Dad jokes - add yours

[gokangas]

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

 

[krakouers]

 

[gokangas]

I gave most of my family a book for Christmas. Now I have to email them all and let them know they are due back at the library on Wednesday.

 

[Falconista]

I don’t trust stairs... they’re always up to something.

 

[gokangas]

A friend of mine is a collector of empty bottles. That sounds so much nicer than alcoholic.

 

[gokangas]

My fellow office workers have just voted me the most secretive staff member. Can't tell you how much this means to me.

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

My wife and I were happy for 28 years, and then we met

 

[gokangas]

My wife and I were happy for 28 years, and then we met

I asked my wife what she wanted for our 40th wedding anniversary.
She said a divorce.
Hmmmm - I wasn't going to spend that much.

 

[rickety]

View attachment 1038370

I flew back to London 1 time from Sweden and got stopped by 1 of those random survey people. Fella asks me where I have just flown in from. I told him Sweden and he asked me how I found it. I told him I just jumped on the plane and it took me there

 

[SammyRoo]

Lance is an uncommon name nowadays.

But in medieval times people were called lance a lot.

 

[The Dingrel]

bought an old holden with no bluetooth, edited my contact list and deleted all the Germans,,,,,now I'm Hans Free.

 

[Woolly Mammoth]

I just got back from the supermarket and low and behold Arnold Schwarzenegger was working there stacking shelves, I asked him where I could find the pasta sauce, he said "Aisle B, back!"

 

[andana]

I just got back from the supermarket and low and behold Arnold Schwarzenegger was working there stacking shelves, I asked him where I could find the pasta sauce, he said "Aisle B, back!"

Like that. You need to post more often

 

[Bertie22]

I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was' Always'

 

[Lit_Dorito]

I got a tip for race 5: Vacant Block. You can put your house on it.

 

[ferball]

I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was' Always'

My wife thinks we must be related.

 

[gokangas]

The average person is really mean.

 

[gokangas]

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

I went swimming at the local pool yesterday and I was taking a piss in the deep end when the lifeguard noticed me. He blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

 

[Mav]

Tonight we’re having Himalayan Kangaroo steak for dinner.

We found himalayan on the road.

 

[D23D]

Why do Swedish naval vessels now have barcodes on their hulls?
So when they return to port,
they can scandanavyin

 

[Elroo]

What does a near sighted gynaecologist and a dog have in common?

A wet nose!

Iii see myself out now!

 

[Elroo]

What’s the difference between horny and hungry?

where the cucumber goes!

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]