Dad jokes - add yours

[krakouers]

My kids told me there was water coming from the laundry…

Spoiler: Photo

 

[krakouers]

Someone tore the pages out of the front and back of my dictionary…. It just goes from bad to worse

 

[krakouers]

Most people sleep but a kleptomaniac takes a nap

 

[Orange Peanut]

Why didn't the cannibal eat the guy with no feet?


He was lack toes intolerant.

 

[gokangas]

Why didn't the cannibal eat the guy with no feet?


He was lack toes intolerant.

Now THATS a dad joke!

 

[Bertie22]

Most of us know the story about George Washington and that he reputedly never told a lie. Not even when he chopped down his father's favourite cherry tree. According to legend, George owned up, so his father spared him a beating because of his honesty.

Many, many years later in a town in Australia, a group of kids are playing one hot afternoon. Bored out of their brains and needing to be back at school, they find mischief and the oldest boy in the group ends up with an axe and to the delight of the others, chops away the foundations of the outback dunny, causing it to tumble and splash down the hill. Hilarious. Great fun of course.

Later that night, over dinner, a father confronts his son, the same boy, about how and why the family outhouse ended up at the bottom of the hill. Son knows nothing of course, so dad relates the story of George Washington, the cherry tree and his reprieve from a beating for his honesty.

Emboldened, the boy decides to admit his involvement. With that, dad gives him a beating, after which the boy blubbers, "But you said that George Washington got off because he was honest with his father about chopping down the cherry tree..." "Yes," replies the father, "you are correct...but George Washington's father wasn't sitting in the cherry tree when he chopped it down."

Boom Boom...I will self isolate now. Cheers.

 

[krakouers]

I asked my friend in North Korea how it’s going, he said he can’t complain

 

[krakouers]

As a way to make some extra money, I set up a chicken dating website…
The problem is I had to close it down, I couldn’t make hens meet

 

[krakouers]

Quadriplegic is sitting in the beach when a beautiful blonde comes up to him
“Have you ever been kissed before?” “No” he says, so she kisses him
“Have you ever felt boobs before?” “No” he replied, so she rubbed her breasts in his face
“Have you ever been f###ked before?” “No” he replied, “Well” she said, “you will be shortly, tides coming in..”

 

[ferball]

If a blackbird has black babies and a bluebird has blue babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow.

He's got two kids!!!

 

[gokangas]

WARNING - Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap.

 

[gokangas]

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of chapstick. She still isn’t talking to me.

 

[gokangas]

There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.

 

[gokangas]

What vitamin helps you to see? Vitamin C.

 

[gokangas]

was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

 

[gokangas]

What goes, “Oh, oh, oh”? Santa walking backward.

 

[Satan]

I made pancakes today . They were crepe

 

[krakouers]

 

[kool kangas]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

Well, my driving instructor failed me on my test today, after he asked me the following question: "You're driving along and you see an old man and a young child standing on the road. What do you hit?"

Just a heads up. Hitting the old man is NOT the correct answer. Nor is hitting the child.

 

[gokangas]

What has five toes but isn't your foot?




My foot.

 

[Samsquanch]

l once got a pair of golf socks for Christmas.

Spoiler

I know they were golf socks because there was a hole in one.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Satan]

Menzies?