Lame Jokes Part 2

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and he had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I’m guessing he was a male.

 

[Bomber32]

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

ATTORNEY: Dr, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people.
WITNESS:All of them, the live ones put up too much of a fight

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

ATTORNEY: All of your responses must be oral ok? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

ATTORNEY: Do you recall what time you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started at 8.30
ATTORNEY: And Mr Del was dead at that time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

ATTORNEY: Dr, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: So then, is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the Autopsy?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure Dr?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

 

[Bomber32]

A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"

He replied, "Depends if I can find a phone."

 

[Bomber32]

Customer: "Waiter, I say, there are two ears in my soup."

Waiter: "What?"

 

[Bomber32]

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

 

[Bomber32]

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out standing in his field.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Are you from tennessee?

Cause you're a ten I see.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Some jokes are short and elegant, like a mathematical proof or a midget in a ballgown

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch?
Names.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running “a bit peaked.” Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. “Ah,” the fighter pilot remarked, “The dreaded seven-engine approach.”

 

[4evablues]

A woman at a petrol station noticed a spaceship land in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump petrol into it.
The woman noticed the letters ''U.F.O.'' printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked ''Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object?''
The alien answered, ''No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!''...lame!!!

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I'm not a big Mac man myself.

Prefer a McChicken Sandwich.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

If your dog is barking at the back door to get in and your wife is yelling at the front door to get in, who do you let in first?

The dog, at least he'll shut up after he gets in the house.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Scientist have discovered a food that when eaten decreases the sex drive in females by up to 90%.

It's called wedding cake

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?

 

[Quadzilla]

Q. how do trees connect to the net?
A. they log on

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Without geometry, life is pointless

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Where do upscale rednecks shop?
Lord and Trailer.