Dad jokes - add yours

[gokangas]

I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game. I think it is just too weak.

 

[gokangas]

My wife said to me - your great. I said no, you're great. She walked around with a smile all day. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was just correcting her grammar.

 

[Orange Peanut]

My uncle played guitar with a group called Doona and the Sheets.

They were a covers band.

 

[SammyRoo]

An Egyptian mummy has been found covered in chocolate & nuts

They believe its the Pharaoh Rocher

 

[SammyRoo]

What kind of cellars do you store knives in ?

Monica Cellars

 

[Orange Peanut]

I bought a chicken, to make sandwiches for lunch.
But it doesn't. It just shits on the floor.

 

[ChoppyGun]

How does Moses enjoy his coffee?

Hebrews it.

 

[krakouers]

 

[Orange Peanut]

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into the blood bank.

The rabbit says "I think I might be a Type O"

 

[Roscoe]

Paddy asks, “Mick, how did you get on at the faith healer meeting last night?”

Mick replies, “He was absolute rubbish. Even the fella in the wheelchair got up and walked out !”

 

[Rockstar6]

I ate a frozen apple once. Hard-Core

 

[big_e]

What happens to songwriters when they die?

They de-compose.

 

[domiroo]

Saying to kids when passing a cemetery
It’s a dead end there . Or people are dying to get in there .

 

[SammyRoo]

Why are demons fat?

they hate exorcising

 

[Bertie22]

My friend composes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.

 

[Snake_Baker]

 

[ChoppyGun]

"Daddy, can you please put my new shoes on?"

"No, they are too small for me."

 

[gokangas]

Doctor says to patient.
I have good news and bad news.
Whats the bad news?
We have to amputate both your legs.
Whats the good news?
The bloke in the bed next to you wants to buy your slippers.

 

[Black2Blue]

 

[ChoppyGun]

I really enjoy telling Dad jokes.

Sometimes he even laughs!

 

[krakouers]

Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.


My girlfriend broke up with me after she discovered I only have 9 toes
She was lack toes intolerant


3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

 

[rickety]

Saying to kids when passing a cemetery
It’s a dead end there . Or people are dying to get in there .

Or nobody living in this town can be buried there

 

[gokangas]

A hearse was going uphill when the tailgate opened and the coffin rolled out. It went down the hill, across a roundabout, hit the kerb and bounced across the road, through a shopping centre carpark and crashed through the window of Chemistwarehouse. The lid opened and the body sat up and said - ‘hey, have you got something to stop me coffin?’

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]