Dad jokes - add yours

[Samsquanch]

A teacher asked Billy, "You what does a chicken give us?"

Billy replied, "eggs."

"Very good, Billy. Now Jessica, what does a sheep give us?"

"Wool."

"Very good, Jessica. Johnny, what does a cow give us?"

"Homework."

And that's how Johnny met the principal.

 

[Samsquanch]

It takes 2 wipes to realise you need 3 – but 3 wipes to realise you only needed 2.

 

[Mav]

Who can drink 5 liters of petrol with out being sick?


Jerry can.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

I for one,

Spoiler

that's how the Romans count

 

[Fat Jesus]

I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

 

[gokangas]

I was given a Jehovas Witness Advent Calendar. Behind every door is someone who tells you to pi55 off.

 

[gokangas]

I also got a Microsoft Windows advent calendar - when you open three windows at once they all close again for no apparent reason.

 

[Fat Jesus]

Humpty Dumpty loves Autumn.
Because he had a great fall.

 

[gokangas]

I really don’t see much future for advent calendars.

It feels like their days are numbered.

 

[gokangas]

I’m making a spaghetti strainer with Santa on it.

It’ll be a Christmas advent colander.

 

[Fat Jesus]

Birds fly south in the winter.
It's quicker than walking.

 

[big_e]

 

[gokangas]

Dad cooked deer on the BBQ and was serving young son.
What sort of meat is this dad?
You guess son - its something mum calls me everyday.
Little sister standing there yells out - don't eat it - its an ar5ehole.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[kool kangas]

 

[gokangas]

My neighbours have just made a sex tape of themselves. Well, they don't actually know that yet............

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Fat Jesus]

Don't throw toothpicks in the toilet because the crabs pole vault

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

I bought my son a prosthetic leg for Christmas.

He doesn't need it, but I think it's a great stocking filler.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]