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Social Off Topic Thread - House of Dastardly Crax

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CatMarie said:
Gosh,the Cats just made that game. Tell me how is every one?. Make it funny. I am very tired at the moment of the sad stories on the news. Thin k I will watch Robin Hood tonight, seeing that I have finished the West Wing :)
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Hey CatMarie, you've been quiet lately, we've missed you. It was a good game, I always enjoy winning ;) Now for something funny -

Joe was moderately successful in the career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. After the operation, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see, size 44 long?" Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?". "It's my job." replied the salesman. Joe tried on the suit, it fitted perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure!". The salesman eyed Joe then said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16 and a half neck.". Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?". "It's my job." came the familiar reply. Joe tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly. The salesman asked, "How about new shoes?". Joe was on a roll and agreed. The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see, nine-and-a-half?" Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?". "It's my job." said the salesman again. Joe tried on the shoes and they fitted perfectly. He walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure, why not." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36." Joe laughed smugly, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The shocked salesman shook his head, "You can't possibly wear a size 34! It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache!"
http://www.jokebuddha.com/Testicles#ixzz3YyWwY7zy
 
CatMarie said:
Talking of the new Princess/Prince that is coming, when I was born , I was so ugly, that the doctor slapped my mum , instead of me. :$:cry:
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LOL Your poor Mum! He should have slapped your Dad ;)
Hasn't the baby been born yet? I thought DoCamb went into labour last week?
 
CatMarie said:
Read most of them . Not reading a lot at the moment . Finished a couple of tv series, now looking for more. Also on another thread somewhere The Pacific, and Band of Brothers were talked about . Will look for them as well.
And AHEM " Some series or something " my dear, was the wonderful West Wing . So annoying to finish that :( BUt .... watching next the tv series of Robin Hood , starring Jonas Armstrong, and Richard Armitage as Guy of Gisbourne . Saw it about 10 years ago when it was on tv. Found it again today I wonder what other series are good to hunt for? Where is Cattery when he is needed? I remember him saying I was in for a treat with the West Wing.
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I'm about to begin watching Crimson Field, which looks good. Just finished watching Nurse Jackie, which I love, the writing is so clever. If you enjoyed The West Wing, you might like The House of Cards.
 

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Teriyakicat said:
Lewis has just flattened Goldstein in the Hawks/Norf game.

Hodge did a full forearm to the throat of a Norf player earlier- hope that is looked at by the MRP 'cos I'd hate such thuggery to be condoned :rolleyes: by them again.

Anyone watching the game? It's pretty heated!

Hawks aren't worried- they have GWS, Melb, Syd then GCFC lined up- they can afford for their players to have 2 weeks off.
Goldstein is up with a split near his eye :(
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Disappointing, Norf 27 - Poos+Wees 49
 
SquishyKitty said:
Hey CatMarie, you've been quiet lately, we've missed you. It was a good game, I always enjoy winning ;) Now for something funny -

Joe was moderately successful in the career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. After the operation, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see, size 44 long?" Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?". "It's my job." replied the salesman. Joe tried on the suit, it fitted perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure!". The salesman eyed Joe then said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16 and a half neck.". Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?". "It's my job." came the familiar reply. Joe tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly. The salesman asked, "How about new shoes?". Joe was on a roll and agreed. The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see, nine-and-a-half?" Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?". "It's my job." said the salesman again. Joe tried on the shoes and they fitted perfectly. He walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure, why not." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36." Joe laughed smugly, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The shocked salesman shook his head, "You can't possibly wear a size 34! It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache!"
http://www.jokebuddha.com/Testicles#ixzz3YyWwY7zy
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hahahahaaa!!
Reminds me of another joke along those lines- maybe we should put these in the jokes thread? Nah- bugger it. It's OT so it doesn't matter. They'll be happy here! :D

Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated."

The doctor says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation."

Fred replies, "Doc, I just want to be castrated and I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it?"

The doctor says, "Well, okay, I guess I could make this one exception. I don't understand it, but alright."

He puts Fred to sleep, does the operation and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up. "Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks.

"It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to be circumcised, and I hope you don't mind my..."

"Circumcised!" yells Fred. "That's the word!"

