Family & Relationships How many differences could you put up with?

[DeadlyAkkuret]

It's pretty normal in every relationship to disagree on a few things, have the occasional argument because you have a different view on a particular topic, even something as trivial as who has the best taste in music (Just an example).

My question is how much could/would you put up with before deciding his or her opinions and beliefs conflict too heavily with your own?

I'd assume things like being a vegetarian (inb4 pun about penis/meat), supporting the Greens, rating Lady GaGa or believing war is unnecessary wouldn't be serious deal breakers (Though liking Lady GaGa is pushing it) but what about the extreme side of things?

Could you date and stay attracted to someone who is an avid racist? Not against your own race, obviously.

What about someone in a weird cult? If you didn't feel they were a danger to you how long would you stick it out? (inb4 another pun)

I'm not asking for myself, just so you know. I'm just curious as to where people would draw the line.

 

[Caesar]

I'm pretty relaxed about this sort of stuff. My current girlfriend believes in spirits and fortune tellers and all that crap, which caused me a bit of questioning at first, but now I just sort of humour her. I'd be pretty pissed off if she broke up with me because some gypsy told her she was destined to marry a 6'5" blond guy, but it hasn't come to that yet.

Politics I couldn't give a stuff about, ditto for religion as long as she keeps it to herself. Mostly I don't care about stuff that doesn't impact me - e.g. I don't care if she smokes as long as it's not in my house or car, I don't care if she does drugs as long as she doesn't develop a heroin addiction.

Stuff like racism is interesting. I think it would depend on the type, and that would be tied to other aspects of their personality that would probably be what I like and dislike. For example, like many older people my mother is a fairly benign racist and bigot who it's easy to just smile and shake your head when she says something stupid. A militant racist is probably someone aggressively judgmental and maybe also hateful and vindictive, which are pretty dislikable traits in and of themselves even without the racism.

 

[AsianWithAFro]

I am guess I am a person who can compromise but racism I have no tolerance for. It is unacceptable for me to be with someone if they are like that.

As for politics I think a lot of new I have an affinity to the Liberal Part but in saying that the person doesn't have to be exactly like me but at least share some political views of mine. I don't think I could date a Greeny but if I truly liked the person I could get use to it.

The current girl I am in we don't argue but we have passionate conversations which is good and stimulating for me. One bump which I have to work is if (that's a big IF) we have children then she would them to have a hyphenated last name.

 

[Igloo]

I disagree with my girlfriend on a fair few things. Not things that you can just list, but stuff that comes up in conversation. We never fight about any of it though, so its good. It doesn't bother me what she believes in. She often asks me about the sort of things I believe will happen after death, etc. Those sort of things. Im happy to tell her, and so far (3 years) she has been happy to listen, and take in what I say. It goes the same way, she can tell me what she thinks, whether I agree or not.

Like Caesar, but with my grandma, she is racist, but sort of without realising. She tells me to not drink out of a can without a straw because of people from China touching them, and once when I went to a WWE show, she asked if they had black people mixed in with the whites. A bit behind in the times I think.

*No racist by me at all. Sorry if any offense was taken.

 

[The Norm]

Differences of opinion within the same general sphere of interests is the best scenario ... Provides stimulation and helsp develop respect for the other person.

I'm not particularly into music, but music tastes are an underrated aspect of compatability. If someone has poor taste in music then forget about it.

So in summary ... Differences in opinion is good. Differences in interests are not.

 

[standingroomonly]

Differences of opinion within the same general sphere of interests is the best scenario ... Provides stimulation and helsp develop respect for the other person.

I'm not particularly into music, but music tastes are an underrated aspect of compatability. If someone has poor taste in music then forget about it.

So in summary ... Differences in opinion is good. Differences in interests are not.

When i was 18 I broke up with a girl (3 months into a relationship) because i took her to see a Hives gig and she didn't like it. I still stand by that decision.

I could probably tolerate the racism thing for a while, depending on the severity. If it was at the KKK end of the scale it'd be all over but a mild contempt of a race i could deal with.

