Please help me

[IschenkoUBeauty]

Hi GD

Posted this in the north board but I want the help of anyone willing to listen.
Please dont make fun of me for this, i know you wont.

I've hit the wall. I have no idea who I am anymore. I'm broken as a person and I'm not sure any amount of time will fix it and return me to the person I used to be. I can take a holiday, i can try to suppress it but it lingers and it eats me up 24 hours a day. Alcohol isn't the answer anymore. I'm afraid now that in my state of mind I could venture down another path...I certainly dont want to be damaging myself further from what I am nor do I want it to affect those I love and care for. How can I define myself? I hate myself and who I am. I never give myself any credit for anything I do but I will say that I know I'm a good person and a good man. I've tears rolling down my face as I write this which is strange because I never cry. I cannot handle it any longer. People deserve to be in a place they feel content, a state of mind they can feel at home and an overall wellbeing that promotes good health. Ive not had any of those and I have nothing.

So sorry for things I might say or do on here. I've lost myself over a number of years and its all crumbling down now.

Please help me


IUB

 

[Geelong_Sicko]

Why do you feel like this? If you're not content where you are, get the f*ck outta Dodge for a while. Make room for a bit of 'me' time up the coast or out in the bush somewhere, and you'll see what really matters once you're on the outside looking in as opposed to on the inside feeling enclosed.

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

Why do you feel like this? If you're not content where you are, get the f*ck outta Dodge for a while. Make room for a bit of 'me' time up the coast or out in the bush somewhere, and you'll see what really matters once you're on the outside looking in as opposed to on the inside feeling enclosed.

I dont think itd matter. Id still feel the same. It's inescapable. I feel as if I'm drowning. No holiday could fix that. I could give it a go but I dont want to be by myself as things would get worse. My mind is shot.

 

[Geelong_Sicko]

I dont think itd matter. Id still feel the same. It's inescapable. I feel as if I'm drowning. No holiday could fix that. I could give it a go but I dont want to be by myself as things would get worse. My mind is shot.

Is this an ongoing thing, or did something trigger you this weekend?

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

Is this an ongoing thing, or did something trigger you this weekend?

Its been lingering for years but Id ignored it I suppose. It hit me after a lot to drink on the weekend that its a serious issue that i cant hide anymore. I just cant. Im merely a shell of my former self and I have no clue on how to get back or if I ever will. 24 hours a day its with me. Woke up before and bawled my eyes out. That says enoughs enough and its time for action.

 

[Geelong_Sicko]

Its been lingering for years but Id ignored it I suppose. It hit me after a lot to drink on the weekend that its a serious issue that i cant hide anymore. I just cant. Im merely a shell of my former self and I have no clue on how to get back or if I ever will. 24 hours a day its with me. Woke up before and bawled my eyes out. That says enoughs enough and its time for action.

It is time for action. But what action? Do you have an external focus you can try focus positive emotion onto? Loved ones? Pets?

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

It is time for action. But what action? Do you have an external focus you can try focus positive emotion onto? Loved ones? Pets?

Not really. I have nobody. I have plenty of friends but nobody Im close to to be able to do that.

 

[Bunk Moreland]

What's your living situation?

 

[Twoslabs]

Mate, seriously seek professional help.

Depression is real and utterly soul destroying.

Apart from the factors that cause it to happen, physically it causes a chemical imbalance that causes what's going on upstairs to spiiral further out of control.

Medication though not the be all and end can help restore the correct balance in your mind and allow it to sort through the crap that's going on.

It's what I did when I hit rock bottom and allowed me to process the stuff that was going on.

Remember alcohol is a depressant and will only make things worse after the euphoria wears off.

Take care ......

