O/T: Cheer up Noddy

[*PAF]

German word No 2 for constipation.
Gestuk.

 

[Mad Dog]

German word No 2 for constipation.
Gestuk.

Crappen Shtook????

 

[*PAF]

Crappen Shtook????

Stuhlenshtooken?

 

[Mad Dog]

Stuhlenshtooken?

Shtuckenturd !!

 

[*PAF]

Shtuckenturd !!

Hehe.

Fartenlotzen-Crappennotten

 

[Mad Dog]

Hehe.

Fartenlotzen-Crappennotten

this is so bloody childish....

squeezenmuchen blurtennaughten

!

 

[*PAF]

this is so bloody childish....

squeezenmuchen blurtennaughten

!

Hehe.
Time to go out while I still have some sanity left me thinks.

 

[Mad Dog]

Hey Nod...you better be getting better you old fart.....this was very embarrassing for *PAF and myself.........

stunkenmuchen jockenstain...

 

[Crowz Gal]

This is my absolute favourite:

A man walks back into a bar,
You think he would have seen it the first time.

No doubt you are in hysterics, so here are some others that my friend sent me. These are really FUNNY 2

 

[Crowz Gal]

A policeman is in a morgue finishing off some paperwork when he sees

> > a
> naked
> > body lying face down on a table.
> > Upon further inspection he notices a cork stuck in the body's anus.
> > Curiosity gets the better of him and he removes the cork.
> >
> > All of a sudden the policeman hears "We'll never stop, stop, stop,
> > till we're top, top, top!" so he quickly replaces the cork and
> > rushes to find
> the
> > morgue
> > attendant.
> >
> > When he finds him he takes him to the body and instructs the
> > attendant
to
> > remove the cork.
> > The attendant, looking a little puzzled, removes the cork and
> > suddenly "We'll never stop, stop, stop, till we're top, top, top!"
> > can be heard
> once
> > more.
> >
> > The policeman asks the attendant if he has ever experienced anything
like
> > this before.
> >
> > The attendant looks at the policeman in surprise and says to him
> ..........
> >
> > ................
> >
> > ...............
> > "Of course I have!
> >
> > Thousands of !@#$holes sing that song!"

 

[Crowz Gal]

This ones really FUNNY
With all your honour and dignity - what would you do? This test only
>has one
>question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it
>without
>giving it some serious thinking...
>
>By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand
>morally.
>The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where
>you
>will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that
>your answer
>needs to be honest, but yet spontaneous. Please scroll down s l o w
>l y
>
>This is important for the test to work correctly.
>
>
>
>
>
>You're in Victoria...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>In Melbourne, to be exact...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>There is a huge chaos going on around you, caused by a cyclone and
>all the
>flooding resulting from the cyclone...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>There are huge masses of water all over you....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>You are a Murdoch Press photographer....
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>...and you are in the middle of this great disaster .
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>The situation is nearly hopeless.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>You're trying to shoot very impressive pictures...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into
>the
>raging waters...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Nature is showing all its destructive power...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>.... and is ripping everything away with it...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Suddenly you see a man, steering a big van...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the
>masses of
>water and mud...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>You move closer...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Somehow the man looks familiar and important...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Suddenly you know who it is - it's Eddie Maguire, Collingwood
>President and
>Media guru
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take
>him
>away, forever...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best
>photo of
>your life. So you can save the life of Eddie Maguire, or you can
>shoot a
>Pulitzer prize winning photo...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> A photo displaying the death of a very powerful man...
>
>
>
>
>
>
> And here's the question: (Please give an honest answer)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Will you make the photo black and white, or colour?

 

[Crowked]

> Will you make the photo black and white, or colour?

hehehehe

 

[*PAF]

What do you call it when everyone at a party gets Gastro.
















Unshtuckenfest.

 

[portentous]

Well aren't I glad I started this thread-not?? Sorry Noddy, my intentions were good........


childish males, I dunno.....

 

[*PAF]

Well aren't I glad I started this thread-not?? Sorry Noddy, my intentions were good........


childish males, I dunno.....

You said to make him happy, and there's nothing that beats crappy jokes at doing just that is there?

 

[portentous]

You said to make him happy, and there's nothing that beats crappy jokes at doing just that is there?

I'd reckon the cows beating the pretends might just cut it.....

 

[portentous]

This one might get me in trouble......que sera sera.....

How to shower like a Woman:

Get in shower - use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide

loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo

with 43 added vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.

Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural

avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushed

apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body

with gingernut and jaffa cake body wash. Shave armpits and legs. Turn

off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots

with Exit-Mould. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small

country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Check entire body for

spots, tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and

towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed

areas.




How to Shower like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed. Leave in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake knob at

her making woo-hoo sound. Look at manly physique in the mirror. Admire

the size of your knob and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your

face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water

rinse them off. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how

loud they sound in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates

and surrounding area. Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on

the soap. Shampoo hair. Make shampoo mohawk. Pee. Rinse off shampoo and

get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor.

Admire knob size in mirror again. Leave shower door open, wet mat on

floor, light on and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass your wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make

woo-hoo noises again.

 

[CaptainDangerfield]

Just wanted to wish Noddy all the best. He's been a bit crook, and combined with the Crows losing, is a bit down. So if anyone has any jokes etc to cheer him up, please post them here.

Chin up Noddy. Enjoy being above Port on the ladder for the 1 week a season it's gonna happen......

A win against Collingwood and plenty of ointment should do the trick Nod.

 

[*PAF]

...

:d :d

 

[portentous]

THE LONELY LITTLE BRAIN CELL
>
> Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake,
> happened to end up in a man's head.
>
>
> She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.
>
>
> "Hello?" she cried, but no answer..
>
>
> "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no
> answer.
>
>
> Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and
> yelled at the top of her voice
>
>
> "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
>
>
> Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away
>

>
> "We're down here."
>