Win Prizes Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2022

[TedDougChris]

I'm calling it - Jake Melksham to go Top 5.

Gonna be stiff competition there....

Stef Martin, Ziebell, Grundy, Stringer, De Goey (off field bonus points), the Essendon Board, everyone at West Coast bar Barrass and Kennedy. Zorko (flog bonus points), Aaron Hall, Matt Crouch, Aarts (for his epic match losing ability). the list is endless...

 

[Tippett2Goal]

Sticky'd

The win prizes prefix is for the flog that correctly guesses the post number where I get to change it to the meltdown prefix.

Whenever the first tugger makes the list would be a fair bet so probably 46

 

[Truckosaurus]

He has the best “I just missed a goal” face of any current player

He’s had a lot of practice

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

He’s had a lot of practice

He'd still be your best forward RN.

 

[Mofra]

Player #48 - Jack Darling

27

Jack Darling

Age

33

Ht

191cm

Wt

95kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

12.1

3star

K

7.9

3star

HB

4.2

3star

M

5.0

5star

T

3.0

5star

G

1.9

5star

D

8.0

2star

K

4.3

2star

HB

3.7

3star

M

2.7

3star

T

2.4

3star

G

1.3

5star

D

14.6

4star

K

7.6

3star

HB

7.0

5star

M

6.0

5star

T

4.0

5star

G

1.4

5star

Pictured: I too take my medical advice from [checks notes] concreters

Nickname: JD (I assume it belatedly stands for 'Jab Done')

Jack Darling

27

Jack Darling

Age

33

Ht

191cm

Wt

95kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

12.1

3star

K

7.9

3star

HB

4.2

3star

M

5.0

5star

T

3.0

5star

G

1.9

5star

D

8.0

2star

K

4.3

2star

HB

3.7

3star

M

2.7

3star

T

2.4

3star

G

1.3

5star

D

14.6

4star

K

7.6

3star

HB

7.0

5star

M

6.0

5star

T

4.0

5star

G

1.4

5star

is a senior player for the worst West Coast Eagles team in their history. They suck so bad they don't even get pick 1 because they even lost at being losers.

Darling missed most of pre-season because he was too busy 'doing his own research' although it may have just been a ploy to spend less time with his teammates. He eventually decided to listen to the club doctor over people who think the Earth is 6,000 years old ("In the beginning there was Adam, Eve and half of Geelong's rookies...")
Darling started the season so underdone Gordan Ramsey flew to Australia just to yell at him at quarter time.

Jack dropped in pretty much every statistical category this year from the last, but the real damage was done before he rejoined training. Most clubs require 'buy-in' (known as IOU-in at St Kilda) and Jack just isn't a team player. While a small drop in average goals, marks, disposals, etc points to being a 'little bit down', his inside 50 numbers were 50% greater last year. He just wasn't covering the same ground, which is ironic being a West Coast Eagles player because their cheer squad's collective shadow seems to cover more ground year on year.

Darling only played in two wins for the season - one against Collingwood before they got good, and against Essendon way back when they had a coach. He did have one good game to skew his stats - kicking 6 against a Suns outfit dragged over the line by Touk Miller

11

Touk Miller

Age

30

Ht

178cm

Wt

84kg

Pos.

Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D

21.7

5star

K

9.5

4star

HB

12.3

5star

M

3.7

4star

T

5.4

5star

CL

4.2

5star

D

22.0

5star

K

11.4

4star

HB

10.6

5star

M

2.9

3star

T

4.8

5star

CL

4.1

5star

D

17.8

5star

K

5.8

3star

HB

12.0

5star

M

3.0

3star

T

3.8

5star

CL

3.0

5star

. Other than that game Jack just seemed a bit "off", be it fitness, synergy with his teammates, or a throwback to the 2018 Grand Final where he had no marks in the first half. By channeling his inner Gary Rohan

23

Gary Rohan

Age

34

Ht

189cm

Wt

92kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

9.6

2star

K

6.6

3star

HB

3.0

3star

M

3.3

3star

T

2.5

4star

G

1.0

4star

D

8.8

2star

K

6.0

2star

HB

2.8

2star

M

3.4

3star

T

2.3

3star

G

1.0

4star

D

9.8

3star

K

6.8

3star

HB

3.0

3star

M

2.2

3star

T

4.2

5star

G

1.2

4star

, Jack has also put all the physios at West Coast 'on edge' except for Bruce who insists the key to elite performance is 'loosening the upper hamstrings'.

