Dad jokes - add yours

[gokangas]

If you get an email titled knock knock, don't open it. It a Jehovahs Witness working from home.

 

[gokangas]

I hear that the Fijian Government is going to supply only pink cars to their public servants. Apparently they will become a pink car nation.

 

[krakouers]

I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected.

 

[gokangas]

Bloke buys a house and discovers a cellar. Rummaging through it he finds a violin and a painting. Whats the odds, he thinks, so drops them off at a valuers. Next day he gets a phone call - valuer says I have good news and bad news.
Whats the good news?
You have a Stradivarius.
Wow - that is sensational.
Whats the bad news?
He was a shithouse painter.

 

[roomagic1984]

A Grasshopper walks into a bar.
The Bartender goes, "I've got a drink named after you".
The Grasshopper goes, "You have a drink named Gavin?"

 

[andana]

A Grasshopper walks into a bar.
The Bartender goes, "I've got a drink named after you".
The Grasshopper goes, "You have a drink named Gavin?"

Made my day, thanks

 

[krakouers]

Wife bought me a U2 sat nav,
when I used it the streets have no name.....

 

[krakouers]

There's a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.

 

[SammyRoo]

What happened to the Irishman who tried to blow up the bus? ...

Burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe

 

[krakouers]

Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!

I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

 

[gokangas]

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

 

[krakouers]

I once got fired from a canned juice factory. apparently i couldn't concentrate.....

 

[gokangas]

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!

 

[gokangas]

How many months of the year have 28 days? All of them.

 

[SammyRoo]

Why can’t you watch TV in Afghanistan?

Because of the Taili-ban

 

[roomagic1984]

Made my day, thanks

No worries.

I love telling Dad jokes.

He always laughs at them.

 

[andana]

I've started going out with a tech savvy spider
She is a web designer

 

[Orange Peanut]

The doctor slipped and cut my vocal cords.

I can't tell you how much pain I'm in.

 

[gokangas]

My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

 

[gokangas]

My wife bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

 

[gokangas]

Want you all to know that I released my own fragrance today. Mind you the others in the car weren't impressed.

 

[gokangas]

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

 

[gokangas]

Woohoo - spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!

 

[gokangas]

When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.

 

[gokangas]

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”