 

[Vekgib]

Have you brought this condition to the attention of a Doctor ? If not, I can't urge you enough to do so immediately.And to listen to what that Doctor advises.I have been in a situation remarkably close to what you describe for more than 30 years.In January this year it culminated in a suicide attempt. I'm not 100% better yet but I'm much better than I was. I didn't begin seeing a health care professional until 1998.And when I did, my GP conceded that my situation was out of his realm, and immediately referred me to a Psychologist.
Said Psychologist offered great advice and assistance in how to begin the road to recovery.But I thought it was just too hard and ignored it.
Now, I'm doing the exact same things that I was told to do 17 years ago and feeling so much better.
Please, seek help from a Doctor.Don't be ashamed or embarrassed.Nobody is going to make fun of you.You are not alone.Depression can be treated and recovery is possible.And as Twoslabs said, alcohol is not the solution.
I'm sure I can speak on behalf of 99.9% of BigFooty members when I say we are thinking of you and we will offer any support we can give.

 

[chugginon]

I am so sorry to read you feel so bad, mate .Please find someone you can talk to. Even if it is just on here. Lots of people are willing to help and listen . I know it takes courage to open up., but it can help.You take care, and talk on here . Can you see a medico for a physical check to start with ? And get advice from . And don't feel worthless. I have read a lot of your posts. They are funny, can be serious and sensible . I know , for one, that your posts have made me laugh when I first get on here. And that is a great way to start the day You do have a lot to offer in life, I am sure . Someone has asked re your living situation Can that be bettered? . You start looking after yourself, please

 

[Xtreme]

Figure out a plan of attack, I hit a wall in my life this time last year that also lead to a public posting breakdown on here as well. Life can royally suck sometimes. I plodded along for years "happy" with how things were going but never 100% satisfied. i let things get to a really bad point where I then started looking at where I was compared to where I wanted to be and was not happy at all. Came to the conclusion that I had wasted the prime years of my life, even now at 33 and have done quite a bit, I still feel as though I have not lived a proper life and still feel emotionally 15 at times (not reliving my youth at all, I just mean I feel as though I am 15-18 in terms of life experiences).

Make life changes, seek guidance from those you trust OR seek help from a professional. Don't do anything stupid.

I myself am still plodding along, have made various changes to my lifestyle (still had time to watch the 2014 grand final so many times... might be another issue in itself now lol). I wound up getting a second job, people might say don't work yourself down into the ground. I have moments of exhaustion at times BUT for me I view that I am being kept busy, and have tasks to focus on. There's no time to worry about what's missing in my life.

*EDIT TO ADD*

Exercise might not be a total solution but it may help ease some tension. It can be a calming activity (more so than drinking one's issues away), but at the same time it might give the brain a moment of clarity where you might decide to do something stupid. Exercise worked as a positive, I exercised the negative thoughts out of my head (I jokingly say this but I can't think about oh my life is in the toilet when I am struggling to gulp air after running up a super steep hill).

 

[craigos]

Go to a Dr, get a referral for a psychologist (it's free for 5 or so visits) and say exactly what you have said on here. You might not feel comfortable about revealing yourself to a complete stranger but they way I think of it is I'm sure they've heard everything before. You're not going there saying you have a sexual attraction for My Little Pony's so it's no biggie

 

[Bomberboyokay]

https://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPsychologist/

 

[Glacier]

As others have said here, go get some help quick smart
And this doesnt mean you have a stigma of losing your shit, talk to someone whos job it is to help people
Im currently going through the road trau,a section of the TAC as I was the first on the scene of a fatality recently...as much as I didnt know how it would help at all its a question of simply letting others help you

 

[The Passenger]

I'm quite pissed to be answering this question completely but I never like to someone suffering, even if we have butted heads a few times. In any case I think this advice is fairly solid.

I've also never suffered from depression so m not fully qualified to answer from experience... but like everyone I've had my ups and downs.

Tell someone you love them. Doesn't need to be a gf/bf. Tell a family member. I always find giving is better than receiving. Because when you give, you almost always recieve it back.