(with apologies to FredLeDeux who, I'm sure, will enjoy the joke... Fred- I've copied the joke as it was... Seriously!! If I'd gone to the trouble of changing it, I'm sure I'd have used abet's name, not yours! ;) Or maybe allrighty's)
 
Kram81 said:
If Ballantyne did what Lewis did he would probably get suspended for the rest of the season ;)
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But the Tribunal is stacked with former poos+wees players, so they NEVER get suspended! :mad:
 
I'm at home babysitting the kids while my wife is working in the city, taking photos for a pretty full on engagement party. She sent me a text a bit upset, she said some sleazy drunk prick has been making very suggestive comments and is creepy and disgusting. It's frustrating sitting here when i just want to go and flatten the prick. No one should have to put up with that shit when they're just trying to do their job. When it's your wife though, it's quite upsetting.
 
Strangled Cat said:
I'm at home babysitting the kids while my wife is working in the city, taking photos for a pretty full on engagement party. She sent me a text a bit upset, she said some sleazy drunk prick has been making very suggestive comments and is creepy and disgusting. It's frustrating sitting here when i just want to go and flatten the prick. No one should have to put up with that shit when they're just trying to do their job. When it's your wife though, it's quite upsetting.
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that is very true, SC. Does she have anyone there at her work who can give her some support? Maybe the people who employed her to take photos?
And is she OK to get home? Tell her to make sure someone she can trust walks her to her car or whatever.
 
Teriyakicat said:
that is very true, SC. Does she have anyone there at her work who can give her some support? Maybe the people who employed her to take photos?
And is she OK to get home? Tell her to make sure someone she can trust walks her to her car or whatever.
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She's self-employed. She works autonomously. Most of the other guests are drunk as well. I'm not fully up to speed with the situation as she's only sending me texts periodically when she can. He said "I've got something you can take a photo of that I think you'll like". He also groped a waitress. I don't know how the fcuk he hasn't been kicked out, to be honest.
 

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lewis_CD_8mhq_UIAAv_Iw_U.jpg
 
Strangled Cat said:
She's self-employed. She works autonomously. Most of the other guests are drunk as well. I'm not fully up to speed with the situation as she's only sending me texts periodically when she can. He said "I've got something you can take a photo of that I think you'll like". He also groped a waitress. I don't know how the fcuk he hasn't been kicked out, to be honest.
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needs to be reported to the manager of the function by the sounds.
 
Anyone know why the alarm system went off telling us to evacuate the MCG today?? o_O

Strangled Cat said:
She's self-employed. She works autonomously. Most of the other guests are drunk as well. I'm not fully up to speed with the situation as she's only sending me texts periodically when she can. He said "I've got something you can take a photo of that I think you'll like". He also groped a waitress. I don't know how the fcuk he hasn't been kicked out, to be honest.
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Reply: "Sorry the zoom on my camera isn't good enough for that shot" :rolleyes:

What an arseh*le. Deserves a lot more than just a thumping.
 
CatMarie said:
Baby just arrived A little Princess:)
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I don't mind the Royals.

Yeah a baby isn't a huge deal, but any news that isn't a rape, murder, execution or terrorist attack is ok by me. I like it. :thumbsu:
 

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Teriyakicat said:
needs to be reported to the manager of the function by the sounds.
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The latest text I got was that they refused to serve him alcohol as he was too pissed, so he left. He came back in about 20 minutes later as presumably he was denied entry into any nearby clubs. My wife said she's just moving around the venue, trying to avoid him. My wife isn't prone to exaggeration at all and nor is she the timid type either, so for her to be upset freaked out about it like they way she is means that they guy it pretty full on. I'm not very impressed!:mad:
 
Strangled Cat said:
The latest text I got was that they refused to serve him alcohol as he was too pissed, so he left. He came back in about 20 minutes later as presumably he was denied entry into any nearby clubs. My wife said she's just moving around the venue, trying to avoid him. My wife isn't prone to exaggeration at all and nor is she the timid type either, so for her to be upset freaked out about it like they way she is means that they guy it pretty full on. I'm not very impressed!:mad:
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She needs to have backup- the staff at the function can run interference for her and keep a lookout. Sounds like she has it sorted, if she's staying out of his way, but it does make it difficult. She should make sure the person who's employed her knows about it, too, and how it's affected her job. What a pain in the arse, though. Some people just need to learn when enough's enough and when to pull their head in. :mad:
There's nothing that you can do from where you are, apart from make sure that she takes precautions when she leaves.
 
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