Dad jokes - add yours

[ferball]

The Greek gardener?

He could have been a Contender...

 

[Mav]

Y'know, I have no idea

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?

 

[Tectonic]

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?

Well that just makes it harder!
I'm stumped, still no idea

 

[KiwiRoo]

you mean like the greek skydiver, condescending?

well played !

don't know too many greek skydivers..but I know a Russian billards player.. Inoff the red

 

[The Dingrel]

well played !

don't know too many greek skydivers..but I know a Russian billards player.. Inoff the red

On that note I’ll make off like a Russian engineer, and bolt for the the door, Moscow now.

 

[Falconista]

What's green and not very heavy?

Light green

 

[Orange Peanut]

My roommate thinks our house is haunted. But I've lived here for nearly 300 years and it seems fine to me.

 

[see see]

I used to cough to disguise my farts. Now I fart to disguise my coughs.

 

[see see]

Ran out of toilet rolls, so have been reduced to replacing them with lettuce leaves. I really feel that is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

[see see]

Up at Coles the other night, I asked the manager if he had any toilet paper. “NO!” he yelled at me, in front of the whole check-out queue. They all kept staring at me. I am telling you, that walk back down Aisle 5 to the loos, with my pants around my ankles, was the most humiliating walk of my life.

 

[Bertie22]

What do you call just married spiders?

Newly - webs!

 

[gokangas]

Sad to hear that the man who invented the hokey pokey died. Took them 6 days to bury him. They put his left foot in, his left foot out, his right arm in.....................

 

[gokangas]

Sad to hear the man who invented the crossword puzzle died. I hear they buried him six down and four across.

 

[krakouers]

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

 

[krakouers]

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable.

 

[krakouers]

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.

 

[Bertie22]

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.

There are arguably only 24 letters...the angels did say, " Noel."

 

[ferball]

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable.

Yes it certainly is.

 

[krakouers]

Yes it certainly is.

I confess, I laughed

 

[Twinkletoes]

Heard this on the wireless yesterday.....

What do you call a bloke with a rabbit stuck up stuck up his arse?

















Warren.

 

[big_e]

Heard this on the wireless yesterday.....

What do you call a bloke with a rabbit stuck up stuck up his arse?

















Warren.

Richard Gere at a pet store?

 

[Hojuman]

What do you call a bloke floating in the ocean with no arms or legs ?


Bob


Guy with no arms or legs in a pile of autumn leaves ?


Russell

 

[GarnerSmash]

If somebody coughs close to you, remind them there's a pandemic and they shouldn't be close coughing. Request that they far cough instead.

 

[GarnerSmash]

Day 9 of social distancing.

Struck up a conversation with a spider today.

Seems nice.

He's a web designer.

 

[krakouers]

What does an angry pepper do? It gets jalapeño your face.