Remove this Banner Ad

Media TJ's Vacation Diary

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

Log in to remove this Banner Ad

F**k it, they are not giving me anyting...
DAY 1: The Snow that Flurried like Smiling Monkeys by TJASTA:
Yakker looked at the spotty book in his hands and felt concerned.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his cold surroundings. He had always loved wet Mount Buller with its mammoth, massive mountains. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel concerned.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Tarkyn_24. Tarkyn_24 was a patient muppet with spiky moles and skinny fingernails.

Yakker gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a loving, kind, goon drinker with fat moles and chubby fingernails. His friends saw him as a giant, gloopy giant. Once, he had even revived a dying, puppy.

But not even a loving person who had once revived a dying, puppy, was prepared for what Tarkyn_24 had in store today.

The snow flurried like smiling monkeys, making Yakker anxious.

As Yakker stepped outside and Tarkyn came closer, he could see the sturdy smile on his face.

Tarkyn_24 gazed with the affection of 9223 brave great gerbils. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want some more Twitter followers."

Yakker looked back, even more anxious and still fingering the spotty book. "Tarkyn_24, NEWGROUNDS WAS FUNNY WHEN WE WERE ALL 12 LIVING IN THE SUBURBS LISTENING TO LINKIN PARK WATCHING DRAGONBALL Z DRINKING PEPSI WHILE PLAYING HALO CO-OP ON THE EASIEST SETTING DURING WHICH WE CONSUMED DORITOS AND LOOKED AT PAINTBALL GUNS ON EBAY IN INTERNET EXPLORER CONNECTED THROUGH AOL ON A 56K MODEM BEFORE HOPPING INTO OUR BALDING FATHERS' LATEST MIDLIFE-CRISIS-IMPULSE-SPONSORED JAPANESE-BUILT SUV TO HEAD TO THE MALL AND GET MORE SKATEBOARDING SHOES AND THIRD-RATE IRREGULAR LEVIS AND MOUNTAIN BIKE PARTS BEFORE HEADING HOME, VOTING DEMOCRAT AND MASTURBATING TO THE LATEST SEARS CATALOG WHILE HUFFING PAINT IN YOUR GARAGE BEFORE TALKING TO PEDOPHILES ON AIM PRETENDING TO BE WHATEVER CAMWHORE THEY'RE RANTING ABOUT ON MYSPACE WITH A MATRIX QUOTE/ANIME CHARACTER NAME/TRIPLE SIX-ASTERISK-PARENTHESES-SURROUNDED SCREENNAME BEFORE HEADING TO YOUR SUPPOSED "GOOD SCHOOL" IN THE MORNING TO BUY MORE POT TO SMOKE DURING YOUR COUNTER-STRIKE LAN PARTY WITH JIMMY AND THE REST OF HIS FRIENDS TAKING RITALIN AND ADDERALL AND PROZAC EIGHT TIMES A DAY BEFORE TAKING A CASUAL PASS AT LOCAL, STATE OR NATIONAL GOVERNMENTAL FIGURES, LEGISLATURE, OR STRUCTURE TO APPEAR EDGY AND INTELLIGENT IN FRONT OF YOUR BUDWEISER-SNEAKING, LIMP-WRISTED, NEAR-TO-COLUMBINE SOCIOPATHIC "DEEP" FRIENDS WHO PLAY THE VICTIM WHEN THEY START LOSING ARGUMENTS SIX DAYS BEFORE THEIR BOTCHED SUICIDE ATTEMPT SIMPLY BECAUSE SCHOOL TRAMP NUMBER TWELVE WOULDN'T GO UNDER THE BLEACHERS WITH THEM TO LET THEM GET TO SECOND BASE BEFORE THEIR THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY", he replied.

They looked at each other with healthy feelings, like two homeless, high-pitched horses hopping at a very controlling disco, which had orchestral music playing in the background and two noble uncles sleeping to the beat.

Yakker regarded Tarkyn_24's spiky moles and skinny fingernails. "I feel the same way!" revealed Yakker with a delighted grin.

Tarkyn_24 looked delighted, his emotions blushing like a rough, relieved rock.

Then Tarkyn_24 came inside for a nice drink of goon.

THE END
 

Remove this Banner Ad

F**k it, they are not giving me anyting...
DAY 1: The Snow that Flurried like Smiling Monkeys by TJASTA:
Yakker looked at the spotty book in his hands and felt concerned.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his cold surroundings. He had always loved wet Mount Buller with its mammoth, massive mountains. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel concerned.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Tarkyn_24. Tarkyn_24 was a patient muppet with spiky moles and skinny fingernails.

