Lame Jokes Part 2

[Andrewy]

I just quit my job at the donut shop.

I was fed up with the hole business.

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

Went on a tinder date recently with a woman who was blind. We ended up going back to her place and while having sex she said I had the biggest penis she had ever experienced.
I said youre pulling my leg!

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

A mate of mine says he is getting into training deer for racing.
He's always looking for a quick buck....

 

[Andrewy]

I'll tell you what, shovels might be a ground breaking invention but garden fences are often overlooked.

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

Heres a Christmas joke:


If you have a snowball in your left hand and a snowball in your right hand… what do you have?
Frosty’s full attention.

 

[BigLefty]

Heres a Christmas joke:


If you have a snowball in your left hand and a snowball in your right hand… what do you have?
Frosty’s full attention.

Strong username to joke correlation

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I used to be a cavator.

Now, I'm an excavator.

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

Had the neighbours knock on my door last night at 3am.....Couldn't believe it!

Luckily I was still up playing my bagpipes.

On SM-S911B using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[GETSOMENUTS]

I dreamt last night that Disco was making a comeback.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.....

On SM-S911B using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[Andrewy]

The moment I knew I was approaching fatherhood was when my mum (who has really weird insecurities ) asked me if her nose looked like a lightbulb.

I said no, of course not, but it does look like your lips have a great idea.

 

[Andrewy]

I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.

 

[Andrewy]

I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it's just a bug that's going around.

 

[Andrewy]

Dogs can't operate MRI machines.

But catscan.

 

[Andrewy]

How can you tell when a comic farts?

Something smells funny.

 

[Andrewy]

In 2021 I didn’t do a marathon. I didn’t do one in 2022, 2023, or 2024, either.

This is a running joke

 

[Andrewy]

You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany,

 

[worbod]

Why did the two vampires get a divorce?

They were always at each other's throats.

 

[Andrewy]

Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?


They always take things literally.

 

[Andrewy]

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward?

A receding hare-line.

 

[Wallaby]

Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?


They always take things literally.

I went to the kleptomaniacs self-help group last week.

Unfortunately, all the seats were taken.

 

[Andrewy]

I went to the kleptomaniacs self-help group last week.

Unfortunately, all the seats were taken.

Yeah my good friend suffers from Kleptomania.

I said.."You should take something for that"

 

[Wallaby]

Yeah my good friend suffers from Kleptomania.

I said.."You should take something for that"

I went to the Kleptomaniacs awards, where I took first, second and thrid prize. I didn't win any.

 

[Andrewy]

I went to the Kleptomaniacs awards, where I took first, second and thrid prize. I didn't win any.

Thats just shocking man.

I have kleptomania too but when it gets bad I just take something for it .

 

[Wallaby]

I think you're stealing your jokes from somewhere (I know I am).

 

[Xtreme]

so many spreadsheets and not once did i feel excelled