The few things that are deal breakers for me:

-Teetotaler
-Dislike of sport (I'm OK with being disinterested)
-Not being OK with the fact one of my two best friends is hot girl who is an ex gf
-no interest in music/going to gigs

The thing is i probably won't ever fall for anyone who has any of those "qualities" since they wouldn't come into my social circle. I meet new people in pubs, at gigs, at sporting events and through friends i've met at those things as well.

The only issue could be the best mate who's an ex but usually after GF's meet her they get it and aren't worried.

 

[Dont be a lemon]

One bump which I have to work is if (that's a big IF) we have children then she would them to have a hyphenated last name.

Out of interest, who's last name would you prefer your kids to have?

 

[The Norm]

When i was 18 I broke up with a girl (3 months into a relationship) because i took her to see a Hives gig and she didn't like it. I still stand by that decision.

Ha! I think one of the main reasons I went out with an ex was because she came to a Hives concert with me and we had such a good time together ... Or it at least helped trigger my initial interest in her.

You definitely made the right call.

It seems Howlin' Pelle has determined the fate of many a romantic destiny ...

 

[Schulzenfest]

I'm pretty relaxed about this sort of stuff. My current girlfriend believes in spirits and fortune tellers and all that crap, which caused me a bit of questioning at first, but now I just sort of humour her. I'd be pretty pissed off if she broke up with me because some gypsy told her she was destined to marry a 6'5" blond guy, but it hasn't come to that yet.

My mum's into all of that stuff, and I find trolling her about it funny. I'd feel the same way if I had a girlfriend who was into it. Bonus points in my book.

 

[Caesar]

She doesn't exactly have a sense of humour about it so I don't actively troll her. She gets really pissed and calls me closeminded, then sulks.

Easier just to roll with it.

 

[Schulzenfest]

Well in that case it wouldn't be overly fun.

My brother and I did manage to explain to my mum that something which she considered to be 'psychic' had more chance of occurring than the psychic beating her at rock paper scissors once. That was fun.

 

[J_Moore]

Quality thread idea.

I couldn't be with someone who had a markedly different sense of humour from mine, or radically different ideas of fairness. Superficial things like taste in music or whatnot I can't give two shits about.

I think those are probably the main things. Applies to relationships and friendships, really.

Oh, also, racism etc is a deal-breaker. But that probably ties up with the notion of fairness.

 

[Power King]

A very subjective topic. In terms of the thread title, it's obviously not about how many differences, but the strengths of those differences.

When i was 18 I broke up with a girl (3 months into a relationship) because i took her to see a Hives gig and she didn't like it. I still stand by that decision.

I lol'ed. In this scenario, for me, it wouldn't be about whether or not she liked it, but more so if she was insulting me for liking a band that I'm a fan of, or if she seemed keen to go to the gig (regardless of whether it was out of her own accord or to make me happy) but then because she didn't enjoy it she decided to kick a princess-like tantrum. Not liking a live performance I can understand though.

I think the racism aspect is an interesting one. Much easier for it to be a deal breaker if it was against your own race, but if it was against a race that we weren't associated with and hence it had little impact on yourself, then how likely is it to be a deal-breaker as opposed to something you preferred wasn't there? I'd vouch on the latter for a lot of people, but it obviously depends on the severity of the racism too. For me, I don't think I could tolerate it if it was racism that was ignorant (which is what the ideas of racist people tend to be in general).

 

[Igloo]

Today I went to Timezone and played Lazer Challenge with my girlfriend, her sister, and her sisters boyfriend. I am fairly nerdy in regards to games, and lazer challenge, and this was the first time I went with my girlfriend.
She didnt like it, so chilled near the entrance most of the time. Then my gun stopped working, so lazer challenge was cut short
While she didnt like it, she didnt have a go at me for liking it, or be all sulky. She even said sorry she didnt get into it more, and said sorry my gun broke

We are going to Queensland in a week as well, and she is not big on rides/waterslides, so it will be interesting how we go there. I plan on going on as many waterslides as possible at the water parks.
But we are both not fans of the spinny things, so its all good.