Fun fact: Jack Darling

27

Jack Darling

Age

33

Ht

191cm

Wt

95kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

12.1

3star

K

7.9

3star

HB

4.2

3star

M

5.0

5star

T

3.0

5star

G

1.9

5star

D

8.0

2star

K

4.3

2star

HB

3.7

3star

M

2.7

3star

T

2.4

3star

G

1.3

5star

D

14.6

4star

K

7.6

3star

HB

7.0

5star

M

6.0

5star

T

4.0

5star

G

1.4

5star

is a black belt in taekwondo, which means he's presumably better at hand to hand combat than Andrew Gaff

3

Andrew Gaff

Age

33

Ht

184cm

Wt

83kg

Pos.

Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D

26.6

5star

K

15.9

5star

HB

10.7

5star

M

4.8

5star

T

2.0

4star

CL

2.5

4star

D

24.5

5star

K

15.6

5star

HB

8.9

4star

M

5.4

5star

T

2.0

3star

CL

2.5

4star

D

11.2

3star

K

8.0

3star

HB

3.2

3star

M

3.2

4star

T

0.6

3star

CL

0.6

3star

.

Jack, good luck next year being over 30 during a rebuild. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.

 

[Zevon]

Truly astonishing there could be 47 worse than Jack Darling

27

Jack Darling

Age

33

Ht

191cm

Wt

95kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

12.1

3star

K

7.9

3star

HB

4.2

3star

M

5.0

5star

T

3.0

5star

G

1.9

5star

D

8.0

2star

K

4.3

2star

HB

3.7

3star

M

2.7

3star

T

2.4

3star

G

1.3

5star

D

14.6

4star

K

7.6

3star

HB

7.0

5star

M

6.0

5star

T

4.0

5star

G

1.4

5star

and Jimmy Rowe. Everything points to 2022 being a bottom 50 for the ages

 

[Grave Danger]

Port's leading contender just got a three year contract extension

 

[HairyO]

This is already the Best 50 list of any 50 lists posted so far this season because:

a) the people on the list actually exist
2) the maker of the list isn't a complete numpty

d) the melts will be delicious.

Im going out on a limb and will say zero Hawks make the list. Everyone did their best, no off field drama, people now all love Sicily and anyone who disagrees is a **** ing campaigner who can die in a dumpster fire.

 

[76woodenspooners]

What is weighting for choking in the final minutes of the last couple of games of the season to miss the finals?

Easy year for Mof you’d reckon …

… just needs to figure out which 6 players get 50 to 45, and in what order to put Carlton’s list 44 to 1.

 

[76woodenspooners]

Player #48 - Jack Darling

Pictured: I too take my medical advice from [checks notes] concreters

That‘s some serious commitment to the cause there …

… it’s not a 30 second spray-can job. They’ve actually drilled that message through the paintwork into the metal.

 

[Mofra]

That‘s some serious commitment to the cause there …

… it’s not a 30 second spray-can job. They’ve actually drilled that message through the paintwork into the metal.

Yep they've really - jabbed it in

 

[3rd Grade Maggy]

Easy year for Mof you’d reckon …

… just needs to figure out which 6 players get 50 to 45, and in what order to put Carlton’s list 44 to 1.

Come on man, read the rules. At least a dozen don't qualify under the minimum games rule.

 

[Crabapplepittard]

So big Jack Is #47 on this list but wins the Rocca medal???

 

[FISTO]

So big Jack Is #47 on this list but wins the Rocca medal???

Either Mof has gone early or we’ve overlooked a whooooole lot of shit trucks

 

[juice t]

Jack was asked about appearing in Mofra's Bottom 50 and he said it was a hoax and caused by 5G Towers

 

[Crabapplepittard]

Jack was asked about appearing in Mofra's Bottom 50 and he said it was a hoax and caused by 5G Towers

 

[Ocha905]

Truly astonishing there could be 47 worse than Jack Darling and Jimmy Rowe. Everything points to 2022 being a bottom 50 for the ages

Still got the great list of North to choose from.
Everyone bar LDU, Simpkin, McKay, Larkey, Goldstein and Scott is very available for selection.
Wonder if Mofra goes “soul is black like the ace of spades” level of ruthless and includes Cunnington.

 

[HAPPY CHEFFY]

Still got this bloke to come.

 

[Bont2Bruce]

Looking forward to the Luke Beveridge entry.

 

[James Colorado]

Either Mof has gone early or we’ve overlooked a whooooole lot of s**t trucks

I'm confused too, I mean, we are collectively the greatest analytical minds on the planet here.

