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Lame jokes

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Why did the place crash? Cos the pilot was a terrorist

getoffstage.jpg
 

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How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.


What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses


How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But the light bulb has to want to change.


There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those who know binary and those who don't.

A man lay in the street, obviously in a bad way. He calls out to a passer by "Call me an ambulance"
"Ok" came the reply "You're an ambulance



"What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?"
"Ba-na-na-NAAAA!"
 
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her:
“The driver just insulted me!
The man says: You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come"? and the Indian replies, "ear sticky".

What do you give the paedophile who has everything?
Another parish
 
and finally my favourite joke of all time...

what goes....

CLICK CLICK is that it?
CLICK CLICk is that it?
CLICK CLICK is that it?..................

Stevie Wonder with a Rubix cube..


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

funnier than Fremantle supporters!!! jkz
 
Q: how did the boy fall off the swing?

A: somebody threw a refridgerator at him.


Q: whats brown and looks like a stick?

A: a brown stick


Q: how did the boy fall off the tree?

A: somebody threw an ant at him

:D :D :D :D :D
 

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I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a
stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left
side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the
right.

The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse
into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and
jumps onto the other horse.

Just before he rode off, I yelled out,

"What was all that about?"

He replied,

"Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."
 
Why does an elephant lie on the ground with its legs up in the air? To Trip Birds!!


What do you do with two pieces of bread in the desert? Make a sandwhich!
 

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A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange.

The doctor looks at it and says, “I haven't ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career.

What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?” The man says no.

The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, “Nothing.”

The doctor is really puzzled now and says, “You can't not do anything. What do you do at home all day?”

The man replies, “Honestly, doc I, don't do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Cheetos.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

New Virus

There is a virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by
hand.
This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you
receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via
any means....DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life
completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take
two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known
as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote
repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
 
One duck turned to the other and said "quack". The other one replied "I was just about to say that'.
 
What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean Beef.


What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.


What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter, he ain't gonna come anyway...
 
A man heard that one in in 5 people in the world are chinese.

I am in a family of five and its not me, he thought.

So it must be mum or dad or my brother, Colin or my other brother, Ho Chi ...


but I think its Colin.
 
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