Favourite Simpsons Quotes

[aesop]

Homer: (to postal clerk) Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Postal Clerk: Okay Mr. Burns, what's your first name?
Homer: I don't know...

 

[Mickey]

Homer to Bart: "Got ya nose"

Bart to Homer: "Got ya wallet" (Flushes toilet)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Homer: Hey that dog has a fluffy tail, here fluff here fluff hee hee hee
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Homer: Dear lady, welcome to dumpsville, population, you!

 

[Mr Chuckles]

Chief Wiggum: And here's the equinox, the horse with the head of a rabbit and the body of....a rabbit. Ooooh look, he's galloping away!

 

[conVINCEd]

I can't remember the scene word for word, but;

Marge: I think something is wrong with Bart.
Homer: Probably his new glasses.
Marge: Bart doesn't have new glasses. It seems like something is bothering him.
Homer: Probably his glasses.
Marge: Maybe I should be spending more time with him, but I don't want to seem like I'm smothering him.
Homer: Yeh, 'cos then we'd get the chair.
Marger: That's not what I meant.
Homer: Admit it, Marge, it was.

 

[jim boy]

Groundskeeper Willie: "Brothers and sisters are natural enemies: like Englishmen and Scots, or Welshmen and Scots, or Japanese and Scots, or Scots and other Scots... damn Scots; they ruined Scotland!
Principal Skinner:"You Scots sure are a contentious people"
GW:"You just made an enemy for life!"

 

[Z_K]

Lisa: "By your logic, I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away!"
Homer: "Oooh, and how does it work?"
Lisa: "It doesn't work!"
Homer: "Aha"
Lisa: "It's just a stupid rock!"
Homer: "Aha"
Lisa: "Well I don't see any tigers around here! Do you?"
Homer: "Lisa, I would like to buy your rock."

______


Marge: "Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you!"
Homer: "Batman?"
Marge: "No, he's a scientist."
Homer: "Batman's a scientist?"

______

Homer's ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get into heaven.
Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores: clean the garage, paint the house...
Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus.

______

Homer: Well Marge, have you ever seen a field glow like that?
Marge: It's eerily beautiful, but are you sure this is safe?
Homer: Of course not. But you know something? Sometimes you have to break the rules to free your heart.
Marge: You got that from a movie poster.
Homer: Well, when there's nothing left to believe in, believe in hope

_______

Homer: Bart, I'm not asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy! You may not realize it now, but when you save a rich guy's life, he showers you with riches! Don't you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?
Bart: Is it a Bible story?
Homer: Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the villagers tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough, so they got Hercules and he used his mighty strength, and bingo! Anyway, the moral is, is that the lion was so happy, that he gave Hercules this big... thing... of riches!
Bart: How did a lion get riches?
Homer: It was the olden days!

_______

Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

________

Homer: Just win that race...I'll deal with those murderous trolls!
Bart: What?
Homer: Oh…I mean…I'll deal with those murderous trolls


________

Bart: What do you need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals.
Homer: Well, maybe if he'd had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught him

 

[lenny&carl]

Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'

 

[PeteLX]

Oh, vengenful one! Show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!
-Homer on house burning down on Sunday when he shoulda been at church.

 

[lenny&carl]

Some more


Kent Brockman: We win again. But the real winners here are Marge's Hors D'Oeuvres.
Homer: How do you come up with such witty remarks?
[focuses in on ear plug/mic]
Guy in the van: I guess you could say its my racket.
Kent Brockman: I guess you could say I'm Iraqi.
Homer: Get off my property.
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Lisa: What's a "Chachi"?

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Ralph: I bent my wookie.

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Homer: Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.

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Homer: I love you Pepsi.

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Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy

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Homer: Sorry, Mr. Burns. I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious. But the answer is no!

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Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

---------------------------------

 

[GoalsFrom50Out]

Originally posted by Jim Boy
Groundskeeper Willie: "Brothers and sisters are natural enemies: like Englishmen and Scots, or Welshmen and Scots, or Japanese and Scots, or Scots and other Scots... damn Scots; they ruined Scotland!
Principal Skinner:"You Scots sure are a contentious people"
GW:"You just made an enemy for life!"

I have wasted far too many hours watching that show

 

[poptiffscherry]

Here's one of my all time favourites that I don't think has been mentioned.

Homer has hit suit on ready for church.

Homer: Hey what's this thing in my pocket Marge.
(Homer pulls out the piece of paper and reads. RIP Frank Grimes.)

Homer: Marge who is Frank Grimes, we didn't know any Frank Grimes did we???

Marge: Yes we did Homer, don't you remember the guy who worked at the power plant who made you his enemy???

Homer: Ohhhhh Grimey, now I remember. Whatever happened to that guy anyway.

 

[pav_is_god]

Groundskeeper Willy: That's the last time you slap your Willy around!

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Skinner: Now chew through my ball sack.

 

[Pantsless]

Originally posted by NICK THE PIE MAN
Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Oooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled.]
Shopkeeper: That's bad.

Love that episode and that quote but just along a little further..

The Evil Krusty Doll is sitting on Homer pulling on his tongue. The repairman walks in and says....wait for it....

"Oh, here's your problem. You've got this doll set to evil"

 

[brampta]

Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus.
[/B]

Another beauty

 

[Weagle8]

There's so many to choose from but I love where Homer is dreaming that he's skipping through a town made completely out of chocolate. He takes a bite of a streetsign, a building, even a chocolate dog, then he runs over to a shop window and says, "mmmmmmm, chocolate half price."

 

[M29]

"Send $1 to Happy dude Evergreeen Terrace."

 

[mung]

"Hey kids, always recycle, to the EXTREME!!!"

"Oh I've wasted my life"

 

[lenny&carl]

Homer answering the phone -
"KBBL gives me the hits!"

 

[FrangaRoo]

Homer: If I had my gun here you wouldnt be saying that

Gunstore Clerk: Yeah...Well you dont.

 

[lenny&carl]

Moe again -

You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.

 

[skylark18]

After Homer woke up from coma on April fools day.

Marge: Homie , you lost 5% of your brain.

Homer: Me lose brain , uh oh.

Family laughs

Homer: Why me laugh?

 

[Karbassiyoon]

"are you saying boo? or boo-urns?" is an enduring classic from the film festival ep.