 

[philreich]

Player #49 - James Rowe

Pictured: James Rowe is a surprisingly common name, thank you Google images

Nickname: According to the Crows website, 'Jimmy' or 'Rowie'. What a bunch of boring twats.

James Rowe is a small forward who plays for Adelaide, who are throwing all their money at a small forward this trade period which shows you the regard in which he's held by the Crows list management team. After taking a small forward with their first-round pick last year.
Drafted from the SANFL, Jimmy's dad played in the first Crows team which was so long ago they still used canvas tents when they attended their pre-season torture camps.

Managing 17 games this year for the 5th last placed team, Rowe kicked 12 goals (never more than two) and averaged 1 and a half tackles per game. The main issues with Rowe are height (or lack thereof) and speed. If you're going to be a shortarse at AFL level you need to be quick (Rowe isn't) or have outstanding endurance (Rowe doesn't). He isn't exactly a pressure player either which is a prerequisite for being a small forward at AFL level these days. He can't jump either which, for a guy at 173cm, means he's about chest height of most of his opponents (and for Dusty, strippers).

Adelaide apparently bid on Jamarra Ugle-Hagen with their first pick in 2020 so that the Bulldogs would use extra points to match, which meant the Crows could use their second-round draft pick on Rowe (lulz). The decision cost Riley Thilthorpe $10k as he missed out on the no 1 draft pick bonus, but I thought it was a wonderful gesture to give Collective Minds a go at running their draft that year.

Rowe's a delist candidate at the end of this year, which means some stupid club will probably trade him in and [checks the Draft & Trading board] um... er.... will get a bargain if they can turn him around

Fun fact: Jimmy is quite the romantic despite his lack of height. He regularly provides a tea-light candle lit dinner and later goes up on his girlfriend.

Jimmy, good luck next year whichever club you end up at. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.

When a player is regularly gaining votes in the opposition's B&F, there's a problem. Jimmy fits this bill perfectly.

 

[weltschmerz]

Player #50 - Bailey Smith

Pictured: Just blowing off a little steam

Nickname: Bazlenka (he gave it to himself)

Bailey Smith is seen as a young star of the competition who performed incredibly well for 90% of last years' finals series.
He runs very hard, gets plenty of the ball, kicks goals, has a glorious mullet and very very occasionally wears a shirt.

View attachment 1495998

Unfortunately, Baz has a couple of teeny flaws.

1. His kicking is a bit hit or miss, and when I say miss I mean the entire football field. He has kicked the ball out of bounds so often he has caused more men to throw balls over their shoulder than testicular elephantitis. He's actually in the top 10 in the comp for average clangers per game and his Disposal Efficiancy is lower than a Port Adelaide cheer squad member's IQ score.

2. "Vision has emerged" has now become the scariest phrase in an AFL player's life, overtaking "I'm pregnant" and "Kane Cornes has mentioned you in an article".
Anyway Bailey Smith was seen in footage 'holding a white powdery substance' which he later apologised for. I'm shocked that a guy with a mullet and an 8-pack was found to be ingesting a substance known to suppress appetite but at least he didn't commit the horrendous crime (check media notes) of legally taking a short holiday to Bali.

As a result of the vision, Bailey had to serve a two match suspension because he doesn't keep Patrick Cripp's lawyers on retainer.

Bailey, good luck on the weekend facing the purple haze and let's hope it's the last purple haze you experience for the year. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2022.

Updated reaction image to comply with swear filter

 

[Pistol Night]

Looking forward to the Luke Beveridge entry.

So is Mrs Beveridge

 

[Mofra]

Still got the great list of North to choose from.
Everyone bar LDU, Simpkin, McKay, Larkey, Goldstein and Scott is very available for selection.
Wonder if Mofra goes “soul is black like the ace of spades” level of ruthless and includes Cunnington.

Spoiler alert - Cunnington has been one of my favourite opposition players for years. No way he gets a nomination

 

[TheBigHorne]

Kayne Turner

28

Kayne Turner

Age

30

Ht

180cm

Wt

71kg

Pos.

D/F

Career

Season

Last 5

D

11.3

3star

K

5.6

2star

HB

5.7

4star

M

2.6

3star

T

3.5

5star

MG

150.3

2star

No current season stats available

D

11.0

3star

K

6.8

3star

HB

4.2

4star

M

3.2

4star

T

4.8

5star

... bottom(?) 5 or riot. He's a cotender for no.1 really.