Kennedy Parker
🎨𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙🎨
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League administrator Kennedy Parker has called a press conference following the Sin City Swamprats' victory over the Mount Buller Demons to talk about okeydoke7's upcoming 1000th goal milestone and celebratory plans.
When asked about the arrangements made for Okey's impending milestone:
"Okey has published a very comprehensive list of demands for a celebration of his 1000th goal which WILL DEFINITELY come in Round 18 against the Las Vegas Bears and the league will aim to be as accommodating to these as possible."
"The Round 18 Swamprats home game will be moved to Okey's Outhouse aka SFA Park aka Dun Lop Stadium in order to maximise the crowd capacity so that as many fans as possible can attend the game. Superstars across the league will be invited to be present along with Okey's extended family. Broken document this official change to the fixture."
"For this week, in lieu of the inevitable 1000th goal, Wosh will arrange for a name change of Okeydoke7 to Okeydoke1000. TheInjuryFactory will create the most beautiful graphical representation of Okey's CV and Hate will display it on the home page of Sweet FA+ for all to see."
"There will be red carpet event during the week and a Open Mic Roast of Okeydoke7 where people will get their final chance to have fun at Okey's expense before he inevitably kicks goal 1000 at the end of the week and the legend becomes immortal, at which point, the league will unite in TOASTING okeydoke7 and the extraordinary Qooty career he has had."
When asked about what role Tarkyn_24 will play in the week's events."Tarks will be present at in the stadium. And when the moment comes where Okey finally scores that 1000th goal. The game will pause. Tarks will walk out onto the ground and hand Okey an autographed pair of Tarkyn_24's Qooty boots - something Okey has always wanted since he was a child. What a beautiful moment that will be."
When asked about what will happen if Okey fails to kick 4 goals against the Las Vegas Bears and does not reach goal 1000 in Season 35.Kennedy Parker looked visibly uncomfortable, began laughing nervously and snapped:
"Don't ask stupid questions. Of course Okey will kick 4 goals against the Bears, who have just been dumped out of finals contention. He kicked 5 goals against them earlier in the season when they were top of the ladder. He'll get them in the first quarter! He's an all-time, legendary full forward. He'll kick 14 goals next week! He promised it, and Okey never lies."
Media - An Audience With Okey - The Official Countdown to 1000 Goals
Good Evening and Welcome Sweet FA players and keen observers. Much to the delight of many and chagrin of some, I have reclaimed my place as the league’s best poster in S35. Although the inevitable beez will be appreciated, it will be a small milestone when compared to my 1000th goal, which I...
www.bigfooty.com
The follow-up question reminded Kennedy Parker that Okey requires 4 goals to reach 1000 and he has not managed 4 goals in 9 weeks."Well that just means he's overdue for a HUUUGE bag of goals against the Bears. Who is the Bears' fullback? The execrable and extremely overrated JoshWoodenSpoon. They have Broken on the team, the man who is most known for losing! We have won two games in a row, our midfield will dominate and it's hard to see Okey kicking any less than 7 goals even if he is inaccurate, he's going to have so many chances."
The next question asked was what the plan was assuming that Okey does not kick 4 goals against Las Vegas."Okay let's just entertain the WILD HYPOTHETICAL that Okey does not kick a measly 4 goals against the Bears. It will be a full house in the biggest stadium in Sweet, his family will be there, all the league legends are on standby ready to congratulate him... We make all these extravagant arrangements for him, it's televised across the country -- 113 million people watching on television. All EXPECTING, WAITING for Okey to kick his 1000th goal. If he fails... If he fails... then he will letting EVERYBODY down. That would be the ULTIMATE failure, ULTIMATE humiliation. That outcome is completely UNACCEPTABLE. That is why it is IMPOSSIBLE! Okey is a legendary Qooty player, this is not Headless we are talking about! Legends rise above the weight of such expectations and this will be yet another line on his endless curriculum vitae."
Kennedy Parker was then asked the question: "Have you ever heard of cognitive dissonance and are you aware of how delusional you seem right now?""What is 'cognitive dissonance'? If it doesn't relate to the celebration of Okey's absolutely certain 1000th goal that will happen next week I'm not interested."
Then serial_thrilla barged into the press room and asked the question: "KP since you have returned the Swamprats have a 17-0-29 record for a win rate of just 37%. This is down from 56% win rate that they achieved between S25 to S32 after you left. A big move you made as captain was to recruit okeydoke7. Have you ruined the Swamprats' premiership chances for seasons to come and condemned the club to total irrelevance by prioritising Okey's individual accolades over the team's success?"When asked this question, KP gave serial_thrilla a death stare before swiftly leaving without answering the question.
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