Classic cricket sledges

[Boro]

You've probably seen these before, but I thought i'd post them anyway.

Classic Cricket Sledges

1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:

When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to

the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:

As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

3. Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes:

After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?" "Cos every time I f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit," Brandes replied.

4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:

During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed:

You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to

the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."

5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:

During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor.

A few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:

During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word

to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my

island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we

just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced

to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k *ff."

7. Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock:

After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces."

Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground.

Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."

8. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the television microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"

 

[Scott_1971]

Number 8 is gold.

Merv in England once was sledging Graeme Hick, so much so that Umpire Bird stepped in and said "That's not very nice Mr Hughes, what's Mr Kick ever done to you".

Does anyone remember the exact words that Steve Waugh and Curtly Ambrose exchanged during their stare in 1995 when Ambrose had to be dragged away. I know somewhere along the line that Steve said "Just f*** bowl" and that really upset Curtly but I don't remember the exact details.

Another Marshism; David Steele was selected for England in 1975; nice guy, but going grey early. Looked older then he was. Comes out for his first dig, and Marsh says to Lillee "What's your dad doing out here?"

 

[SaveFeriss]

fantastic stuff Keep em coming...

 

[Andrew Mc]

Not sure who originally said number 7 on your list, but it's been around since at least the time Ponting and Pollock were in nappies. I've heard it said that Viv Richards said it, but I've heard other versions as well.

They are all good sledges though .

My favourite is Steve Waugh to Herschelle Gibbs in the 1999 World Cup: "You just dropped the World Cup, mate".

 

[Bomber Spirit]

An English one from the 1950s. In a county game Fred Trueman was bowling to Rev David Sheppard, and Sheppard got a lucky 50 with lbw shouts being rejected, nicks through slips etc.
Trueman said "Aye, if th's as looky on Sundays as you are on Saturdays, you'll end up Archbishop of Canterbury."

 

[Homer]

Theres the one where Merv Hughes was getting smashed around, by a West Indian IIRC, and after a while he got sick and tired of it and let rip of a mammoth fart and said "Let's see you play that".

Thats a very scratchy version of it, hopefully someone has the full story...

 

[ROK of Gibraltar]

You all know what was said between McGrath and Sarwan(?) that made McGrath lose the plot when his wife was crook I assume?

 

[Cooldude]

Somewhere along the lines of "How does it feel like sucking Lara's ********?", Sarwan replied, "Your wife would know

 

[ROK of Gibraltar]

Something alot like that

 

[Portmanteau]

"Small d*ck for a horse" - some guy to Cosgrove

 

[Lacquer Head]

I heard the number 3 was between McGrath and De Silva

 

[mayhem39]

Another merv and viv one
viv played and missed a few times and merv said"it's small round and red"
next ball viv hit merv out of the groud and said " you know what it look's like u go f***ing find it"

that's my fav

 

[jim boy]

7. Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock:

After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces."

Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground.

Ponting to Pollock: "you know what it looks like, now go find it."

Another merv and viv one
viv played and missed a few times and merv said"it's small round and red"
next ball viv hit merv out of the groud and said " you know what it look's like u go f***ing find it"

Actually the bowler was Glamorgan quickie Greg Thomas while Viv Richards was playing for Somerset.

Other notable quotes

Richie Benaud

"His throw went absolutely nowhere near where it was going."

"That slow motion replay doesn't show how fast the ball was travelling."

"There was a slight interruption there for athletics." (Referring to a streaker at Lord's.)

"Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle."

"He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time."

Pete Sampras

"I don't know what these fellows are doing, but whatever they are doing, they sure are doing it well." (On watching Lara and Ambrose at Lord's.)

Fred Trueman

"That was a tremendous six, the ball was still in the air as it went over the boundary."

"Anyone foolish enough to predict the outcome of this match is a fool."

"Unless something happens that we can't predict, I don't think a lot will happen."

England vs. Australia, early '60s: Fred Trueman fielding close to the gate from the pavillion. As the new Aussie batsman came out to bat, he went to close the gate behind him as he walked onto the field.

Trueman: "Don't bother shutting it son, you won't be out there long enough."

Trevor Bailey

"On the first day, Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off."

Lord Mancroft

"Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented to give themselves some conception of eternity."

Allan Donald

Allan Donald playing in a county game for Warwickshire vs. Northants. Having taken a few of the Northants top order, Alan Lamb was on strike, looking to come forward. Donald noticed this, and dropped a couple short.

After the second one, Allan said, "Lambie, if you want to drive, go hire a car".

Next ball Donald pitched the ball right up, but Lamb was ready for it, and hit a beautiful cover drive straight to the boundary. "Go park that one", he drawled.

 

[Dees]

In 1994 Australia were playing a South Africa first class side-can't remember who, and Warnie was flighting the ball up to this slightly overweight Sth African batsmen who wasn't coming down the track at all

Healy:why don't we just put a mars bar on a length, see if he comes down to that

Sth African batsmen:impossible, Boonie would beat me to it

Bonie was fielding at short leg at the time