Lame Jokes Part 2

[Run n Spread]

A man, an emu and a cat walk into a bar. The man orders a round and the 3 drink their beers. Next the emu places a note on the bar and a new round his ordered. After this the man and the emu look at the cat who sheepishly looks away before the man buys another round.

Curious the bartender asks the man what is going on.

"Standard story", the man replies, found an old lamp washed up on a beach, a genie pops out and grants me one wish. "What I wished for was a long legged bird with a tight pussy."

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I used to think the human brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I realized, well, look what's telling me that. -- Emo Phillips

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

When fish go to school, they're really up for debate.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Oddly, enrolment in the debate club in a school of fish is in decline

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

James Murdoch has left News International... Guess he just couldn't hack it.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

The other day my friend told me about the new Apple rumors but i didn't believe him so i decided to look

 

[Quadzilla]

Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow, but **** me the pass the parcel was quick !

 

[Quadzilla]

We bought a DVD last night, it was so blurry I had to watch it with one eye closed... It must be a pirate.

winner winner winner ... best this year!

 

[Quadzilla]

The other day my friend told me about the new Apple rumors but i didn't believe him so i decided to look

huh?

 

[Damp Squarie]

A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife, "What's the problem?" She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation." The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, "Is that true?" The husband replies, "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not me."

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Why are women and tornadoes alike? they both howl and take the house when the leave

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

“Women are like a hurricane, at first warm wet and wild and in the end they take your house and your car and leave you with nothing.”

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What caused the little boy to drop his ice cream in the middle of the street?


He seen the iceman

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Irelands worst air disaster happened this morning when a small two seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish rescue workers have recovered 1823 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don't.

 

[wce_dyl]

Thought this up myself a few minutes ago and had to share.

What did the kiwi say when he broke up with his girlfriend??

It's not ewe it's me.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the wall? Art

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs with just his torso touching the water? Doc.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

On the floor in front of a door? Matt

 

[wce_dyl]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs buried alive? Doug.

 

[wce_dyl]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a car? Axel.

 

[wce_dyl]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hut tub? Stu.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Under the car holding it up? Jack