Dad jokes - add yours

[Samsquanch]

View attachment 1019681

I knew I'd heard it before

 

[andana]

How many eggs does it take to make a stink bomb
A phew

 

[WD Roo]

Why don't blind people like skydiving?

It scares the shit out of their dogs

 

[ferball]

A hearse was going uphill when the tailgate opened and the coffin rolled out. It went down the hill, across a roundabout, hit the kerb and bounced across the road, through a shopping centre carpark and crashed through the window of Chemistwarehouse. The lid opened and the body sat up and said - ‘hey, have you got something to stop me coffin?’

Hasn't it already stopped?

...




I don't get it.

 

[gokangas]

I like telling dad jokes - sometimes he laughs.

 

[gokangas]

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

 

[gokangas]

My wife reckons I have no sense of direction. I was so mad I just got up and right.

 

[krakouers]

What happened to the exorcist's car?
It got repossessed

Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watch dogs

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.

 

[ferball]

two cows were having breakfast in a paddock. One was reading the paper, saw something, read it then looked over to its mate and said:
"Oh dear! This mad cow disease is a bit of a worry isn't it?"

The other cow looked up from the grass, stopped chewing and said:

"It doesn't bother me.

I'm a helicopter."

 

[krakouers]

I want to go on record that I support farming. As a matter of fact, you could call me protractor

 

[krakouers]

Walking into a restaurant:
Hostess: Do you have reservations?
Me: No, I’m confident I want to eat here.

 

[krakouers]

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

 

[krakouers]

What starts with an “O” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry?

Spoiler

Opinions

 

[chairo]

1. How much did Santa’s sleigh cost? It was on the house!

2. What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack!

3. Why doesn’t Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee? He’s on a deery-free diet!

 

[gokangas]

Santa walks into a knock shop. Ho Ho Ho - fourth hooker looks up - aren't you talking to me?

 

[Samsquanch]

Santa walks into a knock shop. Ho Ho Ho - fourth hooker looks up - aren't you talking to me?

I told this to my kids. The 8 year old laughed but the younger ones didn't get it. Kids these days 'eh? I told 'em to ask their mother!

 

[gokangas]

I told this to my kids. The 8 year old laughed but the younger ones didn't get it. Kids these days 'eh? I told 'em to ask their mother!

Anyone got the number for DHHS?

 

[Luke72]

Anyone got the number for DHHS?

If she’s looking for work I believe Nate7 might have a cashy

 

[gokangas]

If she’s looking for work I believe Nate7 might have a cashy

I'm more about reporting Sonofsamsquanch.

 

[Luke72]

I'm more about reporting Sonofsamsquanch.

Yeah, Nate7 probably wants a receipt so he can claim it as a work expense anyway.

 

[ChoppyGun]

I like telling dad jokes - sometimes he laughs.

Hang on a sec.

I already posted that little gem......ha

 

[Nate7]

Yeah, Nate7 probably wants a receipt so he can claim it as a work expense anyway.

Yes well, as long as it's in a regional setting, I can claim it.

 

[Luke72]

Yes well, as long as it's in a regional setting, I can claim it.

Any loopholes a goal

 

[krakouers]

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...

The bartender says “what is this? Some kind of joke?”

 

[Samsquanch]

Yes well, as long as it's in a regional setting, I can claim it.

You need the services of Le Grille esq. for that kind of claim.