Yakker gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a loving, kind, goon drinker with fat moles and chubby fingernails. His friends saw him as a giant, gloopy giant. Once, he had even revived a dying, puppy.

But not even a loving person who had once revived a dying, puppy, was prepared for what Tarkyn_24 had in store today.

The snow flurried like smiling monkeys, making Yakker anxious.

As Yakker stepped outside and Tarkyn came closer, he could see the sturdy smile on his face.

Tarkyn_24 gazed with the affection of 9223 brave great gerbils. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want some more Twitter followers."

Yakker looked back, even more anxious and still fingering the spotty book. "Tarkyn_24, NEWGROUNDS WAS FUNNY WHEN WE WERE ALL 12 LIVING IN THE SUBURBS LISTENING TO LINKIN PARK WATCHING DRAGONBALL Z DRINKING PEPSI WHILE PLAYING HALO CO-OP ON THE EASIEST SETTING DURING WHICH WE CONSUMED DORITOS AND LOOKED AT PAINTBALL GUNS ON EBAY IN INTERNET EXPLORER CONNECTED THROUGH AOL ON A 56K MODEM BEFORE HOPPING INTO OUR BALDING FATHERS' LATEST MIDLIFE-CRISIS-IMPULSE-SPONSORED JAPANESE-BUILT SUV TO HEAD TO THE MALL AND GET MORE SKATEBOARDING SHOES AND THIRD-RATE IRREGULAR LEVIS AND MOUNTAIN BIKE PARTS BEFORE HEADING HOME, VOTING DEMOCRAT AND MASTURBATING TO THE LATEST SEARS CATALOG WHILE HUFFING PAINT IN YOUR GARAGE BEFORE TALKING TO PEDOPHILES ON AIM PRETENDING TO BE WHATEVER CAMWHORE THEY'RE RANTING ABOUT ON MYSPACE WITH A MATRIX QUOTE/ANIME CHARACTER NAME/TRIPLE SIX-ASTERISK-PARENTHESES-SURROUNDED SCREENNAME BEFORE HEADING TO YOUR SUPPOSED "GOOD SCHOOL" IN THE MORNING TO BUY MORE POT TO SMOKE DURING YOUR COUNTER-STRIKE LAN PARTY WITH JIMMY AND THE REST OF HIS FRIENDS TAKING RITALIN AND ADDERALL AND PROZAC EIGHT TIMES A DAY BEFORE TAKING A CASUAL PASS AT LOCAL, STATE OR NATIONAL GOVERNMENTAL FIGURES, LEGISLATURE, OR STRUCTURE TO APPEAR EDGY AND INTELLIGENT IN FRONT OF YOUR BUDWEISER-SNEAKING, LIMP-WRISTED, NEAR-TO-COLUMBINE SOCIOPATHIC "DEEP" FRIENDS WHO PLAY THE VICTIM WHEN THEY START LOSING ARGUMENTS SIX DAYS BEFORE THEIR BOTCHED SUICIDE ATTEMPT SIMPLY BECAUSE SCHOOL TRAMP NUMBER TWELVE WOULDN'T GO UNDER THE BLEACHERS WITH THEM TO LET THEM GET TO SECOND BASE BEFORE THEIR THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY", he replied.

They looked at each other with healthy feelings, like two homeless, high-pitched horses hopping at a very controlling disco, which had orchestral music playing in the background and two noble uncles sleeping to the beat.

Yakker regarded Tarkyn_24's spiky moles and skinny fingernails. "I feel the same way!" revealed Yakker with a delighted grin.

Tarkyn_24 looked delighted, his emotions blushing like a rough, relieved rock.

Then Tarkyn_24 came inside for a nice drink of goon.

THE END

.......

Yakker can I change my vote for him as Flathead of the Year?
 

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

Just because you're a lazy **** doesn't exclude you

You are on the same level now as dumbarse
that was your excuse for the magistrate, i am using it.
 
F**k it, they are not giving me anyting...
DAY 1: The Snow that Flurried like Smiling Monkeys by TJASTA:
Yakker looked at the spotty book in his hands and felt concerned.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his cold surroundings. He had always loved wet Mount Buller with its mammoth, massive mountains. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel concerned.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Tarkyn_24. Tarkyn_24 was a patient muppet with spiky moles and skinny fingernails.

Yakker gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a loving, kind, goon drinker with fat moles and chubby fingernails. His friends saw him as a giant, gloopy giant. Once, he had even revived a dying, puppy.

But not even a loving person who had once revived a dying, puppy, was prepared for what Tarkyn_24 had in store today.

The snow flurried like smiling monkeys, making Yakker anxious.

As Yakker stepped outside and Tarkyn came closer, he could see the sturdy smile on his face.

