Dad jokes - add yours

[Orange Peanut]

Dick Johnson still has nightmares

When my son was about 12 he saw a model of Dick Johnson's car, and started laughing uncontrollably.
I asked him what was so funny and he said "his name is basically Penis Penis!"

 

[gokangas]

You can't buy love, but you can pay for it.

 

[gokangas]

My wife dresses to kill - she cooks the same way.

 

[gokangas]

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[Lomas]

You can't buy love, but you can pay for it.

Your sig makes this better

 

[Lomas]

View attachment 1251617

I saw this happened recently with a woman on a tour who had changed clothes, and thought her old outfitted self was missing.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

I saw this happened recently with a woman on a tour who had changed clothes, and thought her old outfitted self was missing.

Those magic mushrooms!

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[Gumble Frankieton]

 

[Bertie22]

If you see cows sleeping in the field, then it's pasture bedtime.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[Contra Mundum]

I heard some noise upstairs and I went into the bedroom
It was a group of men stuffing a lion and a witch into the large wardrobe
I yelled: "What the * do you think you are doing?!"
One of the men yelled back: "Narnia business!"

 

[Bertie22]

Q. Which is faster hot or cold?
A. Hot, you can always catch a cold.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[jimandphilbadge]

A man walks into a pub and orders a beer. The barman says to the man "let me tell you about tonight's special" while pointing at two pieces of beef nailed to the ceiling. "If you can jump up unassisted and get those pieces of meat down you don't have to pay for a drink all night. But if you try and fail, you have to buy everyone in here a round"

The customer looks up at the ceiling then back at the barman: "I'll pass, those steaks are too high"

 

[buttox]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you!

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.


You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.