 

[360noscope]

I don't mind racist "jokes" but if she if fair dinkum racist she would have to be Kim Kardashian to stay in a relationship with me.

Music tastes. Meh, unless it is emo shit.

Political views. Again, don't really care as long they are not to strong and obsessive.

Religious views. Don't care unless she worships the devil or something like that.

They all seem pretty obvious but they are the only things I really couldn't put up with.

 

[Selective Retention]

One bump which I have to work is if (that's a big IF) we have children then she would them to have a hyphenated last name.

Hyphenated names are bs, I hate them.

Women getting married and keeping their maiden name is something that wouldn't phase me, especially if it is a recognition thing in a professional sense and they are a doctor or whatever, but the kids should get the paternal name.

I'd be saying if you want to get married in a church for tradition, then the kids get my name on the same precedent

The exceptions would be if the paternal surname was a shocker that would get the kid bashed at school, or if the paternal surname is say Smith and the maternal surname is Haas and you're raising kids in Germany, then I'd go with the maternal name.

 

[Selective Retention]

BTW I think religion is a deal breaker if they are "practicing".

If the condition of the relationship was getting dragged to church every sunday, **** that.

 

[Power King]

I never realised that hyphenated last names were looked down upon so much by the general public until Pittard got drafted to our club and I read the port board's responses to his name. He even changed his last name so it's just Pittard now.

I've never thought anything of them.

What's the issue with them in the GD's view?

 

[Caesar]

I just find them unnecessarily complicated. It's rare you have a one syllable surname so when you hyphenate two of them then you're looking at a surname that is minimum 4 and usually more like 5 or 6 syllables. Kind of a mouthful.

I'd rather give the kids my wife's surname than hyphenate them.

 

[AsianWithAFro]

Out of interest, who's last name would you prefer your kids to have?

My name of course

I have a strong family lineage and since I am the only Male to pass it on there is a big burden on me. So I guess it's a bit of an issue I may have to work out.

I can understand where she is coming from though. Her father basically disowned and therefore she adopted her mother's maiden name. So I can understand why she fears male oppression by disowning her last name. Personally though I think they are messy but eventually the child can decide whether he wants to change it or not.

 

[NAUGHT5]

If the mother of my child demanded to hyphenate the last name I would be pissed off.

If we all hyphenate last names, eventually we'll have someone walking around with the name John Smith-Jones Brown-Davis Edwards-Richardson Roberts-Thompson.

 

[Opportunity Cost]

I have a hyphenated surname, have never really used and have gone by the name of my mothers family. I had to start usuing it when I got to uni, but it is only really on official documents.

At some stage I will legally change it, there is no way my kids will have the hyphenated name as their surname.

 

[Mr Gor]

I don't really mind hyphenated surnames, but then I haven't had to really deal with them or anything. All I know is that there's a street near my beach house called Murray-Anderson and it sounds cool.

I'm surprised a topic like facebook hasn't been brought up yet. If the girl is a facebook whore - constantly status updating and checking it etc - that's a deal breaker for me. Hate that self indulgent crap, same as taking photos of yourself when it's only you in the shot.

Sense of humour is pretty important too, as it's a prime way of communicating. Being able to see humour in the same things I do, know when I'm joking (ie not taking things too seriously).

Just to name a couple of things

 

[NAUGHT5]

I don't really care if she's funny as such, but she has to understand my sense of humour. Hugely important, agree.

 

[nicky]

Quality thread idea.

I couldn't be with someone who had a markedly different sense of humour from mine, or radically different ideas of fairness. Superficial things like taste in music or whatnot I can't give two shits about.

I think those are probably the main things. Applies to relationships and friendships, really.

Oh, also, racism etc is a deal-breaker. But that probably ties up with the notion of fairness.

Entirely agree.

I like people who are interested in sustainability but becoming too high and mighty about it is a turn off. I've generally found girls to be guilty of this rather than guys.

Bogan, homophobic and racist are qualities which are off putting to me.