Tarkyn_24 gazed with the affection of 9223 brave great gerbils. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want some more Twitter followers."

Yakker looked back, even more anxious and still fingering the spotty book. "Tarkyn_24, NEWGROUNDS WAS FUNNY WHEN WE WERE ALL 12 LIVING IN THE SUBURBS LISTENING TO LINKIN PARK WATCHING DRAGONBALL Z DRINKING PEPSI WHILE PLAYING HALO CO-OP ON THE EASIEST SETTING DURING WHICH WE CONSUMED DORITOS AND LOOKED AT PAINTBALL GUNS ON EBAY IN INTERNET EXPLORER CONNECTED THROUGH AOL ON A 56K MODEM BEFORE HOPPING INTO OUR BALDING FATHERS' LATEST MIDLIFE-CRISIS-IMPULSE-SPONSORED JAPANESE-BUILT SUV TO HEAD TO THE MALL AND GET MORE SKATEBOARDING SHOES AND THIRD-RATE IRREGULAR LEVIS AND MOUNTAIN BIKE PARTS BEFORE HEADING HOME, VOTING DEMOCRAT AND MASTURBATING TO THE LATEST SEARS CATALOG WHILE HUFFING PAINT IN YOUR GARAGE BEFORE TALKING TO PEDOPHILES ON AIM PRETENDING TO BE WHATEVER CAMWHORE THEY'RE RANTING ABOUT ON MYSPACE WITH A MATRIX QUOTE/ANIME CHARACTER NAME/TRIPLE SIX-ASTERISK-PARENTHESES-SURROUNDED SCREENNAME BEFORE HEADING TO YOUR SUPPOSED "GOOD SCHOOL" IN THE MORNING TO BUY MORE POT TO SMOKE DURING YOUR COUNTER-STRIKE LAN PARTY WITH JIMMY AND THE REST OF HIS FRIENDS TAKING RITALIN AND ADDERALL AND PROZAC EIGHT TIMES A DAY BEFORE TAKING A CASUAL PASS AT LOCAL, STATE OR NATIONAL GOVERNMENTAL FIGURES, LEGISLATURE, OR STRUCTURE TO APPEAR EDGY AND INTELLIGENT IN FRONT OF YOUR BUDWEISER-SNEAKING, LIMP-WRISTED, NEAR-TO-COLUMBINE SOCIOPATHIC "DEEP" FRIENDS WHO PLAY THE VICTIM WHEN THEY START LOSING ARGUMENTS SIX DAYS BEFORE THEIR BOTCHED SUICIDE ATTEMPT SIMPLY BECAUSE SCHOOL TRAMP NUMBER TWELVE WOULDN'T GO UNDER THE BLEACHERS WITH THEM TO LET THEM GET TO SECOND BASE BEFORE THEIR THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY", he replied.

They looked at each other with healthy feelings, like two homeless, high-pitched horses hopping at a very controlling disco, which had orchestral music playing in the background and two noble uncles sleeping to the beat.

Yakker regarded Tarkyn_24's spiky moles and skinny fingernails. "I feel the same way!" revealed Yakker with a delighted grin.

Tarkyn_24 looked delighted, his emotions blushing like a rough, relieved rock.

Then Tarkyn_24 came inside for a nice drink of goon.

THE END


Let's see what I get...

Filthy Waverley Park
A Short Story
by PhenomenalV1

PhenomenalV1 looked at the sexy sword in his hands and felt angry.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his grimy surroundings. He had always hated filthy Waverley Park with its damp, depressed Decrepit grandstands. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel angry.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Noobz0r . Noobz0r was an uncaring muppet with shredded testicle and jacked middle finger.

PhenomenalV1 gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a thoughtless, incredible, Dr Pepper drinker with buff testicle and ripped middle finger. His friends saw him as an angry, adorable angel. Once, he had even revived a dying, Loonerty.

But not even a thoughtless person who had once revived a dying, Loonerty, was prepared for what Noobz0r had in store today.

The storm teased like raging Dragon, making PhenomenalV1 murderous.

As PhenomenalV1 stepped outside and Noobz0r came closer, he could see the spilt smile on his face.

"I am here because I want Revenge," Noobz0r bellowed, in an unhelpful tone. He slammed his fist against PhenomenalV1's chest, with the force of 8685 Gumby. "I frigging hate you, PhenomenalV1 ."

PhenomenalV1 looked back, even more murderous and still fingering the sexy sword. "Noobz0r, flip off," he replied.

They looked at each other with unstable feelings, like two homeless, handsome Hawk screaming at a very unpopular qootball match, which had Metal music playing in the background and two cold-blooded uncles punching to the beat.