Don't drink. I love booze. If there are people in here who actually listen to my ramblings, they will know I love a drink. But it's an enhancer. It will only every multiply how you feel. And right now you dont want that.

Try new things. Physical or mental. Yoga, meditate... Play a new sport. I've only meditated properly a dozen or so times but each time I've felt reinvigorated beyond belief. But I always find new things release adrenaline and endomorohins. They make you feel good. If nothing else, the concentration required makes you forget about the shits in your life.

On things that are new - go to a museum or something of its ilk. Your mind most likely needs stimulation. Once again it will au least get your mind elsewhere.

Don't be afraid to find comfort in those close to you. No one who truly care for you will then someone away in their hour ot need.

And look after yourself. Your brain and mind are the most important things in your body. You might feel like your losing control but ultimately you hold the key to your own happiness.

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

I don't have much to add that others haven't already said, IschenkoUBeauty , but please do go talk to your doctor...today if at all possible.
You've taken the first leap, which is recognising that you have an issue and being strong enough to want to change it. Think about why you're drinking and what you're trying to suppress by getting pissed. Those are the underlying problems that need to be addressed. A counsellor can help you do that.

If you feel like it's all getting too much, obviously there's quite a few of us here that will lend you an ear if you reach out. Please take care of yourself. Things will get better.

 

[Gough]

Well done for writing that, it was heartfelt, and brave. Take the advice of many, see your doctor, you don't have to feel like this all the time.

 

[T2B_]

I'm not in a great headspace myself right now so while its probably not as serious as yours, IUB, I think I know a bit of how you feel right now.

That being the case there's not much I can say except the advice being given by the fine people in this thread thus far seems pretty good.

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

Thanks everyone for all your advice. This is something I'm no longer ashamed to get right. The penny didnt properly drop until I started breaking down. Waking up at 3 this morning I broke down, and have done so a couple of times already today. Theres been times when I've needed to pull the car over to get myself together. I've no appetite, my decision making is erratic and impulsive, no sex drive, no enjoyment in anything really. I never understood it, I used to try and brush it off and tell myself to harden up but I can't anymore. This isn't a way to live.

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

Thanks everyone for all your advice. This is something I'm no longer ashamed to get right. The penny didnt properly drop until I started breaking down. Waking up at 3 this morning I broke down, and have done so a couple of times already today. Theres been times when I've needed to pull the car over to get myself together. I've no appetite, my decision making is erratic and impulsive, no sex drive, no enjoyment in anything really. I never understood it, I used to try and brush it off and tell myself to harden up but I can't anymore. This isn't a way to live.

It's really positive that you've made the decision to change your life, you should be proud of that.
Can you pinpoint where your life started to get a bit beyond your control or when you began feeling like this?

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

It's really positive that you've made the decision to change your life, you should be proud of that.
Can you pinpoint where your life started to get a bit beyond your control or when you began feeling like this?

I've probably felt like this for 5 years but nowhere near as bad as its got in the preceding months. It never made me break down in tears before this year and I've never been one for sharing my feelings like this... But I feel like I've got no other choice. Im scared that if I dont do something, i could end up into drugs or anything. Never had that temptation but on Saturday night i did and it was alarming. Anything to change what's going on.

 

[Gough]

Have you rung a doctor yet?

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

I've probably felt like this for 5 years but nowhere near as bad as its got in the preceding months. It never made me break down in tears before this year and I've never been one for sharing my feelings like this... But I feel like I've got no other choice. Im scared that if I dont do something, i could end up into drugs or anything. Never had that temptation but on Saturday night i did and it was alarming. Anything to change what's going on.

Right. Up you get--go make an appointment with your doctor today, please. You need to make a change and the best time to do it is now, when you're feeling as low as you ever have.

 

[chugginon]

Right. Up you get--go make an appointment with your doctor today, please. You need to make a change and the best time to do it is now, when you're feeling as low as you ever have.

I agree . Come on, make that call IUB