did lousy at school so couldn't afford the brains to get a real job and have a nice car etc.etc.

My drums were my way out but now they're getting replaced by machines,that part of me has died too.

Sick of playing for bands where the guitarist comes in and tells you what beat to play after making one up on his computer.


Soul is being sucked out of the music.

Just feel like I'm at a dead end and the world aint getting better.

Life is a lottery.

You either get born with brains and get all the spoils in life or the other way and you are the ridicule of people and struggle all the time.


Doesn't seem fair IMO.

Drums and real music , it will always be around forever, soul and real music is still here , got to look for it, get playing those drums, this world really is stuffed if we don't get some real sound back into our lives instead of techno stuff.
I wasn't much chop at school either, that doesn't make you worse or better mate it just makes you and me and millions of others.
I love music and I couldn't play drums to save my life, but you can.
Just keep walking through life , you'll be able too, life is a lottery , just do your best but you are worth everything to others , and to yourself as well.
I have suffered from a chronic OCD, which brings on depression , the pill side of things, they really helped , because OCD can feel like your mind is going round in circles , concentration is messed up, the pills help you to stop the circles, so going off them for me is probably not an option for me, my problem is worrying irrational thoughts inside my head , trying to clean my mind up, is hard work , I don't keep cleaning things or checking constantly , which I think is something the OCD mainstream suffer from.
So now I'm OK, but I still cop the sadness, the black dog , for no reason, just sad, now that is a weird thing, but mate , you get through , and if you can't on a given day , find someone to talk to or do something , join a band play that music. The world is OK .
Don't watch to much news either, most of it is journo beat up and not true!

 

[AM]

Must admit to not being a huge fan of Danny Frawley's media persona but have to admire the manner in which he opened-up about his battle with depression in the Hamish McLachlan interview. Well done 'Spud'

https://player.whooshkaa.com/episode?id=147947

 

[JoondalupJ]

Must admit to not being a huge fan of Danny Frawley's media persona but have to admire the manner in which he opened-up about his battle with depression in the Hamish McLachlan interview. Well done 'Spud'

https://player.whooshkaa.com/episode?id=147947

Frawley is a gem. Love his character on the Bounce. Good on him.

 

[Run n Spread]

Didn't relate (obviously to much of what Frawley) said but can relate completely to just utterly hitting the wall.

Also there is very much a stigma attached. Could anyone really trust an employer/etc to say I need a week off because of ..............

Tips for arresting a slide before life veers out of control.

 

[Run n Spread]

I agree with the sentiments here that there is a strong perception that you have to feel happy, or at least appear happy. I log onto social media and see everyone so happy and 'winning' at life. The media also encourage this appeal of appearing to be 'winning'.
It's something I've really struggled with understanding.
I've finally started seeing a counsellor who I click with and he has helped me kind of gain a better perspective about this. It's possibly people trying to cope in their own way, finding comfort in appearing happy.
Maybe they genuinely are always happy. It causes problems though, maybe I'm cynical, maybe I can see through the veil.
The damaging and distressing part is that it kind of has become a trend and I wonder what's next.

I cope in my own way. But everyone judges you for it. So I tend to keep to myself at times.

I myself am genuinely happy at times but also genuinely miserable and stressed, and when people say what are you so miserable about I feel like saying well x, x, x and x and also y and z.

I don't know if I am depressed. (Probs just tired and stressed and problems at work). And frankly don't want to know or see any Drs.

 

[ryzza11]

I cope in my own way. But everyone judges you for it. So I tend to keep to myself at times.

I myself am genuinely happy at times but also genuinely miserable and stressed, and when people say what are you so miserable about I feel like saying well x, x, x and x and also y and z.

I don't know if I am depressed. (Probs just tired and stressed and problems at work). And frankly don't want to know or see any Drs.

I've got ways I cope as well, and I would feel judged for it too so I don't disclose it to anyone really.
You can only deal with what you have experienced, the worst thing you have been through may appear to someone else as not being as bad as something they have been through. Nonetheless it is still the worst thing you've been through.

I've had bad experiences with doctors, I've broken down and gone to doctors just to be rushed out. One gave me a picture book to take home and read once.

 

[Engimal v3]

Pretty strange to be in a good mindset and look back at times I was really down and the things I was saying to my ex, my other friends, etc. It can always get better, there is going to be a day you won't feel like this anymore.