Suddenly, Noobz0r lunged forward and tried to punch PhenomenalV1 in the face. Quickly, PhenomenalV1 grabbed the sexy sword and brought it down on Noobz0r's skull.

Noobz0r's shredded testicle trembled and his jacked middle finger wobbled. He looked furious, his body raw like a grated, gifted gun.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Noobz0r was dead.

PhenomenalV1 went back inside and made himself a nice drink of Dr Pepper.

THE END
 
DAY TWO: GotTheGoodes and the Five Scary Rats:
Once upon a time there was a dirty boy called GotTheGoodes. He was on the way to see his Teammates SarahSmiles, when he decided to take a short cut through Sin City.

It wasn't long before Got got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, George, but George was nowhere to be found! Got began to panic. He felt sure he had packed George. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a scary rat dressed in a Black bowler hat disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought GotTheGoodes.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed rat. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, GotTheGoodes reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from cauliflowers, a house made from lollypops, a house made from fruit gums, a house made from cakes, a house made from cupcakes and a house made from jelly babies.

GotTheGoodes could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

GotTheGoodes looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving GotTheGoodes a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was George!

"George!" shouted Got. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give George back!" cried GotTheGoodes.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let George out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, five scary rats rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. GotTheGoodes recognised the one in the Black bowler hat that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Rat," said the witch.

"Good morning." The rat noticed George. "Who is this?"

"That's George," explained the witch.

"Ooh! George would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the rat.

The witch shook her head. "George is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Got interrupted. "George lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Rat ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Rat looked at the house made from jelly babies and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from jelly babies if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next rat. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have George."

GotTheGoodes watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give George to Big Rat. He didn't think George would like living with a scary rat, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other four rats watched while Big Rat put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Rat. "Just you watch!"

Big Rat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from lollypops. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Rat started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of lollypops, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Rat.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Rat never finished eating the front door made from lollypops and George remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Rat stepped up, and approached the house made from fruit gums.


"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Rat. "Just you watch!"

Average Rat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from fruit gums. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After a while, Average Rat started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a rat!" said Average Rat.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Rat, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the rat away under his arm.

Average Rat never finished eating the front door made from fruit gums and George remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Rat stepped up, and approached the house made from cakes.


"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Rat. "Just you watch!"

Little Rat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from cakes. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Rat started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating cakes for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Rat into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Rat. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Rat was never seen again.



Little Rat never finished eating the front door made from cakes and George remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Tiny Rat stepped up, and approached the house made from cupcakes.


"I'll eat this whole house," said Tiny Rat. "Just you watch!"

Tiny Rat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from cupcakes. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

However, on the next mouthful, the food fell straight out of Tiny Rat's mouth. She tried to stuff in another forkful of cupcakes, but once again, the food fell out. There just wasn't enough room left in her belly.

"This is just not fair!" declared Tiny Rat, and stomped off into the forest.

Tiny Rat never finished eating the front door made from cupcakes and George remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Even-Tinier Rat stepped up, and approached the house made from jelly babies.


"I'll eat this whole house," said Even-Tinier Rat. "Just you watch!"

Even-Tinier Rat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from jelly babies. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Suddenly, Even-Tinier Rat stopped eating and started dancing. While he danced, he sang at the top of his lungs, "Jelly babies! Watch me eat all the jelly babies!"

"It looks as though the jelly babies are making you hyperactive," laughed the witch.

"Oh no they're not!" cried Even-Tinier Rat. "I'm always this excited." With that, he walked into a tree.

Bong!

Even-Tinier Rat banged his head and fell backwards onto his bottom. He passed out, exhausted.

Even-Tinier Rat never finished eating the front door made from jelly babies and George remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep George."

"Not so fast," said GotTheGoodes. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from cauliflowers. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the rats. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said GotTheGoodes.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted George back."

GotTheGoodes ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from cauliflowers and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

GotTheGoodes sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained GotTheGoodes. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When GotTheGoodes food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from cauliflowers. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, GotTheGoodes was down to the final piece of the door made from cauliflowers. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Got had eaten the entire front door of the house made from cauliflowers.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over George or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

GotTheGoodes hurried over and grabbed George, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, George was unharmed.

GotTheGoodes thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet SarahSmiles. It was starting to get dark.

When GotTheGoodes got to SarahSmiles house, his Teammates threw his arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried SarahSmiles. "You are very late."

As GotTheGoodes described his day, he could tell that SarahSmiles didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked SarahSmiles.

SarahSmiles unwrapped a doorknob made from lollypops. "Pudding!" he said.

SarahSmiles almost fell off his chair.

The End
 

Remove this Banner Ad

Remove this Banner Ad

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

Back
Top Bottom