Lame Jokes Part 2

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Q: Any good sailor knows that when a man falls off a ship you yell 'Man overboard!' What should you shout if a woman falls overboard?
A: Full speed ahead!

 

[4evablues]

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!" "I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..."

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Q: What's a good reason for pounding meat? A: Loneliness.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I like my women how I like my filesystems: Fat and 16.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

You know you're an engineer if you have no life and can prove it mathematically.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.

 

[Quadzilla]

‎2 dyslexics walk into a bank and shout ...

Air in the hands motherstickers, this is a f*ck up!

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

nivek48 thanks for all the likes

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What does a clock do when it gets hungry?
Goes back four seconds

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Your friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin and cook them, they will bleed

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

 

[Quadzilla]

nivek48 thanks for all the likes

cool ...i'm a pun addict - post many on my facebook wall ... people ask "where do you get them from?

... keep 'em coming

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

cool ...i'm a pun addict - post many on my facebook wall ... people ask "where do you get them from?

... keep 'em coming

Don't worry i have many more

You you post our jokes on your facebook ?

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

Because he was hit by a bus.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floor. The polar bear looks at the seal and says,

"RAWRRRRRRRRRGGG" and then kills and eats him.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

How do you know if a deadhead has been in your house ?

He's still there.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

How many deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb ?

None. change comes from within.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

You walk into a plane full of Arabs talking about how much they hate America.

You arrive at your destination enlightened about the problems in American society.

 

[Quadzilla]

Don't worry i have many more

You you post our jokes on your facebook ?

Not all ... now and again

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Where do you hide things from deadheads?

Under the soap.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

If you see three flies in the bathroom, how do you know which one is the deadhead?

The one on the pot.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

This girl went to a Dead show with terrible tickets. She could barely even see the stage. Once the show began, she noticed an empty seat waaaaay in the front. She slowly made her way towards the stage, dodging ticket checkers left and right, and finally reached the empty seat. She was so close that Bobby could have spit on her. At the set break, she told the guy next to her that she couldn't believe that someone had given up such an incredible seat. The guy said, "Well, my wife and I had tickets to this show together, but she passed away." She said, "I'm so sorry. Couldn't you find someone else to come to the show with you, a friend or a relative or something?" The guy replied, "Nah. They're all at her funeral today."

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Someone filling out a questionnaire looks at their spouse and asks "Do I have trouble making up my own mind?"