1-3. Greater Western Sydney - start the draft by make three shock surprises - one of many to come - by selecting Anthony Tipungwuti, an indigenous lad with lots of pace, Adam Saad, a similarly speedy player, but Arabic (at least to Sheedy's knowledge) and Robin Nahas. Earlier, Sheedy is said to remark that he wants to add some "flair and excitement to the game, and broaden out appeal". When asked whether that simply means he wants to recruit more indigenous players and Middle Eastern players to broaden the team's appeal, he remarks: "pretty much". Nahas is distraught and confused, and yells out: "this is ridiculous, I am a required tiger player, you would never let me go to the giants would you Dimma?" "Hardwick responds with a barely audible: "ahh... yeah, sure, just make sure you get Dom Tyson's phone number".
4. Melbourne - The dees look around startled, having forgotten that the giants do not actually have all of the first 32 picks in the draft. They then blurt out Cale Morton, but are reminded that they already drafted him in 2007 and that he now plays for the eagles. The dees begin to look frustrated, and eventually throw their crayons and scrap paper in the air and yell: "drafting is complicated!" and storm out in a massive huff. Andrew Demetriou reminds all of the rules which state that all recruiters must say the name of the player they wish to draft within the allocated two minutes or they will be penalised for time wasting and will be penalised with a 50 minute penalty: that being Melbourne fans have to listen to their recruiters explain their drafting philosophy of the past 5 years for 50 minutes. Melbourne therefore forfeit their pick.
5 - 6. Western Bulldogs - The dogs promptly pick Jackson Thurlow and Jesse Lonergan, in an attempt to appeal to Tasmanian fans, a demographic the dogs wish to appeal to when they play 3 matches near the Franklin Dam next year. A certain giants fan becomes the number one ticket holder of the dogs, doubling their operating profit for 2012.
7. Port - Port aren't in much luck, while they know of a number of players who are born in Adelaide, none of them want to stay there, or live anywhere near Alberton Oval, or play for Port Adelaide. Faced with not many options, Port make a quick dash to the Rundle mall and yell: "who wants to play for Port Adelaide?" When no-one answers, they settle on drafting Henry Slattery.
8. Brisbane - Crazy Vossy is not happy, he would have rather the draft be held in his beloved Brisbane. But not to fail, Vossy has a plan to trade his pick eight and Jack Redden to St. Kilda for the recently delisted Dean Polo. While Vlad and Anderson find this highly illegal (not to mention stupid) given it is revealed outside of trade week, Vlad pronounces that: "I'll allow it" possibly just to placate Vossy. St. Kilda cannot stop laughing, and are laughing so much that they forget to pick a player, and under the two minute rule, forfeit their pick.
9. Richmond - Francis Jackson has a wide smile across his face. He somehow knows that he has managed to trick all the other opposition into picking up the wrong players. What's more, Jackson has found the player to complete his team: Paxington Chatsworthy. Everyone thinks a collective wtf and look around startled until a beaming Chatsworthy emerges from nowhere (later revealed to be an obscure league that only Jackson and some indigenous nomads have heard of) to stand next to an equally happy Jackson on the podium.
10. Essendon - The bombers proudly announce that they are drafting Joe Daniher. However a breathless Adrian Anderson comes steaming into the draft holding a DNA test in his hands which reveals that Joe is actually an illegitimate love child of Shane Warne. While Essendon can still draft him, given no-one has drafted him and in the ensuing chaos, Vlad has forgotten about the father son bidding process, Essendon don't want him, saying to Joe that: "you're Warne's son? Eww, no thanks". Essendon then select Dale Garlett, figuring that if they're going to pick a player has family members who love smoking and drinking, why not make it the player himself?
11. Carlton - Carlton are troubled, they've lost their ambassador to the kingdom of Visy and feel that that they will lose financial strength if they lose the sponsorship deal they made with the Asian nation. They ask around: "does anyone speak Visish?" Apparently Tullio Dematteis does, and as a result, he is subsequently drafted as their 11th pick and ambassador to Visy. It's a tough portfolio, but if he does it well, he may get a gig in Canberra.
12. Greater Western Sydney - Poor Steven, all this commotion is leaving what is already an intellectually limited individual scared and confused. He decides that he wants no part in this draft anymore, but not without drafting Billy Rolfe, and cackles out loudly, saying: "you thought I didn't read those poorly put together composite drafts of the afl? You fools!" Before walking out of the building. Voss points at Silvagni and remarks: "he's nuts" everyone else falls off their chair.
