Dad jokes - add yours

[Gimmeafree]

Why are horses the happiest animals on earth ? They live in a stable environment.

 

[Lomas]

Why are horses the happiest animals on earth ? They live in a stable environment.

I’ve herd that one.

 

[Maxie]

I’ve herd that one.

Same here. Find it still pretty funnay

 

[KiwiRoo]

Why are horses the happiest animals on earth ? They live in a stable environment.

told my kids that one and they think I'm an idiot ....again..

so perfect dad joke !

 

[kool kangas]

 

[gokangas]

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

 

[gokangas]

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

 

[gokangas]

I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.

 

[gokangas]

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

 

[gokangas]

Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!

 

[gokangas]

Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.

 

[gokangas]

A guy walks into a bar...and that was the end of his limbo attempt.

 

[gokangas]

What do clouds wear under their clothing? Thunderwear.

 

[gokangas]

Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.

 

[gokangas]

Cop pulls up a driver for a RBT.
Breath in here until I tell you to stop.
I can't - I have chronic asthma and if I do I might cause an attack and die.
OK then, I will do a blood test with a finger prick.
Can't, I'm a haemophiliac and if you do that I might bleed to death.
OK then, step out of the car and walk down this white line.
Can't do that.
Why not?
I'm pissed.

 

[rickety]

The people in Egypt don't like the Flinstones, but
the people in Abu Dhabi Dooooooooo

 

[Gimmeafree]

Why do rockmelons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.

 

[franjon]

View attachment 1436044

This needs to gain momentum.

 

[Roogal]

I spotted an albino dalmation earlier this week.

I thought that it was the very least that I could do.

 

[Samsquanch]

I spotted an albino dalmation earlier this week.

I thought that it was the very least that I could do.

LoL. My one-time GF had a dalmation which she used to add purple spots to in order to. The dog liked the attention.

 

[big_e]

I was recently hospitalised with a peekaboo injury.

They took me straight to the ICU.

 

[big_e]

I went to a South Park-themed pub the other day, and was thrilled to see they had my favourite beer on tap.

When I saw it, I said "oh my God, they've Kilkenny!"

 

[gokangas]

My wife told me to get off the computer or she would push my head into the keyboard.

I told her to get fumnxclwqjiehfpuig2n1'rkgvmSBJHUHD87324T5499943GNTLBTL5Y[[P]Y[]][\]\cnbwkfhbcbrfh//TB,B3M5

 

[Roogal]

I accidentally cut off another car the other day. The driver (a Dwarf) immediately jumped out declaring that he wasn't happy.

I said, "well which one are you then, Dopey, Grumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Bashful or Doc?"

 

[gokangas]

I'm over the banks. Went to three ATMs today to withdraw money. No luck at any - all said 'insufficient funds'. FFS you would reckon the banks had enough money to keep their ATMs filled.