Dad jokes - add yours

[gokangas]

I was in the city yesterday and there were people collecting for Parkinsons. They were shaking tins - I didn't think that was very appropriate.

 

[krakouers]

 

[Lomas]

View attachment 1647639

Poor old Mazda lost that one.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[ferball]

View attachment 1645297

This is brilliant.

 

[Bertie22]

A man decides to become a monk and lives life in the monastery in total silence. However, each year on Christmas Day he is allowed to meet with the abbot and utter one word for each year of service. After his first year, on Christmas Day, he says to the abbot, "Cold." The abbot ensures that the monk is provided with an additional blanket. The next Christmas Day, the monk is of course entitled to two words and says to the abbot, "Very Hungry." The abbot ensures that the monk receives more food. Christmas Day rolls around again and entitled to three words, the monk says to the abbot, "I want out!" "Just as well," says the abbot, "you've done nothing but complain since you got here!"

 

[gokangas]

Oh how I wish my ex-wife could look down from heaven and see me now. But no, sadly she is still alive.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[krakouers]

 

[Bertie22]

Oh how I wish my ex-wife could look down from heaven and see me now. But no, sadly she is still alive.

Oh gokangas...it is Easter mate!

 

[gokangas]

Oh gokangas...it is Easter mate!

Not quite - but for the record I actually don't have an ex wife. I did ask my current wife what she wanted for her birthday - she said a divorce. I said I didn't want to spend that much.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Orange Peanut]

 

[gokangas]

Bloke walks into the specialist to get the results of his tests.
Doc says - I have good news and bad news.
Whats the good news?
They're going to name a disease after you.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

Spoiler: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom

.

 

[Samsquanch]

“Knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“I diddup”

 

[Samsquanch]

What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

Spoiler

The taste.

 

[krakouers]

 

[Bertie22]

What do you call a flash fish?


Sofishticated.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament but it's been really difficult... I can't seem to find any good players.

 

[Greater Gattsby]

My girlfriend had this weird role play fetish. So I get home from work one night and she’s dressed as a police woman. She turns to me and goes “I’m arresting you on suspicion of being amazing in bed.” 40 seconds later all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

 

[Luke72]

What do cheap hotels and tight jeans have in common?

No Ballrooms

 

[gokangas]

I own the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, it's awful.