Dad jokes - add yours

[Bigeasy]

What's red and black and sits in a tree?

A crow with a fat.

Is that too risque? Twinkletoes, King Corey, Flawed Genius and the other mod.

 

[D23D]

What is the Loch Ness monsters favourite fast food?

Fish and Ships!

 

[Rooboys Rool]

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

Now that is a dad joke.

- Not too long.
- Will probably have to explain to your kid why it’s funny.
- Once they understand, they probably won’t find it that funny.

I’m telling it to my daughter tonight.

 

[ferball]

Now that is a dad joke.

- Not too long.
- Will probably have to explain to your kid why it’s funny.
- Once they understand, they probably won’t find it that funny.

I’m telling it to my daughter tonight.

I tried that the other day.

She knew the answer and didn't think it was funny.

Bloody 8 year olds.

 

[gokangas]

Why do divorces cost so much?

Coz its worth it.

 

[gokangas]

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.
She said, I want a divorce.
I said I wasn’t going to spend that much.

 

[big_e]

What do you use to film yourself baking bread?

A DoughPro.

 

[darko]

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.
She said, I want a divorce.
I said I wasn’t going to spend that much.

What is the difference between a penis and a bonus?

Your wife will always blow your bonus.

 

[big_e]

What is the difference between a penis and a bonus?

Your wife will always blow your bonus.

Or in Bomber Thompson's case, his missus has a bonus penis.

 

[big_e]

What do you call a Cuban with stomach cramps?

Fidel Gastro

 

[Tectonic]

Job interviewer: what's this 4 year gap on your resume?

Me: that's when I went to yale!

Job interviewer: well im thoroughly impressed, welcome aboard!.

Me: thanks, I really need this yob.

 

[gokangas]

Just heard on the wireless that a bank has been robbed by a bloke brandishing a starting pistol. Police believe this may be race related.

 

[BigBadByron]

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have most in common?

They both have the same middle name.

 

[BigBadByron]

A Magician was walking down the street and turned into a Grocery Store.

 

[gokangas]

A bloke walks into the doctors complaining he can't hear properly. The doc looks in his ears.
"You have custard and jelly in your left ear and cake in your right ear - I think you're a trifle deaf."

 

[gokangas]

I remember my year 12 teacher so well. Mrs Turtle. I remember everything she ‘taughtus’ (tortoise).

 

[BigBadByron]

3 guys walk into a Bar at the same time.

You'd think one of them would have seen it.

 

[see see]

I remember my year 12 teacher so well. Mrs Turtle. I remember everything she ‘taughtus’ (tortoise).

When you have to explain it, you've pretty much achieved peak dad joke. Well done good sir.

 

[gokangas]

How do you know when you are on a Portugese submarine? The captain calls out "up peri periscope".

 

[Mav]

What do get when you cross a flea and a rooster?


















An itchy utensil.

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

I got a blindfold as a Kris kringle present today.

I can't really see myself wearing it

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

My friends keep trying to cheer me up,. Theyy say things could be worse, you be stuck in hole in the ground filled with water.




I know they mean well.

 

[see see]

Two nights ago, I dreamt I was a teepee. Last night, I dreamt I was a wigwam.

I went to the doctor this morning and told him about these dreams. He consulted a couple of medical texts and then said, "You need to relax a bit more as you're obviously two tents."

 

[ferball]

Tense not tents...

 

[GarnerSmash]

What do you get if you cross a pig anda dinosaur?

Jurassic pork.