Dumb s**t campaigners Did While You Were At School

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Year 9 English was the sort of environment I would've paid an entry fee to be included. Mainly because we had a 15 minute free reading sessions before a class began and that resulted in all sorts of mayhem and hilarity. Our teacher was a big sci fi and fantasy nerd, so he introduced us to a number of works that were actually interesting and not some stuffy bullshit only an adult can relate to. However he took a lot of things seriously and would yell at someone loudly when the ocassion necessitated. Oddly looked like Mark Twain or Einstein with his mustache and 'dopey' hair. Bloody hard marker too.

Usually English was after recess or lunch so a group of kids at the back of the class had just come from smoking a few joints and were in a, for a lack of a better word, 'silly' mood. No, I wasn't part of this group but was friends with a couple of them. During quiet reading they would start doing randon s**t. A favourite was making barnyard animal sounds every so often. A couple of times they tried lighting cigarettes behind their books, a friend said he hated cigarettes, preferring joints, but made a special occasion for Mr English Teachers class. You could hear them slowly trying to light up while Mr Twain was immersed in one of Christopher Tolkiens books about LOTR. I don't recall if they were caught for that specifically (I think Twain smoked himself so probably couldn't tell someone else was) but remember the laughter and raccus when one guy got ashes on his open book.Twain would sometimes have to slam down his Tolkien book and stare over that way or walk over and kick someone out of the class.

After a lunch break, one of my friends fresh from a few joints went up to the teacher as he was trying to unlock the door and went 'Gday Mr Twain' and slid his finger across the underside of Mr Twains nose. I don't think there was a dry eye in the corridor from that. Mr Twain stopped trying to unlock the door and just stared at my friend like an old droopy eyed dog, like he was just too tired to even yell at him. The staring went one for half a minute all the while the class tried to contain themselves. I kept expecting him to yell out but in the end Mr Twain just said very casually he didn't appreciate that happening to him. A year later I asked my friend why he did that and he looked at me confused and said he must have been really out of it because he couldn't remember doing it.

The best highlight was one quiet reading session where the typical barnyard animal sounds were made every few minutes, the chook being the prefered choice that day, when one guy calls out 'cockadoodledoo'. That got a few laughs. Then a small kid who rarely said anything pipes up with 'In Sally's case (she had a rep) 'anycockwilldo'. There was a silent moment then pearls of laughter from everyone, except Mr Twain who screamed out 'GEEEET OOOOUUUTT!' The guy who originally said 'Cockadoodle' then said 'nah, he should stay, that was a good one.' He was told to get out too.

Later on that year Mr Twain spent one class with his hand over his face seemingly weeping in silence. Never knew the reason why but he thanked us at the end for not acting up that class. I felt we were talking a bit too much then but I guess as the examples before show it could have been worse.
 
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