JoshWoodenSpoon
Emergency Full Back
- Oct 16, 2013
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As a part of the SweetFA's Heritage Round, we are taking a journey back through the history of the humble qootball. An inconspicuous object that, while we may as professionals encounter every day, has in fact seen a great many guises and innovations through the League's thirty-five seasons. Think of the decades upon decades players have spent honing their understanding and craft of this curious and vital match-day morsel - the idiosyncrasies of its taunting bounce, the kinematics at play as one guides it through from the pocket, the visceral SLAP as it careens into outstretched hands on a cold Fulmina morning - the qooty is really what makes the game tick (at a rate dictated by the weather). Let's have a look now at where it all began!
Ljp86, larrikin, rfctigerarmy and HahnPremium toil on the designs for the first qootball. Bountiful debate and even more Chudshake went into sculpting the perfect implement for the games that were ahead, as League Founder Mobbs watches on judiciously, cradling a forward-thinking prototype. The final product was fabricated from wild alpaca hide waxed with shea butter. It is not known who the figure in the adjactent room is.
We now see the qootball as first in action during Season 1. joshhem beats jod23 to the ball, as Arnold Schwarzenegger trails. This iteration was short-lived, as career upon career was ended due to knee injuries from kicking through the missing bit, and litigious action from the Gwendehara Quoiting Association upon a point being awarded for getting the ball stuck over the post. The League's head typographist was later sacked, culpable for the commercial forfeiture that comes with your product launch being mistakenly and widely understood as 'bootball' for many months. Though the match took place without commentary, the Dragons ran away as 38 point winners.
As the SweetFA grew in stature, a marketable face was needed to continue expanding the competition. One of the game's brightest and most popular young talents offered up their head, and the rest was history. It turned out this new model was highly kickable: the above game featured a scoreline of 24.14 (158) plays 21.14 (140). Here we see mandy kicking a major to go with his 4 goal 5 behind outing, as TheMase gives admirable chase and dogs105 follows his owner's instructions to perfection.
The dawn of boncer34's reign was signaled by adoption of a cutting-edge new piece of qootballing technology that would come to be known as 'the okeydoke7 tear'. When latched on to correctly, this ballistic-like unit would fly for miles, and its introduction coincided with a vast increase in eye-gouging incidents, precipitating an entire generation of useless weak dog qumpires that we experience today. The OD7-T would survive as the official ball of the SweetFA for a record thirteen seasons, and is an iconic piece of qooty memorabilia. Here a nearly unrecognizable ant555 demonstrates a common handling technique - poised to perforate the next would-be tackler.
In Season 25 Kennedy Parker consulted no-one and brought in an exclamation mark shaped ball. It was an unmitigated disaster is a sizeable stain on his legacy. U2tigers and Tigerturbulance perform another of their customary, inconsequential ruck ceremonies.
And so we arrive at the ball most recently familiar to watchers of our sport. Utilitarian and erring, offering little flair or verve, this truly is the spheroid for the modern game. As rules and features are further streamlined and homogenised, it's hard to see this obedient little unit being displaced any time soon - League Office tells us they're absolutely flying off the shelves!!
Thanks for joining us for a dribble around the boundaries of what makes up our curious and magnificent game. What would you like to see in the qooty of the future? We hope you find Heritage Round a fantastic occasion to reflect on the innovations of seasons past, and ruminate on the possibilities of seasons to come.
We now see the qootball as first in action during Season 1. joshhem beats jod23 to the ball, as Arnold Schwarzenegger trails. This iteration was short-lived, as career upon career was ended due to knee injuries from kicking through the missing bit, and litigious action from the Gwendehara Quoiting Association upon a point being awarded for getting the ball stuck over the post. The League's head typographist was later sacked, culpable for the commercial forfeiture that comes with your product launch being mistakenly and widely understood as 'bootball' for many months. Though the match took place without commentary, the Dragons ran away as 38 point winners.
As the SweetFA grew in stature, a marketable face was needed to continue expanding the competition. One of the game's brightest and most popular young talents offered up their head, and the rest was history. It turned out this new model was highly kickable: the above game featured a scoreline of 24.14 (158) plays 21.14 (140). Here we see mandy kicking a major to go with his 4 goal 5 behind outing, as TheMase gives admirable chase and dogs105 follows his owner's instructions to perfection.
The dawn of boncer34's reign was signaled by adoption of a cutting-edge new piece of qootballing technology that would come to be known as 'the okeydoke7 tear'. When latched on to correctly, this ballistic-like unit would fly for miles, and its introduction coincided with a vast increase in eye-gouging incidents, precipitating an entire generation of useless weak dog qumpires that we experience today. The OD7-T would survive as the official ball of the SweetFA for a record thirteen seasons, and is an iconic piece of qooty memorabilia. Here a nearly unrecognizable ant555 demonstrates a common handling technique - poised to perforate the next would-be tackler.
In Season 25 Kennedy Parker consulted no-one and brought in an exclamation mark shaped ball. It was an unmitigated disaster is a sizeable stain on his legacy. U2tigers and Tigerturbulance perform another of their customary, inconsequential ruck ceremonies.
And so we arrive at the ball most recently familiar to watchers of our sport. Utilitarian and erring, offering little flair or verve, this truly is the spheroid for the modern game. As rules and features are further streamlined and homogenised, it's hard to see this obedient little unit being displaced any time soon - League Office tells us they're absolutely flying off the shelves!!
Thanks for joining us for a dribble around the boundaries of what makes up our curious and magnificent game. What would you like to see in the qooty of the future? We hope you find Heritage Round a fantastic occasion to reflect on the innovations of seasons past, and ruminate on the possibilities of seasons to come.
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Ophidian Old Boys
