Dad jokes - add yours

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

My wife asked me the other day if she's the only one I've ever been with.

Yes I told her, all the others have been sevens or eights

 

[Bertie22]

Q. What did the two melons say to each other?

A. Too bad we cantaloupe!

 

[Bertie22]

A steam locomotive passing through Poland one night was running low on coal. The engineer said to his fireman, "We're coming to a town, let's stop and send the porter out to get more coal. Can you see the name of the town on the depot sign?"

The fireman replied, "It appears to be Danzig in the dark."

And the engineer shouted, "Buy coal, Porter!"

 

[The Brady Bunch]

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. For a bible thumping photo op outside the White House.

 

[gokangas]

Patient goes to the doctors to get his test results. Doc says I have good news and bad news.

Whats the good news?

They're going to name a disease after you.............

 

[gokangas]

Two women were having a coffee. One said - I just saw a documentary on TV last night that said Lions have sex up to 12 times a week. Just my luck, said the other. My husbands a Rotarian.

 

[gokangas]

What colour is the wind? ..................blew (blue).

 

[ferball]

Q: Why did the computer need a jacket?

A: Because it kept freezing.


Q: Why did the elephants at the circus go on strike?

A: They were tired of working for peanuts.


Q: How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?

A: By its bark.


Q: What time do ducks wake up in the morning?

A: At the quack of dawn.

This is the end of my catalogue...until I find the one from last century!!!

My computer keeps crashing.

It didn't realise it would be so hard to drive.

 

[Cold Gin]

If buttercups are yellow, what colour are hiccups?


Burple.

 

[goalieboy82]

What colour is the wind? ..................Blue.

 

[WayneShimmiesTheBush]

I have SEXDAILY DYSLEXIA

 

[Luke72]

I have SEXDAILY DYSLEXIA

How many dyslexics does it take to light a bulb put in?

 

[krakouers]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[tazaa]

What do you call a chicken staring at a bowl of lettuce and tomato?









A Chicken Ceasar Salad...

 

[DaveyBoy123]

 

[ferball]

What colour is the wind? ..................Blue.

I've read that about three times, I only just got it...

 

[gokangas]

I've read that about three times, I only just got it...

I will edit.

 

[krakouers]

How did the farmer catch his wife?

He tractor down

 

[Samsquanch]

How did the farmer catch his wife?

He tractor down

ferball - do you need help with this one?

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]

ferball - do you need help with this one?

 

[krakouers]

I made a playlist for when I go Hiking, it has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries and Eminem
I call it my Trail Mix

 

[gokangas]

I only believe in about 12 1/2% of the bible.

I guess you could call me an Eightheist.

 

[gokangas]

Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler. Woke up exhausted.