13. Gold Coast - The Gold Coast have still not finished their hula dance after snaring Jaegar "gun of the century, if only my mum gave me a proper name" O'Meara. Vlad tells them to hurry up, and in their mad rush, they decide to pick the player who most resembles Ablett. When they realise hardly any of the players are bald, they remark about how it's hard to to the draft when you have to start from pick 13 and have only one pick, and subsequently give up.
4. Melbourne - The dees look around startled, having forgotten that the giants do not actually have all of the first 32 picks in the draft. They then blurt out Cale Morton, but are reminded that they already drafted him in 2007 and that he now plays for the eagles. The dees begin to look frustrated, and eventually throw their crayons and scrap paper in the air and yell: "drafting is complicated!" and storm out in a massive huff. Andrew Demetriou reminds all of the rules which state that all recruiters must say the name of the player they wish to draft within the allocated two minutes or they will be penalised for time wasting and will be penalised with a 50 minute penalty: that being Melbourne fans have to listen to their recruiters explain their drafting philosophy of the past 5 years for 50 minutes. Melbourne therefore forfeit their pick.
5 - 6. Western Bulldogs - The dogs promptly pick Jackson Thurlow and Jesse Lonergan, in an attempt to appeal to Tasmanian fans, a demographic the dogs wish to appeal to when they play 3 matches near the Franklin Dam next year. A certain giants fan becomes the number one ticket holder of the dogs, doubling their operating profit for 2012.
7. Port - Port aren't in much luck, while they know of a number of players who are born in Adelaide, none of them want to stay there, or live anywhere near Alberton Oval, or play for Port Adelaide. Faced with not many options, Port make a quick dash to the Rundle mall and yell: "who wants to play for Port Adelaide?" When no-one answers, they settle on drafting Henry Slattery.
8. Brisbane - Crazy Vossy is not happy, he would have rather the draft be held in his beloved Brisbane. But not to fail, Vossy has a plan to trade his pick eight and Jack Redden to St. Kilda for the recently delisted Dean Polo. While Vlad and Anderson find this highly illegal (not to mention stupid) given it is revealed outside of trade week, Vlad pronounces that: "I'll allow it" possibly just to placate Vossy. St. Kilda cannot stop laughing, and are laughing so much that they forget to pick a player, and under the two minute rule, forfeit their pick.
9. Richmond - Francis Jackson has a wide smile across his face. He somehow knows that he has managed to trick all the other opposition into picking up the wrong players. What's more, Jackson has found the player to complete his team: Paxington Chatsworthy. Everyone thinks a collective wtf and look around startled until a beaming Chatsworthy emerges from nowhere (later revealed to be an obscure league that only Jackson and some indigenous nomads have heard of) to stand next to an equally happy Jackson on the podium.
10. Essendon - The bombers proudly announce that they are drafting Joe Daniher. However a breathless Adrian Anderson comes steaming into the draft holding a DNA test in his hands which reveals that Joe is actually an illegitimate love child of Shane Warne. While Essendon can still draft him, given no-one has drafted him and in the ensuing chaos, Vlad has forgotten about the father son bidding process, Essendon don't want him, saying to Joe that: "you're Warne's son? Eww, no thanks". Essendon then select Dale Garlett, figuring that if they're going to pick a player has family members who love smoking and drinking, why not make it the player himself?
11. Carlton - Carlton are troubled, they've lost their ambassador to the kingdom of Visy and feel that that they will lose financial strength if they lose the sponsorship deal they made with the Asian nation. They ask around: "does anyone speak Visish?" Apparently Tullio Dematteis does, and as a result, he is subsequently drafted as their 11th pick and ambassador to Visy. It's a tough portfolio, but if he does it well, he may get a gig in Canberra.
12. Greater Western Sydney - Poor Steven, all this commotion is leaving what is already an intellectually limited individual scared and confused. He decides that he wants no part in this draft anymore, but not without drafting Billy Rolfe, and cackles out loudly, saying: "you thought I didn't read those poorly put together composite drafts of the afl? You fools!" Before walking out of the building. Voss points at Silvagni and remarks: "he's nuts" everyone else falls off their chair.
13. Gold Coast - The Gold Coast have still not finished their hula dance after snaring Jaegar "gun of the century, if only my mum gave me a proper name" O'Meara. Vlad tells them to hurry up, and in their mad rush, they decide to pick the player who most resembles Ablett. When they realise hardly any of the players are bald, they remark about how it's hard to to the draft when you have to start from pick 13 and have only one pick, and subsequently give up.
